Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
A 50-minute introductory session with the Marriage Counselor -- MC#2 -- consumed 2 hours. I was good, I think. I didn't interrupt -- though WAW did -- I spoke 1 word for her 5, I validated, I agreed where agreement was justified, I protested and defended where protest and defense were in order.
MC#2 asked what was the story. I waited for WAW to tell it -- this is her dog-and-pony show. And she started out in an interesting way: "When I tell it, out loud, even I think this is a bad decision."
When MC#2 asked what our goals were, WAW replied -- I don't know. It has to be better than this. This is someone I've known for 20 years. I don't want that to be for nothing.
I replied, "I don't know." I can see, sez I, the sense in sorting out our issues, clearing the brush so to speak.
Where is this going, asked MC#2? WAW: "I want a relationship. Some kind. I don't know where that leads. But I don't want....nothing."
Sez I, "I don't know. I don't see a down-side to being more cooperative, more cordial. But beyond that I just don't know. I close no possibilities off, but my expectations are --"
"Low," says MC#2.
"Cautious," sez I, laughing.
WAW did most of the talking and she got pretty feisty, as is her WAWly Way.
I am playing it safely. Darkly. I'm making no commitments beyond committing to another session in 2 weeks. I am spekaing Honestly. When MC#2 asked me, "You want to keep working on the marriage?" I replied, "No, there is no marriage. That marriage is over."
When WAW said she was surprised to hear that I was "on-board" with the D, I corrected her -- acceptance is not agreement, I said, and "on-board" sounds like I agree with it. I accept that it is her choice. It is not the choice I would have made.
So we'll see. MC#2 seems pleasant enough -- much better than MC#1. I am proceeding along my current course-of-action.
The only change is that, at MC#2's request, I am opening the verbal lines of communication. It has been a bane to WAW's existence, apparently, this electrons-only relating. So I gave in on that -- a fairly small point -- as a token of goodwill.
All-in-all it wasn't the disaster it might have been. No breakthroughs, of course, no light bulb moments, no change in the path. But if the most that comes out of it is better communication and a putting-away of the past -- one of MC#2's expressed goals -- then I guess that'll be okay.
Darkly seems to have been pretty effective for you. She wants a relationship now. Even if it is only to be cordial, she is pursuing you. Nice turn of the tables.
It might be so; it might be so. I'm trying to be objective and assess things cautiously. She did say that a couple times, though -- "I want to have a relationship with him" -- to MC#2. She expressed some vexation at my electrons-only approach to communication and at my "cutting [my]self off" from her and said she "never wanted not to be involved." So "pursuit" is probably the right concept I think. We'll see. She just e-mailed to ask if I was "interested" in "going back."
