K4D Rising #4

[mnt_dreams]

It is hard to stand and form your own life and let them live their's out of love.

Words to live by.

[K4D]

Hard words to live by.

Kevin

[K4D]

A Standers Affirmation
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.

- Author Unknown

I just needed to read this again this morning.

Kevin

[K4D]

I think one thing that crossed my mind this morning is I feel like I have nothing to offer W. She doesn't need me financially. She does far better than I do financially. She has no lack of guys showing interest in her that she can pick who she wants.

All I have to offer is unconditional love and support and that seems to be of no interest to her.

I'm not sure what else I can bring to the table other than what I said and that I am the father of our kids.

Kevin

[davidswife]

Kev,

How about the challenge that was put to you months ago. Go one week without mentioning your W. What do you think? Maybe you need to have a big rubberband around your wrist, every time you think of her - SNAP IT HARD.

You've got to stop the obsessing.

Stacy

[K4D]

I am really tired today. I did not sleep well at all last night. I wonder if some of that is contributing to this today.

DW, I can quit talking about her. But I can't stop praying for our reconciliation which does require me to think about her each day. But outside of that, I can work on it.

My girls wanted to stay home today. D11 is still having issues with her time of the month. I had to tell them they can't stay home as I have to go to work.

In my mind I was thinking if me and W were together, we could work something out like we always did in the past. But I did not say anything out loud. It was just my thoughts.

Tonight me and D11 are going to cook dinner together. That should be fun. She is really taking to trying new things.

I'm really exhausted today. And of course it is gray and raining outside which doesn't help the mood.

Kevin

[MrBond]

"I think one thing that crossed my mind this morning is I feel like I have nothing to offer W. She doesn't need me financially. She does far better than I do financially. She has no lack of guys showing interest in her that she can pick who she wants.

All I have to offer is unconditional love and support and that seems to be of no interest to her.

I'm not sure what else I can bring to the table other than what I said and that I am the father of our kids."

There's the same ol' Kevin. I guess the C wouldn't have helped with this huh? You know your lack of self-esteem issues.

I'll be the first one to say it, now you're backsliding out of religion as building you up, just like how you backslid out of C and AA and everything else because it's not a quick fix.

There's the 2x4. I doubt if even 25 is going to respond to all that.

[K4D]

I'm not backsliding out of religion. That will never happen regardless of my circumstances.

"For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37

Kevin

[MrBond]

I didn't mean that you were backsliding out of religion in terms of faith (reread post). I meant backsliding in terms of using it as a means to build you up.

It's what C and AA was also supposed to do, but you dropped out of those. Religion and belief in God is great. But He gives you the resources you need to take care of yourself. In your case, from day one it's been your self-esteem.

You can quote all the scriptures you want, but it's not going to help your self-esteem and not going to help you feel better about yourself. That's the key. You have to feel good about YOURSELF not what you're doing for the day or weekend, but YOU.

I don't know how many people have come through here telling you the same things over and over again, and you just don't listen. Then you turn around and say "why won't my W come back?" wah wah.

What did your friend the priest suggest you do?

Do you really think God will change your W's opinion? Or do you think He gives YOU the OPPORTUNITY to change your W's opinion?

He gives you all the time and resources you need. The rest is up to you. That's where freewill comes in.

You keep saying "well I'm going out with friends, etc." and you consider that GAL. If that is, why are you back here asking the same questions? Why are you here feeling just as depressed as you were on the day your W left?

It's because you haven't done the one thing that GAL is supposed to do. Strengthen your self-esteem. Strengthen yourself.

[K4D]

My audio book Codependent No more arrives tomorrow. I am looking forward to going through that.

I do believe that she will come back at some point. I just have my down moments.

It's Monday so I am heading out to talk to my priest again in a couple of hours.

Kevin