A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Ok, so I've seen Retrouvaille mentioned in several posts and always in a positive light. H and I both have Catholic roots though we're not practicing Catholics anymore. Anyhow, I've looked at the Retro site before but today I decided to check if there were any dates in our area. What I saw darn near freaked me out.

The date for our town is directly on our 15th wedding anniversary. The Universe is speaking.

Unfortunately, there's no way in heck that we're at a point I could ask him to go.

[Sara]

If you don't ask, then the answer is 100% "no". Just tell him what a coincidence it is! Maybe you won't get a yes this time. But you will plant the seed of an idea. Besides, there is too much emphasis on the idea of going to Retrouvaille for reconciliation. That is not what they work on. They work on thinking about what you want out of your life and improving communication between spouses. The 50% reconciliation rate is a happy byproduct of the process.

[Gardener]

Dia, thanks again for your "critter" post on my thread. Last night, I caught up on your situation (so many threads, so little time). sounds like you're doing very well. I understand the juggling between 180 and pursuing, but I do agree with Sandi that it seems weighted toward the pursuing side a bit.
But, hey, DBing is constant, minor, course-correcting...

[Gardener]

I think it is a shame the female population has resorted to wearing mostly pants.

I agree!
My other pet peeve is so many husbands, fathers, men dressing like little boys!
Ok, I'm done. I feel better now

[sandi2]

Another gem my dad said was, "If women knew how much better wearing high heels made their legs look....they would wear them all the time!"

[Dia]

I have struggled HARD today. Up. Down. Up. Down. UpDown.

Got a haircut and wonder of wonders - it's a good cut. Was nice to get fussed over/pampered by the stylist, too.

Good things - H gave me positive affirmation today, showed interest in me and my doings and took effort to bring me a CD of some music I said I liked.

I was easy-breezy about them leaving to go to the party w/o me - "Have a good time!" But it hurt and it hurt kinda hard. After they left I crumpled and wanted to have a good cry. And just to add to the whole roller-coaster feeling, I've also been experiencing strong desire for him today, too.

So I went out to look at another apt. 2 beds, 2 ba plus loft. Two small patios, washer/dryer in the unit. Ample closet space, fireplace and enough room in the living/dining area that one doesn't feel cramped. 2 car garage. 1500 sq. ft. Downsides are freeway noise you can hear even with the windows closed, the appliances are late 70s vintage (do they even make Tappan anymore?) and the rent is more than I'd like to spend at $1950/month.

It's main competitor is a much smaller place that also has 2 beds/2 ba. That one has coin laundry, a *tiny* living/dining area, a tiny balcony and a spiral staircase that will be absolute murder for trying to get beds and dressers upstairs. It's maybe 850 sq.ft. and there's no garage just a parking structure with one floor covered and one floor uncovered parking. No assigned spots either. This second one back to open space with hiking trails tho, and there's no freeway noise. Might be walkable to the beach, and I saw people walking dogs, kids on bikes, etc. That one is asking $1700.

After I toured the condo, I felt a lot better so I came home and made chili. H said the event included a BBQ so they likely wouldn't be home for dinner. I will have supper myself and really power down on some job hunting. I need to get ready with a list of employment agencies to visit Monday. H telecommutes on Monday so I need to be out and 'busy'.

It's a viable option but I can't move on it w/o having the job nailed down.

[givingitmyall]

Looks like you have had a good day Dia.

I know how you feel about not being invited to the party/BBQ. A week or two after W dropped the bomb on me, she took the kids on a trip to Disney - without me. WOW, that hurt. She said me going would just "confuse things."

And, it came on the day after I took our D5 to the ER at our children's hospital for a heart issue she has. As if I wasn't down enough already, then D having problems. I wondered how much I could take. And I'm still here.

Anyway, I am glad you had a good day. I saw that you were considering bringing up Retrouville (sp?). Good idea, I just wonder about the timing. I don't know, but is it too soon where you and H are? Only you know the answer. I'm just giving you my concern. You don't want to do too much too soon.

[Dia]

Yeah, I think it's too soon. It's more than a month away so I'll sit on it for awhile.

I'm doing ok at present, working on my job stuff, eating chili (not cake )and watching Henry V.

[givingitmyall]

I think I was posting to your thread while you were posting to mine.

Watching Britcoms on PBS with W and kids - our Sat. night tradition. At least that part is normal.

[Dia]

So H and kidlet didn't get home til 10:30 ish. After the party, they went shopping and to a bookstore. Kidlet had lots of good loot, including new shoes, a boogie board, a swim shirt and several books. I was a little worried that I'd have to work hard not to be snarky because I was hurt about being excluded. But when I saw the, I was instantly so happy that it wasn't an issue at all.

Kidlet was cold and wanted hot chocolate and H seemed to *want* to talk, share stories of their afternoon, show me what he'd bought for the kidlet etc. At one point, he came around the bar and stood close enough to brush against me so he could show me pictures on his iPhone. Our hands touched when he put the device into my hands then showed me which button to push to see a short video clip from the party.

Then H declared it was bedtime, so he asked kidlet what book he wanted. Kidlet picked one of the new books and suggested that instead of reading in his bed (one or the other of us reads to him every night), that we sit on the couch so all three of us could be together. H and I readily agreed, sitting with kidlet cuddled in the middle. Kidlet pulled a blanket over us and remarked how good it felt for all three of us to be sitting close like that. (I did NOT coach him - I swear! ... but there may be a surprise hot fudge sundae in his future, you know - just because)

When it was decided that H should do the reading, kidlet suggested that Dad sit in the middle so that he and I could hear equally but H declined and said we were fine like we were.

As a former WAS, I don't think I would have talked so readily or put myself in a sitch for the accidental touches, so that stuff seems promising. But he didn't want to sit next to me onthe couch, so bleh.

H also noticed that I had done the dishes and thanked me.

Baby steps.

Appreciate the small stuff.

Patience.

(and I really do value the small stuff, I'm just struggling with wanting more, or at least a clear indicator of where we stand. I'm also reaping karma tho, so I guess I hafta take my lumps.)