Next Sunday will be extremely hard. It is our 12 year anniversary and I will have to drop off my kids for the week to W on that day and expect nothing. That is going to be a tough day to swallow.
The detachment process is still being worked on. The following month will be my birthday. I don't think I will celebrate my birthday this year. I just don't really care to much about it. It seems like the older we get the years are supposed to get better and they just don't seem like it right now.
I will smap out of this. Just thoughts on my mind this morning.
Kevin
K - loved your first post as you laid out some nice plans. But that was yin to the yang of the second post. Why not celebrate your birthday? I say do the opposite. Do something great for your birthday - something you always wanted to do but haven't. Something that can help snap you out of the funk. Be happy , be attractive and get going bro. Don't stop living your life, start living it differently. You were happy before you met your W, right?? Work on you and picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. She's probably watching you more than you realize.
STRENGTH and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
I don't know how she could be watching me though. We are separated and she has nothing to do with me and does not talk to me. What could she be watching? She always has plans with other people. I just don't see how she is watching me when she refuses to have anything to do with me.
My current thoughts are that she has really moved on and I am a past thought and nothing to watch or look at.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
if we were to ask your wife, what positive changes has she seen in you? what makes kevin a more attractive option to being single? how would she answer? this is important.
Originally Posted By: K4D
How long before any kind of spiritual awakening occurs? Some realization of what a vow and covenant really means?
this may never happen. you need to realize this may never happen. maybe you are more spiritual. your wife maybe more sexual. the two of you maybe incompatiable.
what if she is of the taught, i dont want to be spirtually awoken, that crap is for the birds. what if she would prefer to explore her sexual energies instead of her spiritual energies? are your convictions strong enough to convert a heathen? would you be willing let her go if it meant you had to give up your beliefs to have her come back?
Originally Posted By: K4D
Whatever stuff happened in the M doesn't give her the right to be with other men and break up our family. What part of for better or FOR WORSE to people not get these days?
what is the WORSE thing to happen in a marriage to convince someone that they need to get out? when do people have a "right"?
I don't know how she could be watching me though. We are separated and she has nothing to do with me and does not talk to me. What could she be watching? She always has plans with other people. I just don't see how she is watching me when she refuses to have anything to do with me.
My current thoughts are that she has really moved on and I am a past thought and nothing to watch or look at.
Kevin
Stop focusing on her - focus on you. Detach. Stop worrying about her. Just look good, feel good and be good.
Right now she doesn't want anything to do with you. But if you ever hope to change that, would the current K be attractive to her?? I'm not telling you she is going to change her mind - I'm telling you not to justify the decision she has already made. Be attractive bro, whether she sees you or not. Keep that mindset when you do have communication with her.
Remember Fast Times at Ridgemont High - Damone's 5 point plan: number 2 - "wherever I am, that's the place to be. Isn't this great??"
You can handle it. Right Coach??
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Remember Fast Times at Ridgemont High - Damone's 5 point plan:
LOL. and always put on Zeppelin IV
Didn't take too long 'fore I found out what people mean by "down and out" Spent my money, took my car Started tellin' her friends she gonna be a star I don't know, but I been told a pill-headed woman ain't got no soul
if we were to ask your wife, what positive changes has she seen in you? what makes kevin a more attractive option to being single? how would she answer? this is important.
I don't think she could say anything since she refuses to have anything to do with me.
I am doing more with myself. But she doesn't see it or know it or care. Thats what gets to me someimes is that she doesn't care. It makes me angry sometimes. Why waste your time with something such as M if you don't believe in the vows and covenant being for life? Why bother? Why not just take that money and go have a fantasy vacation if it truly means nothing? Why marry in a church if it means nothing? It just seemed like something neat to do? The bible doesn't say you can just get divorced and remarried and all is good as long as you are happy and didn't like your situation. It doesn't say that anywhere.
Doesn't matter what it says though. Some people just don't care. And if you bring it up, you are judgemental.
Yes, I remember fast times at ridgemont high and what #2 was and that is a PMA which I need to get back today. I try to focus on me, but then I slip and get angry about my circumstances and my W not acting like we have vows and a covenant. She just pisses it away. Yes I pissed away my obligations in many ways for years, but not the ultimate covenant. You can piss on it and defile it and stomp on it all you want, but you can't make it go away. It still exists once you take that vow. No man can separate what God joined together.
Uggg...
Anyways, I am going to force myself to snap out of this and focus again. I was doing good again and then slipped again. Blasted me. It takes time. I have to keep reminding myself to pray with real faith, do not doubt Him and live for him and he will heal all things when it is time.
I just have to keep reminding myself of this and look forward to each day one day at a time and look for the positives of that day and not the negatives.
I have to do what that song by Petra says "Get On Your knees And Fight Like A Man" and then entrust my W to God just like I told Orich. That same advice applies to me.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
K - you know what - you're reacting normally to the situation. It hurts bro, it hurts a lot. Back slides are normal. At least I think they are. I'm 8 months ahead of you and 3 weeks from being divorced and I still have them. Had one the other day. What i try to do is figure out what causes them for me. For me it's always the same thing. A memory. A memory of a thing we did, a place we were, or the person she used to be. Sometimes my backslide can last two or three days. How can that not be normal. What usually brings me back is her erratic behavior that proves she is no longer that person. Whether she is again someday is something I can't control, so I won't try.
I think it's great how you are reaching to your faith. But one thing, it sounds like you are expecting her to also. She's not going to. That gets back to the no expectations. Coach and I had many long cell phone conversations about that!
My W ran the CCD program at our parish, was a Eucharistic minister and was personally responsible for getting my boys and me into our religion. On the same day she gave that all up. And hasn't been to Church since. That was 15 months ago.
Anyway - just here for you bro. Stop beating yourself up and get busy living.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
But one thing, it sounds like you are expecting her to also. She's not going to. That gets back to the no expectations.
That is a problem. I keep thinking she used to have faith and believe so at some point it has to come back to her right? I keep thinking that. So far it doesn't appear from the outside that it is. I think, how can you just throw away everything you believe in with your faith? How can you say it doesn't matter? I love her dearly and I want us to be back together and I want to believe that she wants to do what is best for our family and faith. I want to believe it.
The more I look back, the more I realize she was slipping further and further away from her faith and our M and I just didn't pay attention. I should have. The fool I was. I could have prevented most if not all of this.
Well, damage takes time for even God to repair. He doesn't do it over night. So faith I will keep and build stronger.
In the mean time, it looks like I have a poker night with friends scheduled for August 22nd. That should be a lot of fun. I always enjoy it with friends.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
The other thing is the clock has been restarted on no contact in her mind again. I wonder how long the clock will run on that. I have to make sure I don't ever restart that clock again once it is done chiming.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
