A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[dolphin_05]

Dia, when I considered H's love language I considered both the way he acted during the best times towards me and others and then thought of his criticism of me. I realised Acts of Service was his. He also said, "I can never make you happy" or something along those lines. I recognised that he needed words of affirmation. I guess I'm a lot more strategic now and I do text or email when I recognise his efforts and I am happy with him. I ask him to help me occasionally so he can feel good by doing Acts of service for me. I loved that book and feel it, along with DR have made a huge difference for my sitch.

[Fallgirl]

Ok

Now I KNOW I`ve gotta get the Five Languages of Love! Thanks Dia!

[givingitmyall]

Dia,

That is funny b/c my LL's are Words of Affirmation followed very closeley by Physical Touch. I suspect most men have those as their primary LL's.

That book was a quick read, but oh so helpful.

I would let your H initiate any affection/touching and respond accordingly - just don't go overboard with it. At the same time, you don't want him to feel "rejected.". I know its a fine line, but you can walk it.

[mac-ct]

Hi dia,

I echo givingitmyall - you're doing really well. Proud of you girl!

And thanks for asking about the new fishy. She made instant friends with Stick (short for LipStick). It's so cute!

Hope it's a premonition of things to come.

Have a great day - yours will just be starting - it's 13:30 here.
One more appointment to sort other people's problems out and then I can concentrate on my own

Have a wonderful one everybody. We deserve it.

Mac

[Dia]

Thanks for stopping in, everyone!! I'm out of here in an hour or two to make the 4-plus hour drive to where H lives. Since DBing has to stay covert, I might not be around much for the next several days. I will check in as I can but please forgive me if I am not making the rounds or commenting as much as I have been.

Oh, and another good thing - in the last 6 weeks, I have dropped about 15 lbs. I am overjoyed, especially because I am not 'doing' anything, not dieting. I've been reading The Gabriel Method, but that isn't a diet and I'm not controlling what I eat - just eating what and when I feel like. Whatever is happening, tho - I'll take it!!

I need to drop maybe 30 more before I get into 'smoking hot' territory, but for now I'm just happy with those first 15.

[givingitmyall]

Good luck.

[sandi2]

I could have left tomorrow, but not w/o my books, and yes, I know I can't let him see them, not DB and DR at least. What about Love Languages, tho?

Never let him see any material on the subject of M. He doesn't need to see you reading books, watching/listening to M programs.....nothing. It would be like a threat....or pressure to a WAS.

[Dia]

HI, all,

Quick check in.

I am at H's house. Things are light, happy and cordial, but not particularly warm. Not cold either, just not as warm as last time. No hug, for instance. I expected this, of course, but it's still a bit disappointing.

I did not bring the DB book as that way no accidents can happen. I have LL with me, but it's in my luggage so he won't find it unless he's snooping.

I brought kidlet a small present, a lego set he likes that I'd been saving for Christmas but I felt like giving it to him now. H heard, looked over and seemed to approve.

House has been tidied and vacuumed since I've been here and no dishes in the sink - very good things. I'm sleeping on the couch. *shrug* Also what I expected, but, well, you know where I'd rather be sleeping.

We watched a movie as a family, kidlet and I one the sofa and H on the loveseat. He kept looking over at me to see if I was laughing, and I was.

He and kidlet made smoothies for dessert and they were good. I said thank you and observed that he was right - they didn't need any sugar at all. Very light affirmation as before he felt I would never let him be right.

I also noticed that he had replaced some light switches in the house. Not just the face plate, but a whole new type of switch. After I confirmed that he did it - and he was proud to tell me he'd done it himself - I said fairly matter of factly, "wow, I'm impressed. I'd have been too afraid to mess with electricity that way."

I can't touch him, but I can offer words of affirmation. Oh, and he did brush against me in a narrow place in the kitchen, so at least he's not avoiding me to the degree that he would come that close, ya know? This is maybe a good thing?

And things being light, happy and cordial, that's a good thing.

PMA

PMA

PMA

[Dia]

I gotta tell ya, reading LL is making a difference in my interactions with the kidlet. It's SO clear to me now what he's wanting/needing/asking for when he invites me to make a critter with him in Spore, or watch a movie with him or any of the myraid things he wants people to do with him. It's not about the activity - he's asking for love. And perhaps even more important, he's *expressing* love through an offer of quality time. I can't always say yes when he asks, but I am not extremely cognizant of the risks and the effect on him if I say no too often.

[Dia]

So this morning while H was in the shower, I made coffee. I drink coffee too, so making it was as much for me as it was for him. With regard to timing, however, I wanted it to be ready and smelling great when he got out of the shower.

He noticed and said "Who produced this awesomeness?!" I told him I had and he thanked me.

I had gathered a few dishes from the counters and things and put them in the sink, intending to wash them after he went to work. While I was sitting and looking at some funny pictures with kidlet, he washed them while chatting with his dad.

When I went into the kitchen, I noticed the missing dishes. "Hey, who washed the dishes? I was going to do that." H piped up, "Oh, I did." and I thanked him. Not a whole huge praise-fest, just a simple thank you.

So then kidlet joined the fray, adding his happy little voice...

"See what happens when you get back together? Each of you does the chores the other one was planning to do."

EEEK! I *love* that kidlet noticed and called a spade a spade, but I was wincing a bit thinking that H was going to knee-jerk over that comment. Neither one of us said anything about it, and it didn't noticeably tense up the environment or anything.

H said there would be hamburgers for dinner tonight, but that due to traffic, he was going to try coming home a little later than usual to see if it shortened his drive. That could be the pure and simple truth, because I know that the 10 mile drive can take a full hour in rush hour traffic but part of me wonders if it's so he can have a phone call or IM session with the OW. I saw him texting this morning while sitting on his bed. He didn't close the door, which means he was pretty comfortable about the whole thing but yeah, part of me wonders if he was texting her. *sigh*

Patience and PMA!!!