total quarter life mlc

[mdoodles]

i dont trust her either. i have a feeling that the only reason she has not showed up at my door is because my in-laws live next door. i am convinced however, that when i move, she will attempt to show up - this is why i may choose the gated community.

she has never lashed out so much in all this time. they must be hanging by a thread and/or she finally decided to believe me when we spoke in may and she now knows who he really is. however, she is choosing to stay with him and not trust him.

last contact was wednesday, she is due to contact any minute.

it seems she is constantly planning my demise and my lack of reaction to her is making her all the more nuts.

[fisherman]

it seems she is constantly planning my demise and my lack of reaction to her is making her all the more nuts.

That's usually the way it works. Keep it up. Don't give her what she want's. No fuel for her crazy fire.

[job]

She's a desperate woman and right now, I would classify her as a "stalker". Stalkers pull this kind of crap or convince others to do their dirty deeds.

Check your yard out, walk around your car and keey your eyes and ears open. I'm not saying this to scare you, but when they are on the edge like she's appearing, she could do anything. When they are this desperate, sanity goes by the way side.

A gated community would be a nice safety net for you and your son. I agree about your inlaws living next door, but who is to say that she doesn't walk around your place at late hours. I sure she must do drive bys as well. She's a complete nut job. Just be careful.

[mdoodles]

u think she does drive bys? i always wondered that, i know if i was 22 and didnt have a child and my "boyfriend" had a wife, i would be doing it too.

its far for her and she isnt from here, but maybe she does. who knows. sometimes i think she follows me, i havent seen her, but she seems to call when she knows im home.

[job]

Don't be surprised if she knows someone in the area and asks if you are home. Does she have any contact w/your inlaws at all? I wouldn't be surprised if your inlaws don't say something to your h and he tells her about what you are doing.

They have this uncanny way of knowing when you are home. My situation was a bit different...the calls came in when I wasn't home or at work. Until one day, I opted to stay home and work in the yard and that's when I got her with the funeral bit.

Always listen to your gut instincts. Also, I'm going to offer this up to you, do not discuss any more of the calls, texts, etc. w/your h. I'm not totally convinced that he's not a part of this game. Mine played right along w/her on some of the antics. They love to get a rise out of us and see us twisting in the wind. Don't say a word for a while and see what happens.

Your situation brings back a lot of memories of stalking, etc. Stay "mum" on the antics and do what you have to do to take care of the situation. Also, do not believe one word out of your h's mouth about the ow. They will not be honest w/you until after they crash and burn or hit rock bottom and then it's a grain of salt for every word that comes out of their mouths for a while.

[Sanderika]

Good Morning Mdoodles,

Snodderly is wise. Trust her. She is telling you like it is and exactly the same similar stuff I have been telling you.

YES, she does drive bys.....The OW here in my life does them on a fairly regular basis. She comes by here first when she can't find her "Boyfriend".

I actually told my neighbors what she drives and I get reports she's been around even when I don't see her. The other evidence of this is that when my H is here he hides his vehicle behind the barns so she can't see it from the road in my driveway.

The distance she lives does not matter.....The OW here lives 42 miles north from my town. H does not live with me, he lives in my town though. Nothing will stop her if and when she is desperate and feeling insecure. THIS YOU CAN TRUST.

Listen to snodderly and the rest of us. Watch your back. Keep your doors and windows and car locked up at all times.

I think too that the calls have waned for now because H has calmed her insecurities. She won't stay this way for long. Be aware when you least expect it that she will make contact again.

Again, mdoodles....this is what MLC does to men. I agree with snodderly. I have lived it. I have tried to explain to you some of the dramas I have lived through. For now, your H in full blown MLC is behaving as expected and normal (if you can call it that....I do). All you can do is detach and leave him alone. NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER, UNLESS LITTLE SON NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION. NO EXPECTATIONS WHATSOEVER. When H surfaces and he will treat him "as if" nothing is going on and be kind and friendly and genuine. Be real, fake they will surely notice.

This is a long haul....if you want to stand, start practicing and maintaining an approach to H. Don't waiver off your path even for a second. Everytime you do will drive him back into the tunnel. Be prepared for it to take a long time before H recognizes and trusts you and he feels safe being around you.

Keep in mind none of this is your fault. However with that being said, your H does not agree with this statement. So you need to approach H as if to validate his thoughts and feelings.
Mdoodles, unfortunately you have to do all the work. With faith and time, hopefully your H will wake up from MLC Land and want to reconnect with you and little son.

You need to start to pave the path back home for H. You need to make the path look desireable, safe, warm, comforting, loving, respectful,etc....He's likely gone for good unless you can turn his eyes, heart and mind back in your direction.

Stay in touch we all want to help you so much.....

(((((HUGS)))))

Sanderika

[Sanderika]

Another note.....

Age doesn't matter. At 22 or (like here) 44. The OW are simply engaged with married men and for that they are untrusting. They will do desperate things to protect "their investment" or "looking out for their best interest".

They are not respectful people at all.

They behave like "High School Teenagers". They are "Catty". They cannot be trusted. You are a threat to their security. They will resort to stalking, verbal abuse and even physical abuse. I have personnally experienced all three from OW here. I have told you some of this already.

Think back yourself to your high school days and the dramas over boyfriends. Back then (a long time ago) I can remember girls having fist fights and hair pulling and the language OMG over a boy!!! This is the OW now. They are all grown up, and they have thrown themselves, by choice, into a lifestyle of affairs with married men with children and with that comes immaturity and selfish egotistical behaviors.

There is no difference.

You need to release yourself from the drama. You need to instead be the mature grown up woman, mother and wife you are.
You be the better person.

[mdoodles]

great advice guys...thanks.

right now im just trying to deal with finding where to move and where son will be enrolled in school, along with selling our belongings and packing.

h is almost a side note. ow was a side note until she started lashing out. im waiting for her next move so i can act accordingly and hopefully proceed legally.

as for our separation/divorce, im not funding that battle right now, its certainly not as important as finding a place to live and putting food on the table.