I believe many of us would say our spouses, or STBXSs are not the same person we married, nor are we. Although the thought of a divorce was originally devastating, I now realize it would have NEVER worked with her.
I believe at the end of the day, I am a BETTER person for having gone through this. Most of you will validate how crazy my STBX really is, but I had issues too. If we don't reflect on OUR part in the demise of the marriages, then we have wasted all of this grief. I want to thank my STBX for allowing me to be reflective and to be a better communicator and potential partner to someone else.
Now, here's the latest twist from STBX. She wants to take me to court for contempt.
When I returned from Iraq in July 2008, I moved out in August of 2008. D18 was headed off to college in September. STBX took care of all tuition payment issues. We had no written agreement on any money I would giver her, but from August 08 until February 09, I gave her $33,280. If you remove the $1200 that would be my share of tuition, this still left her with $3826 a month for support and alimony. I cut back her payments in January and February and she took me to court for a Pendente Lite Settlement. I then began to give her $3500 month in support AND $1200 a month for D18's tuition I agreed to in court.
WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL......June rolls around, and her attorney sent my attorney a letter saying I was $6000 behind in college payments.
Apparently STBX thinks that NONE of the college funds came all the money I gave her from August 2008 until February of 2009. Her point is that my "formalized contribution to D18's college only began in March.
Hi Gyps! Hope all is as well as it can be for you. I'm thinking this whole dealio is going to go to a trial. The mediator suggested a figure that was a full $1700 less than what she is getting now. I got some bad advice from my attorney, but he is deposing STBX and Smarmster in August. Let the games begin.
I'm not sure how someone can be so "tone deaf" as my STBXW. She:
1. Has an affair with her still married, wedding ring wearing, living at home with his wife boss while I'm in Iraq. He's a partner in the law firm that she is the office manager for!
2. Lets him buy D17 a Jeep, then asks for my military ID so that she can get a Veteran's discount on the Jeep.
3. Allows him to buy her a new car.
4. Allows him to pay to renovate the basement to my house.
5. Takes $11,000/month from me in Iraq, including hazardous duty pay, and puts it into an account where I can't get it. ( I KKNNOWWWWW....my fault!)
6. Asks for 6K more in college tuition.
Does she really want to be on the stand and tell about all of this? Does she want her Smarmyparamourboss to be on the stand, and then try to get lifetime alimony??????
I may have missed something, but your STBXW committed adultery, right? So how is your STBXW is even eligible for spousal support? In a several states, even no-fault ones, infidelity disqualifies one from alimony.
(My xW at first started making noises about seeking alimony as well as child support, and my atty. just started laughing. That got dropped real quick.)
Well I don't know about the adultery laws but from what I've learned - few exist any more. And most people do not get spousal support if they have a job.
I did not commit adultery. I did not know my husband was having an affair. He left me, moved in with maggot and never looked back. Do I get spousal support? No. Do I share in his pension? No. Do I get help with tuition? Once in a while when he feels like it. Child support? Only the minimum court ordered amount which was $321 month until D turned 18. Have not had a dime from him in months.
I still think I got the better part of the deal. I'd be going to court for sure if I were you.
Thanks for the advice. In another weird, bizarre twist: STBX's paramour's wife was diagnosed three weeks ago with cancer and died two days ago! WTF! Ready for this: She died in the ICU where GymWoman works, but she was off that day!
I sent my lawyer the final damge for my Iraq mobilization and deployment: READY...Hold on to your HELMETS, INDIVIDUAL, COMBAT, 1 EACH:
I sent home $141,000, including harardous duty pay, imminent danger pay and family separation pay. She promptly transferred $121,000 of it into another account.
She can explain that in court.......it's only money! I get Gym Woman. She gets Smarmy.............rounds complete, over.
I really feel for Smarmy's wife. Do they have kids? Do you think she knew of the affair? That is just SO sad.
But now your ex might pressure him into M. Heck - if she marries him - you'll definitely be off the hook for alimony. But you know - with all the changes going on - he might just bolt.
Divorce sucks. All the way around. But especially for the kids. Hope yours are doing ok.
I sent home $141,000, including harardous duty pay, imminent danger pay and family separation pay. She promptly transferred $121,000 of it into another account.
If there was proper justice, the STBXW and her fellow scum bag cheater would be sent to the Afgan/Pakistan border (Operation Khanjar) to earn some of the military money they took indirectly through you. But then again, people of their type do not deserve to be anywhere near the brave and honorable men and women of our military
FLTC - you sound like you are doing just great not counting the huge financial mess caused by your selfish STBXW.
It's good to hear that the drama isn't driving your life, that you're in an ever evolving positive relationship. My heart goes out to children of the woman who died.
I would not want to be near your soon to be ex spouse and the widower.. it's a Pandora's box of slugs, muck and sludge.
Thanks, folks! Good to have new posters. Welcome to my life Kerry! I was hugging blast walls and eating the gravel during mortar attacks and she wanted my Military ID so she and Smarmeister could get a Veteran's discount on the Jeep he was leasing for my D17.
Another weekend of STBX trying to be CONTROLLING. It's so weirts. She's the one who wanted out, but can't stop contacting me over stupid stuff.
I went to a wedding this weekend with GymWoman out of state. It was my weekend with D17 and S11. Weeks ago, I asked D17 if she would stay with S11 so I could attend this wedding. I told her I would give her my car, apartment and money. I would also pay her to look after S11. Other than the eating disorder issue, she is highly responsible.
On Thursday, STBX sends me an email syaing she didn't think it was safe, and what if D17 and S11 got into an accident. (Well, it would be the same if they got into an accident and I WAS at home, except it would take me two hours to get to a hospital).
STBX unilaterally decides that S11 and D17 would stay with her, and then says she want to "trade a weekend with me". I did not respond at all.
I did nothing illegal. She unilaterally as usual, makes a decision and then asks me to pay a penalty. I did not even respond.
Gypsy: Your right! UGLY times at the Smarmy/STBX house.
