total quarter life mlc

[mdoodles]

i spoke with the phone company, i do have a case for harassment.

does anyone know what filing harassment entails in ny?

im not sure that i want to do it, but i will continue to document all evidence.

[Sanderika]

Hi mdoodles.....

What a wierd weekend for you!!!! OMG!!!! I can't believe the number of calls......You need to watch out. She is a woman scorned and obsessed. You are an obvious threat to her security.

I would agree that your H must not have been with her, Hmmmmmm. Which brings up an obvious question. Where was he?

Has your H been around you and son this weekend or his folks?

A harrassment suit usually requires a complaint in court and then having papers served to the defendant as to the nature of the complaint instigated by a plaintiff. Similar to any other lawsuit. The burden of proof would fall on the plaintiff.

Notifying your local police department might be wise. They would also be able to give you some advice.

You need to promise that you are keeping an eye on your back at all times. I would not rule out a surprise visit at your home by her. If she is truly desperate she will do something more.

I wonder if you could call forward your phone numbers to H's phone at night so he recieves the calls instead of you. That would be an interesting twist for her to swallow. Just thinking here.....

You sound strong.....Keep the PMA.

(((((mdoodles)))))

Have a nice day.....

Sanderika

[mdoodles]

that is a very interesting idea - forward to his phone....i love it, but somehow think that is me playing along in this game.

im doing well not reacting or discussing it with him, for now that is how i will "play" it.

he was not around this weekend, which is odd of late, im wondering if he has a secret job.

its possible they had a fight saturday (it seems they are fighting often) and he went out for one of his drives. she might have thought he was here. i dont know.

i do watch my back, didnt hear from her yesterday but i have a feeling i will today.

[kissak]

Have them forwarded to the Sheriffs Dept!

That probably wouldnt work though...lol.

But it might stop her from doing it.

[mdoodles]

im totally totally fuming. u can see my other post under infidelity.

h was here and flipped that i sold our patio furniture without "consulting" him.

i was like, gee, im sorry, we have no money, u havent paid a bill. u can have the money, just show me the bills paid with it.

said no. i was like, did u consult me on selling the contents of our store and giving me nothing from it?

tells me this was marital property. i said, by the way, u left the marital house and havent given me money in a month.

somehow your cars havent been reposessed, u have money somewhere.

i am still fuming!!!!!!!

i followed it all up in an email to him and sent it to my attorney.

it kills me that he can sit there and say i didnt consult him?

was i consulted when he chose to have an affair? and support her? and spend our money on her? and her bills? and his porsche?

when was i ever consulted?

[Sanderika]

Hi mdoodles,

I understand your frustration. I think you said all the right things. I think all of your frustrations are valid and justified.

H is to blame for the money issues. In H MLC, H is all about blaming you for the marriage and financial and any other thing thing he considers trouble. He can blame, do not validate. Do not retaliate, sit quietly. When he appears to finish, walk away.

IMO H quit his good paying job to open a store he didn't make a committment to. IMO, as a business owner, your store was destined to fail because of the complete lack of attention given to it. H opened it out of fantasy, MLC fantasy. It was also fantasy that it would run itself and be an instant success. You get out of something what you are willing to put in. H didn't put in any effort or time you can't run a store on bankers hours. He failed. "FAILURE IS ALWAYS A DECISION" Mdoodles you did not fail here. This was an endeavor H appeared to take on himself. H threw in the towel. H quit. He knew going into it you were a stay at home mom. The success of the store was H's burden.

H is now blaming you for the financial troubles.

H is a hypocrite for telling you the household furniture is marital property while he apparently believes the store was not (?) H is in a delusional fog. It's all about him. It's all about blaming mdoodles for all his problems. H took the money from the store and didn't share it with you. H is living off those resources if he has not found a job. I am not convinced he has a job.

You need to approach H in a different manner. I think you need to detach further and leave him to sort out the problems. H needs to be left alone with the problems he created. H needs to see the consequences for himself. He is not listening to you right now. Stop talking about the problems and OW and relationship. Start a new plan, try talking about little son and the funny things he does and says or the weather for that matter. Start keeping it a lighter atmosphere around H. Go "as if" completely.

Mdoodles, I know the issues and the fears and the pain. I also know it won't make matters better right away and the financial burdens won't take care of themselves. I'm saying pass the burdens on to him and make him face them. H is avoiding and living in the fog of selfishness and immunity. You need to let go of the burden and hand it over to him to figure out.

This is so hard, I would love to fix this. I don't really have the answers. Sometimes a different view can give you ideas. We can't truly be with you, the support is here.

When do you see H next? Let's decide how you are going to detach further.

(((((Hugs 4 U)))))

Take care, my friend....

Sanderika

[mdoodles]

thanks sanderika. the thing is, i am "as if" with him. i never question him, never mention her. never.

BUT the bills are an issue. i have given him plenty of time, they are now 2 months late. we need money here. our house is foreclosing. so everything that was said yesterday was justified and in response for his absurd comment about the furniture.

i do not know when i will see him again. im assuming either friday or sunday. i have not called him or texted him.

[mdoodles]

i have trouble updating both of my threads at the same time!

i have an appt with attorney for tomorrow, i decided its time to request support. i intend to tell my attorney to convey the following message:

i do not want wish to proceed with a separation/divorce at this time, especially because of our financial situation. any money we have left is needed to supply son and i with new residence and vital living expenses. what i do want and need right now is child support/spousal support.

i found an apt i like, can get it for august 15, which is good for starting the school year. problem is the money. few apts on long island, whatever there is, is rather pricey. have to figure it all out, will need my family to help in the meantime.

h called yesterday, i answered and said, hey, im on another call, will have son call u back. ok? bye.

i was proud. son called him later on...i had some things to discuss with him, but since they werent life threatening, i chose not to get on the phone because i was so proud for not talking earlier...

[kissak]

Good job on avoiding the phone call with H and good luck with the Apartment.

I think its good that you are taking a step towards child support. He needs to help you whether he can or not.

[smith18]

I am curious about what the lawyer says can be done legally regarding getting him to pay pendente lite support without having to file for a legal separation or divorce.