Still Wondering How To Handle Things!!

[Sanderika]

Hi m....

It would be very interesting.

I think we would all end up with a different outcome.

I would be doing it to heal and have peace. I would be doing it to finalize what H started. Men do what they want, maybe this is what he wants and he is just too cowardly to follow through. I have to wonder if my H isn't just trying to save his assets. I really have to look at it different from you both. I have already lived the pain of my H serving me with D papers after having been together for 25 years.

For me all I have to do is call my lawyer and tell her to proceed. Our filing is already in the court system. You and kissak have to start from scratch. You two have to be the ones to be the bad guy. It's going to be harder for you. My H already filed and got the ball rolling, I would be merely complying with him what he started.

I have been at this since: 8/16/05, my H is still with same OW.

Kissak has been at this since: 12/23/06, her H is not with OW or anyone else right now.

You have been at this since: 10/ /06, your H is with same OW I presume.

I think it is time we face the changes that have occured since our bombs were dropped on us. It's time to review and decide what's improved and what's still wrong. It's time to really decide if things can improve and change and repair.

I see lots of changes but none are significant enough to say we are working towards a reconcile. OW is still in picture and that speaks volumns.

Kissak has a good chance to repair because there is no OW. Men do not like to be alone. She is growing very tired and is convinced her H is only playing games. I would venture to say she does not also see any significant changes. Kissak, sorry to speak on your behalf, I hope I am not out of line.

M, what do you really see?

I have said this before and here I go again:

My H will not realize what he's lost until it is gone. I think we need to D in order for H to really feel regret and loss. It is through that painful loss that he will change. I just hope he comes to me and is honest.

I think we are working ideas, let's keep it up....

S

[mdoodles]

actually sanderika, my husband filed and had me served june 3, 2008 and that night we agreed to put it on hold.

then in may i had my attorney send his a letter to have it discontinued, we needed the money from our retainers for the store, and at that same time, he started talking with her again, all hell broke loose and his lawyer sent mine a letter saying my h wishes to move forward again.

he never mentioned his wish to move forward to me, my lawyer said he has never seen a case quite like mine.

we are not responding to the letter, it was not a legal document.

one has to wonder, would he have sought out the lawyer if i didnt first? probably not.

and if he wanted a separation/divorce so badly, he would most likely be pushing me and discussing my lack of response to the letter.

so yes, i could move forward right now. but im not.

and really, all he will get from me is a legal separation, which i know psycho ow has no idea about!!!!

i think for me, and probably for you guys, once it would be all said and done, all legal, all split and no more sex, they would realize and come running.

i am just not there enough to proceed.

not strong enough for that. not yet.

[kissak]

I feel the same way Mdoodles....its not what I want and thats why i am having a hard time doing it. Im not ready to give up yet. I think just making my H feel the rejection I have felt for a couple of years now last night was just me testing the waters....He has been quiet this afternoon...not saying much. He is moody. Im just trying to go about my life and not dwell on what ifs anymore. Taking just one day at a time.

Im sorry you are crying Sanderika. God has better things waiting for us either way for just standing for our marriages....maybe we can pray for that better thing being a better marriage with our Husbands....if not, at least we know there will be something better in the end.

((((Hugs girls))))

[kissak]

My H did give me separation papers around this time last year I think...His therapist was kinda pushing him to do it...he went to his lawyer, had them drawn up....gave them to me, I took my time making my changes, had him pay for my lawyer to look over them....gave them back in September I think...I took my time doing it....he took them back to his lawyer the next day....his lawyer had him ask me some questions about the changes I wanted made before I signed them....I have yet to see the final product and not heard anything of them since Sept last year...i think.

Keep posting girls...will figure out some things...I gotta go for a while...

take care!

[WCW]

Interesting!
My H switched off like a light switch in Sept 2003.
I found out about ow in May 2004. Gasp! I was totally caught off guard, my H would never do that to me!
Can I join your club? lol

H never moved out but most of his stuff is somewhere else.
H had a place rented in 2006 (sshhhh, that's still a secret) but has always slept here on the couch.
6 years of hell but I am cautiously hopeful yet.
IMO H is slowly working his way back into my life.
We do more things together again this year than in the 5 previous years.
We have valleys and mountains to go yet, but I keep my eyes on the horizon of where I want to go. H can come with me if he chooses.
I grow weary of the physical and emotional abandonment by H but I know he is not the type of guy that will go all gushy and admit the last 6 were started by his unadmitted ow and come crawling back, but I can have continued patience while he finds his own path back to the fairy tale R we had.

[kissak]

Yea, you can join our club! Its not the best club to be in, but we will make it work!! lol

[kissak]

ITs funny how the exOW still has so much control over my H's emotions. She broke up with him last August, got married to someone in November, divorced in May of this year...now she is dating my H's brother-in-laws twin brother!! Who lives down the street from me and also from the ex OW! Wow, this woman wastes NO time in finding her next victim!!

But the effect she still has on my H is so interesting. He says they hardly ever talk. But he gets so upset when she ignores him! Today on his Mypce page he said "Never expect anything, that way you wont get hurt"????????????? OK..maybe he's got it! lol....thats what we are taught on here right??lol

I dont get the hold this woman still has on him. Even though she clearly has moved on and just dont want him!

Just a thought on my mind today. I know I shouldnt waste the space...especially on the OW(ex).

Hope you all are doing well today!

[WCW]

kissak, it isn't that the xow has a hold on him. He acts the same way when you ignore him!

[kissak]

True

Only i Have a hard time ignoring him. Wouldnt that make me the better person? No matter what, Ive been here for him, listening and talking if thats what he wants...yet he wants the one that has treated him as if he dont exist. I guess it will just take a while for him to really be over her. He has said he is over her, but really I dont believe he is. I think he would take her back. Maybe thats why he has yet to move on...maybe when she left her H in May, which is when he started withdrawing from me again, maybe he thought in some way she would come back to him....just a thought.

[mdoodles]

they say u want what u cant have.

so maybe we should start being that person, not being available, not being the "sure thing"

i know that is what we are supposed to be doing, but its just so hard!

i can do it for a few days, and then i fall back again.