Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

Just a random shot in the dark looking at other threads.

I am enveous of those who were able to stick it out in the same house while they try and DB. That is such a luxury that if I had, I probably wouldn't be here today the way things are.

Well, atleast I am enveous of those where the M problem doesn't involove OP, anyways.

EDIT-

Oh, and I texted W to see if we both can go together enroll the kids. I fear they may have a residency issue with me, and this way we are all on the same page. See what she says.

[dday101798]

XW texted back that it's fine we go together. It will be our first time "doing something" together that doesn't reuire an attorney present in quite some time. Ought to be interesting.

Then she texted me that there is a fan fiar fest near the racetrack for the upcoming race weekend if I wanted to take the boys. Unfortunately weather and finances are not allowingthat to happen. Yeah it's free to get in, but it's quite a drvie and my gas budget is already streached to it's limit.

ok, wait now she's texting me leasurely on how the fireworks show I took the boys to was crappy. So I take it she was there? And replied, yes. and th plot thickens.

[dday101798]

Ok, so XW just spent her lunch break just radomly texting back and forth and having nothing to do with the kids.

The last time we were like this was New Years, which was the last and only time she hinted she was thinking of ending it with OM so we could work at being better friends with the 'hope' to become more.

I think I'm going to have to revisist my thread from that time period and my personal journal (if I can find it) and take notes on what I did wrong that time around.

This is crazy, I have butterflies in my stomach. This woman has torn my life all apart and yet the slightest simple communication is practically euphoric.

[mishka422]

Don't let the euphoria suck you back in though. She hasn't fixed her issues yet and may just be looking for an escape from the sitch she has put herself in. Tread carefully.

[dday101798]

Yes I know. It's just ever so tempting. And in reflecting, I think that's what blew it before, I went along with it all too well.

I just really miss the friendship we had. I know if and when that may happen, I know that will never be the same, but my goodness, this is like that first ice cold beer on a hot summer Friday night after a crappy week at work.

I'm just going to poke along with whatever this is going. Be a little mysterious. Funny, last Thursday my phone was blowing up between calls and texts from everyone as to what was going on for the 4th. She had a strange look on her face as the situation was strange as my phon eis usually dead silent with the exception of a collections call. lol.

[dday101798]

Ok, insert mystery, now she's calling.

[mishka422]

and she called about??????

[dday101798]

Dunno no message.

But.......................

Got a call on way home, it was the kids. S11 asked if I wanted to talk to XW, I only said if she has something she needs to talk about, nope, convo ended.

Thereafter, XW called, we went over school issues, she sounded kind of excited they were staying in their rightful schools and seemed kind of shocked I knew the same things she did about the process (she normally handeled it). All in all, plaeasent conversation, she was upbeat.

Then she called again about the status with the dentist's office balance and we kept it to the kids on both accords.

Given her tone I really think she was tyring to search me out, call me crazy, I know this woman, or at least who she used to be.

So, I played along, and I think I played well, I WILL NOT let her know that despite all she's done I still would like to fix this mess.

Oddly, ran into former BIL at the grill, little prick gave me a nasty look I wanted ot ram down his throat and out his a..ho.e.

[dday101798]

uggh, what DOES this all mean? Why the abrupt urge from XW to be in contact?

IS it real, is it game?

Couldn't come at a worse time. I'm 'home' alone and my cousin just called in to make sure I was ok and as I 'shouldn't be alone this week'. I respect the caring notion, I really do, but I didn' tneed the reminder.

And thus, the 'coaster' goes down the hill for the night.

It would be so much easier if she (XW) just hated me and left for good. I have a heart, although not perfect at times in her regard, bu tit is there, and she knows how to use it against me.

I just hope I don't screw up during the course of whatever this is she has planned out now. I think I did very well today, kept a upbeat tone (which was easy as I was delighted to hear her voice in a upbeat as well).

I'm just afraid she's trying to pull me back in as that safety net, which I'd gldly be, but SIMPLY CAN NOT. She needs to hit the bottom, she needs to know what it feels like. But yet, I can't stand back and watch her go through it. BUT I MUST.

dylan, get your f'n head together man, get it together.

[dday101798]

questions:

What's worse?

1-being the LBS loving someone who puts on every best effort to show that love is worthless?

2-being the WAS that knows that same love is there and pretending to ignore it?

And lastly, and I'm sorry as I know ther are many of faith here, if our God is merciful and compationate, why the F must this be endured?