Man, that is terrible! Are you going to file for custody of your little girl? I think your W is a very unstable parent and is also violent with "adults"--which puts the baby at risk of possible abuse. Is your D lawyer going to deal with that or would that have to be a different court case?
Do you have parents or anyone that could help you if you had custody of the child?
What your W is doing is beyond immaturity. It is crazy! Your lawyer needs to hit her with everything he can. Although, if she's not protesting the D, then I suppose it makes no difference about that part. Have you said anything about custody or have you considered it?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, Since I have detached from my W, she is using my D2 as a tool against me. She sent me a text today telling me to communicate with her and also that she wasn't going to let me see my daughter unless I do. Then my W sent another text asking me what I was doing with my D2 this weekend...My W is still trying to play games with me and also control me. A few days ago, she was begging me to get off early today to get our D2. She claimed that she had to study for a test. Now, let her know that I'm getting off early, and she tells me that our D2 is going swimming with some other kids. She is trying to provoke me into whining and complaining. I'm going to stand my ground this time and not give into her foolishness.
I'm also in the process of filing for D next week. I'm believing for the impossible but God isn't limited to only work while we are legally M. Plus, I don't want to be with someone that continues to lie,commit adultury and treat our D2 like a Barbie doll.
It's just ridiculous that someone could be so self-centered though. Yesterday, she sent me a text begging me not to drag the D out because she is starting Nursing school next year. How selfish is that? I'm not claiming to be perfect, but I at least die daily and learn from my mistakes.
How long have you been DB'ing, has it been a while? Filing for divorce would be considered LRT, last resort technique, have you tried everything else yet?
Sandi, Yeah, I'm going to file for full custody with my W having visitation rights. Of course, she wants custody of D2, but she isn't capable of caring for her properly. My mom is going to help me with my D2. At first, I was going to do joint custody,but W isn't being responsible.
She ended up calling me and letting me know my D2 was ready to be picked up. When I arrived, she kept trying to get me to speak to her. My W said are you going to say bye? I said Bye...She is getting frustrated about me being short and straight to the point with her. W is getting the picture now. Her attitude is changing slowly. She still has alot of growing up to do.
God gave me many signs that I would have died spiritually and been a emotional wreck if I would have continued allowing my W to destroy me.
"Suffering is painful but makes you a stronger person".
Robx,I haven't been DBing that long but it is time to move on. I'm still believing for the impossible, but I have to let go of her. I will focus on myself, Jesus and my D2. I was killing myself trying to please my W. She had no respect for me because I was doing the opposite of what I was suppose to do. I'm still standing for my M though.
"Suffering is painful but makes you a stronger person".
(MOG, please excuse me for hijacking. But I wanted to explain to Rob why I have supported your decision. Rob has been around long enough to know my posts pretty well.)
The wife is a a physiological mess, and he does need to distant himself and his little girl from her. I'm glad he can drop the rope and also file for custody for D2 b/c W has violent temper and hits other adults when angry. I worry about the D2's welfare.
I do not suggest this type of advise except under extreme circumstances and I feel that "this" is one of those times.
I hope the W can get professional help b/c she has a lot of very serious issues. Her parents apparently did not do a very good job and from M.O.G.'s information, her dad (the preacher) was not the "man" of the house like he should have been and mother was a b*tch from h3ll. Sure hope little girl doesn't grow up to be another "copy" of those two women in her life!
Later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, My W has been playing games with me. Mainly with my visitation with my D2. Then when I confront her about it she acts like I'm the bad guy.
My W really has alot of growing up to do. She expects me to be a mother and a father to our D2 while she spends money on buying herself things. She turns things around like I'm not being a responsible Father.
Since my mom caught her kissing OM with my D2 in the car, she has been on her best behavior and acts like nothing happened. If her past is mentioned, I'm being Satan trying to tear her to pieces. She really is being manipitive. It is a tought battle, but I will get through it. I don't know her anymore. One minute she is mean and the next she is Satan himself.
I want my M to work, but it will take a miracle to change her behavior. I know God is able, but I have to get my focus off her. My W is still talking to OM but very low key. I'm continuing to detach though. It is kind of tough to detach how I want though since we have a child together.
"Suffering is painful but makes you a stronger person".
I can't remember if you mentioned this, but if your finances had not been spilt from her and your name taken off her credit cards, etc., she will put you in the poor house.
Is there any person you could trust to be your "go-between" in getting your child for the visitation times? I read a great thread about a man who stood up to his WAW and told her that he would never let her know his phone number, mailling address or where he lived. She would not be able to TM him or send emails. He would change everything and he would have another person to pick the kids up and deliever them. If she needed to be told anything, he would have that person to give her a message. He meant to be out of her life forever! Now, she really took notice to that and straighten her little act up. I am not saying "your" W would, but you might want to consider getting a good friend or relative who would agree to do that for you. It would have to be a strong person who she could not back down and use her tricks on. A person who would simply pick up the child, deliever her to you and then take her back home. He/she would deliever any messages between you and W (but only important things...not this silly stuff). There aren't too many people who would be willing to be put in that position, but you may have somebody. Something I would consider if I were in your place. I know you don't want to do that, but she will continue to do this number on you as long as she has the power to do it. That power must be taken from her before it stops.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi2, My W has already put me in deep debt and is trying to run away debt free. Everything is in my name because of her credit being bad. I had to freeze a credit card I let her use awhile back and also a debit card. It is sad when you can't trust your spouse with finances. This was a big issue in the beginning of our M too.
My W can't stand anybody in my family for some odd reason. Nobody has done anything to her but recognized her bad treatment of me. She really can't stand my mom because she took over the car notes on the Jeep and has been driving it since our separation. My W gave me the phone I bought her,her wedding rings and also the Jeep when I found out about OM in April 08. Now, she regrets giving up the Jeep of course and hates me mom even more for driving what she call "her car". God truely was protecting me in that situation with the Jeep. I'm glad her self centerness worked against her in that.
I don't have a go-between person, but your right Sandi about that. I really need to stop all contact with her. Yesterday, W asked me if I wanted to keep D2 while she went to class since I was off on holiday. Later on that day, W sent me a text begging me to watch D2 a few more hours because she has been under alot of stress this week and needed to prepare for her test. I stood up to her and told her I was bring D2 back in a few minutes as bad as I wanted to spend more time with her. My mom actually has been on me too about standing up to W and not allowing her to treat me like a doormat any longer.
When I arrived to the drop off point, W started asking me to get D2 diapers because she only had two left. Keep in mind that I just bought groceries and diapers for my house and also a few things to be nice for W's house. I simply told her I would buy diapers. W said today, and I didn't answer. I think it is ridiculous that she can pay to get her hair dyed but can't buy $10 diapers. She has to start being responsible as a mother too don't you think? W tries to picture me as not being responsible if I don't provide for both households. I'm not the one that caused the separation and is living in adultury. This atitude stems from her Dad providing for their family, and W's mom just laying in the bed all day. All her mom does is eat and go shopping. They have someone living with them that cooks and cleans. The lady that cleans etc tried to warn me not to marry my W, but I didn't listen.
Well, I won't bog everyone down with this post...
Later, MOG
"Suffering is painful but makes you a stronger person".
Don't worry about "bogging everyone down" with your concerns. That is why we are here--to share each other's burdens.
Quote:
She has to start being responsible as a mother too don't you think?
Yes, but that would be expecting her to be responsible "if" she was a normal person. I don't think she is normal in the sense of emotions. It has me very concerned. She has so much hatred in her and that is one reason she is taking you to the cleaners by way of "debt". She thinks if she can ruin you that way, then she'll do it. I am afraid that she is in for many, many bad years ahead, and anyone she hooks up with will suffer at her hands.
I talked to a LBH yesterday about his lack of detachment with his WAW b/c he said he was doing "what Jesus would do". Many people have the wrong concept about that and about Christians letting others walk all over them. So, don't think that you standing up to your W would not be acting like a Christian. Men are taught to have respect and if a W won't willingly give it, then a man has to "man-up" and stand up to that W. Not a pleasant task, but needs to be done. Of course, nothing physical involved.
She is a woman with lots of problems and I think the sooner you can get your little girl away from her and get her out of your life, the much better both of you will be. I think she is dangerous.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
