Hey guys, missed you all too! Things are going great, I can answer your posts and also, he has said some more things. Mish, Kat, Michelle, lovely to hear from you! I have told him about you all, he was impressed I think (afterall, the WAS doesnt get support like this and is often in as much of a dark place).
Hey Dawn! No, keep posting and journalling as much and as long as you need to, your thread is for you, all I meant was, maybe add another summary post afterwards to sum up what you need some help on?? I forgot that, the WAS often stands still emotionally! He has had an issue with his mother, but she has got worse. I see him wanting to make changes but not knowing how to go about it, she is very domineering!
Saffie, I guess we are the lucky ones to get back the life we had before with them. I have so many moments, like you did, that resentments or bad memories pop up, but for now, I smile and keep them largely to myself. I am feeling in quite a position of power already, he wants lots of hugs and kisses and is possibly a little insecure right now about how I feel about him, he seems to need lots of reassurance! (as I do hey). I thought of you after we had a conversation the other night, more of that in a minute.
K - Hello mate! Yep.. he said last night "I want to take you back to Stoupa".. I told him I fear its more built up since we went there many years ago, before their were package tours there. But, I am DEFINETLY coming to mainland Greece in September, so we will have to arrange to meet! So his plan is, his housemate is moving out next weekend, then we are cleaning and painting that house whilst its empty and he will stay with me and we will then pack my place up together.. then move in the following weekend, so 2 weeks time!!! It does seem fast, but then, it just seems like we are resuming normal and it would be MORE wierd to not live together. Apart from that first week when he said he wanted to "take it slow".. we have been together every night bar about 2/3 and no question of not being together every night and all weekend now.
So he said to me at the weekend, "I know you want answers, I know you need them and thats right, but I dont have any answers for you. I just felt mad, like I had gone crazy, I wasnt myself." I asked him how come he acted so wierdly, he said I dont know how I can explain it other than it was like I didnt even know who I was... I gave examples, like, he wouldnt give me his address even, he looked perplexed and insisted he had.. I said no you didnt, you moved in in January and didnt tell me until the end of May. It was like he hadnt realised, he said it wasnt concious.. I asked him why when he wouldnt let me go there, or invite me inside.. he looked sad and upset and said eventually.. I just felt insular, shut off, like I wanted space... I pushed it further - How come you invited your BMF to stay, your Mum, your brother, another MF for the weekend, G came round regularly and MFs A and J and C... but not me? Why was I the big bad wolf? He said, you werent, of course not, I cant explain it, I dont know, I just wanted space...
He told me that Christmas was "awful", that it wasnt at all Christmassy and that it felt "unnatural" to be in that situation and without me. I asked him if he got any good presents, he looked sad and said no.. (my intuition was right, whatever she got him must have been nothing he liked/wanted).. he said his brother got him some chocolate. He looked so sad I joked, ahh, I would have got you some great presents and he said "I know you would have, I actually thought that!" I said on the day?? He said yes!
I said I was surprised he had asked me if I had had anyone in my bed and was he was surprised (that I hadnt moved on/given up) he said, it was "very humbling"...I asked him if he had worried that I might, he said, yes, absolutely, he worried about it all the time, he kept thinking.. has she? I said, but thats crazy ! (like why stay away if he was worried I would meet someone !!??) he agreed, but again, couldnt explain. I said, well you didnt ask me if I had! He said he couldnt, he was too embarressed..
Then he said G told him that I was getting relationship help (from this website? Not sure).. he said he was really upset when he heard that, it made him feel terrible. I asked why and he said "Because I really cared about you and so it upset me".. I said that wasnt nice to hear.. that back then he just "cared about me".. he said, "Of course not! I still loved you, in fact, looking back I realise now that I never stopped loving you all along, stupid hey, but then hindisight is a wonderful thing."
We have been ML alot, but he has had some performance problems, which I got him to talk about.. he said its because he just feels so sad and upset at how he has behaved. I reassured him it is just the guilt, that alot of men in his position on this website have exactly the same issues when they come back, so not to feel odd or worried about it.. he was relieved when I told him that. I suggested we only do it in the dark for now instead, so he doesnt have to 'face me', or look me in the eye.. and strangely that worked just fine !!
He said did we really have to take the February date as our anniversary anymore? He had been thinking that we should move it, as it would have been our 10th, so if we move it to a date in the future, we could still have it (how sweet!). I admitted I felt he 'owed me' an anniversary as I thought we would be back together by February. He agreed completely and said he was thinking September.. so I dont know what date we will arrive at.. but seems he has been thinking about it, he then said "I want to take you back to Stoupa".. and a few weeks back he suggested going there in September. I cant help wondering if he plans to ask me to marry him then (his bestest MF asked his gf on their 10th anniversary). He doesnt want to use the recent date when we got back together a a 'new' anniversary. I asked him if he even remembered when it was... (thought, bet not!) and he grinned "oh yes.. 15th May.. Friday night!" I said, wow, how come you remembered?? He said, oh I remember the date clearly, because I was so excited you were coming...
So we still havent made ANY reference to an ow (although we have established I had no OM!) but there is some progress. He still seems hugely upset and is quite clingy with me !!!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hey T! Yep, pretty amazing hey? I just hope it helps anyone reading along.. even if their WAS hasnt the guts/strength to come back and reverse their decision, truth is, some probably do regret leaving and just lost their minds for a year or two or three! Its hard to believe hey, but he's adamant, he just felt 'crazy'. Question is (I forgot to ask!) is he still a bit crazy, or through it and thats behind him now? Hmm, shades of perhaps, but he seems WAY more relaxed and contented. He does still get down and is back on AD's.
Its like we were never apart in some ways, but in others, I still cant stop staring at him in wonder at times, soaking up the sight of him, kissing him alot, to think he didnt even phone me for 4 months! I bought that up to and he just looked uncomfortable (that was the helen era hey).. he also said that he thought I was "sexy and beautiful" and always had done, since the day he met me, that he always thought I was too good for him..I said, well, then if its not a silly question, how come you... if you thought that.. and he said, what? That just becuase I thought you were sexy and beautiful that there could never be anything that could tear us apart?.. I got a bit nervous at that point and so ended that discussion ! He also needs reassurance too and loves it when I say "good morning gorgeous", or tell him how funny/handsome/lovely he is.
Oh Al, your post has brought a lump to my throat. I'm so pleased that BF is opening up and so pleased that he's saying sweet and beautiful things to you.
Not that I want back with my ex, but you certainly make me a bit more hopeful that things will work out in the end. I agree that maybe you should just ask about Helen, that will take the elephant out of the room won't it?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Lisa! I told him about our IMing, he thought that was cool! I havent told him the name of this website (he doesnt seem interested.. if it were me I would have hunted it down and read ALL of his posts by now!!!). But, when he said how come you were on this site too.. and I told him about you and how K's H walked out the same time as him.. he got very upset and hugged me tightly and said he was so sorry. It must be wierd for him, to know there is a load of us woman in the same boat, like it amplifies what he did!
Andabelle, Kat, Lisa, Michelle.. I'm so glad you are happy to hear all of this, I dont post everything, I am concious that I am in a quite blessed position right now. Theres the odd wobble, but when there is, I am VERY good at counting my blessings and just looking at him and remembering, I didnt even know where you lived once and now I can kiss you whenever I want.. and then the sun comes out and I just smile...
I was thinking tonight, I cant go on with NO reference to an ow, its too wierd. I want to ask him about last summer too, all those bike rides, nights out, phonecalls, 12 hour dates with me to then drop me like a stone (haha K!) why did he do that? How could he have done that? Thats when things got really bad for me, so I have to ask him about it. And especially as I want to put it behind us someday!
Michelle, well remembered, it IS like he read my mind, I posted that I just want to go back to Greece with him! I didnt even hint. He just phoned and said he would love to go to Athens too.. and we talked about all the historical places we want to visit. I told him about the great new museum at the Parthenon that M went to and how we would get to meet her and he said he thought we should definetly do that and get it organised
