Jumping in (1st post)

[Gardener]

Gucci,

Hi. Thanks for taking the time to read up.

I believe there is someone else she is interested in.

I'm going to disagree. I know her.
Could I be wrong? Yes.

She is showing many of the signs that a woman shows when they are interested in someone else or having an affair. The biggest hint is that she seems to be "pushing the divorce."

But she's not pushing, Gucci.. The Bomb was 11/2/08. My wife referred to it as a one year "respite" at that point. She moved out 12/03/08, asked for a divorce 5/13/09, then said nothing about it for over a month and then agreed to shelve it for still another month. That'll be almost eight months at that point.

I think my wife thinks there's no hope...yet she hopes she's wrong. (did that make sense?)

The signs are there.

What other signs do you see that I'm missing?

And, Gucci, I'm not trying to argue, here, by any means. In fact, the dialog, the back and forth helps, me to think and re-examine aspects of all this.

Thanks.

[Gardener]

Initiate a little. I hope the fireworks thing works out.

sg,
I went to see fireworks alone last night. It was great despite being alone and it was terrible because I was alone. So, all in all, quite normal.

This afternoon I called my wife and said, "I'm going to the town fireworks tonight and I'm calling to invite you to come with me." Seems a bit stiff as I put into printed form here, but it went well. She said, "Yes." immediately (fact), enthusiastically (fact + mind-reading?), and sounded kind of...relieved (total mind-reading, here).
She chatted a lot on the phone. I didn't even bother trying the "hang up first deal". It was good. 12 minutes on the phone.

So, I plan to be with my wife, to be comfortable, no egg-shell-walking and to have a little fun together. Nothing more.

[givingitmyall]

Gardener,

Thats good news. Again, our similarities persist - I am going to fireworks tonight with my W and D. I do not think my W is as interested as yours though. Anyway, we can both make the most of it.

Good luck.

[Gardener]

Gardener,

Thats good news. Again, our similarities persist - I am going to fireworks tonight with my W and D. I do not think my W is as interested as yours though. Anyway, we can both make the most of it.

Good luck.

Amen. Good luck. Enjoy.

[Faith2010]

Gardener-

Good luck tonight. Have no expectations - just relax and have fun - like you said. Show her the man you have become.

[Orich]

My W is with her family tonight, and I am with mine. The boys are with me. She didn't want to come here I think because she doesn't want to be near my folks now that they know that w told me she was done. She still hasn't told her family there are any problems btw.

[Gardener]

So, I plan to be with my wife, to be comfortable, no egg-shell-walking and to have a little fun together. Nothing more.

Well, two out of three ain't bad: quite comfortable, not an eggshell underfoot. Fun? I had a blast. Not together, though.

Picked my wife up at her apartment. Pleasant enough ride to town field. I mention that S, DIL and Grandson are here somewhere. Walking two minutes from car to field she twice comments that "this isn't a date, you know". Okay. Uh-huh (on the ride home later, a better answer comes to me: Wish I had simply said, "I know; I didn't ask you on one." Ah, hindsight).

She asks if S and DIL know she's going to be there. I told her that they don't even know I'm coming, let alone both of us. To which my wife replies that she doesn't want them to think this is a date. DIL sees us, expresses surprise to see either of us and says, "it's so nice to see you guys together." My wife replies - what else? - "This isn't a date. We're just here for the fireworks." Methinks thou doth protest too much, I think, Bardly.

She's doing what I can only describe as a "polite acquaintance" approach toward me and is her usual warm, effervescent self to the rest of the family all evening.

Wife and I go to get food, acquaintance-like. After eating, I mention that I'm going down to check out the band and the crowd "if anyone wants to join me." So I go alone. Spent the next couple of hours enjoying S, DIL, GS, the crowd, games, atmosphere. And I had a great time.

I sat near her on the blanket as the fireworks show was on. We always both get so identically, over-the-top kiddy-giddy at fireworks and tonight was no different.

i drove my wife back to her new home and came home with three recurring thoughts during the drive:
- That is one serious, well-constructed wall she's built for herself.
- I feel pitifully sorry for her choosing to live behind it
- I don't want to be with the woman behind the wall

I think I'm better off returning to Last Resort Techniques. I was pondering dropping them for a while and trying the other DB stuff, but, no.

If I were to violate the rule of do not initiate any relationship discussions, I would ask her what she meant exactly in her crying voicemail response to the Anniversary Note last weekend: "I'm calling to say thank you for the note. It meant a lot to me to receive it. Today of all days."

But I'm not going to yet.

[sgctxok]

You did a GREAT JOB! Esp with the blanket thing.


Good feelings lead to more good feelings. Don't do the R talk. Those do NOT feel good. And they don't mean more than the actions. They are sooooo overrated.

You DO want to pull back a little now. Let these good times absorb....sink in for her.

GO Gardener!!!

[Gardener]

sg,

Well. you certainly have a much more positive take on what I thought was a rather walled-off, so-what experience.

Would like to know how you interpret the evening as I've described it.

Thanks.

[givingitmyall]

Gardener and Sgt,

Gardener and I had a very similar evening with our W's (and our sitch's are pretty similar). So, I am watching this thread pretty closely.

Great advice sgt. Think I will pull back a bit today.