Your wife is cheating on you and taking you for an idiot.
Puppy has some great advice, far better than what I can give you. I can say that playing Mr. Nice Guy, supplicating to your wife will make her lose any respect for you.
Your wife is in a drug-like state because her brain is flooded with infatuation chemicals - she will be carrying on like a crack addict for some time yet.
You guys are right...I just have to get out of my comfort zone here and do what's right...You guys have convinced me that it is right...The problem I have is that I am driving tomorrow with my 2 kids and my niece 12 hours to see her family where she is there at the moment, her father is not in that great of health all of a sudden to bring this kind of thing up while I am away, I believe will not be appropriate or it may be appropriate depending on the situation...Heck she is there to get clarity on what she wants to do in our relationship...I know ..I know....I will have to see how it goes and play it by ear..I would rather talk to her when I get back..I don't want to be all uncomfortable there...
M:35 W:36 M:10 yrs T:11.5 yrs C: B7, G3 ED: 3/09 DB: 3/20/09 Served 12-8-09 Still going through the process
Puppy, let me ask you this...by confronting my wife about this and having a backbone about it marriages have been saved more because of it other than the other way of being nice...Is there an example in the forums that a couple of people have tried this tactic and it worked in their favor?
M:35 W:36 M:10 yrs T:11.5 yrs C: B7, G3 ED: 3/09 DB: 3/20/09 Served 12-8-09 Still going through the process
When someone says always or never or gives you a percent...it is their perspective. Only you can best work with your own marriage.
That said....Taking the hard line is the AFTER THE LAST RESORT...NOT the LAST resort. If you confront her, you have to ALWAYS live with that. You have lots of other room if you don't.
If your goal is to save your marriage, do other things first...We can help you brainstorm....one of the coaches is your best bet.
This is something Puppy and I....though we agree on a lot...we very strongly are opposite on this. And you can find all the reasons on the board. The one you CAN'T use is that he's never seen it work. Nice guy does work. Not for everyone.
Don't confront and then don't out her unless you can't not do it. It seems to end a lot of affairs, but it does not seem to save marriages.
Your energy needs to be focused on saving your marriage....and that needs to be your goal if that's what you want to do. And to do that, you need to have her love you again.
So what was it that made her love you to begin with. And what are her complaints about you. Start there. Start over.
Last edited by sgctxok; 07/06/0901:45 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I have been focused on saving my marriage for the last 4 months, it definitely seems like she is playing me even though the reason she said that she became emotionally detached was my behavior, I have changed it and now its seems like I am on her string waiting to see what she want's to do? Heck since she has been gone since Friday night she has not called or texted me about the kids, or me or anything about the trip tomorrow...I mean not even asking about the kids!!!
Back then what made her fall in love with me from what I could remember was that I was always there to help her when she needed something, you see she was the baby of her family she moved down here to florida by herself not knowing anyone, I treated her as a friend and respected her, fed her, hung out with her, partied, etc...I was there for her...now she says she does not need that, but I know she does to a certain extent she thinks the kids will be resilient..Hello coo Koo..Coo Koo...Hell she can't even cook...She does not take care of the kids as good as I do, She is in this dillusionary state right now, she is bad at communication at home..But she has no problems calling and talking to her Divorced girlfriend and her coworker that has screwed up his 2nd relationship wanting and pursuing his third relationship with my wife!!! I have spent many a nights in emotional distress over this woman to only have her hurt me more by not respecting me as a man, husband or father...So What am I to do other than this? I want to go see another counselor and see if she is willing to do that...I have a gut feeling that she may say something to me sometime while in KY...maybe not we will see..I am currently coaching with someone and IDK maybe I want things to move a little bit quicker but at the same time It seems like the ball is in her court and I am helpless unless I set some boundaries and this talking to the coworker I believe is part of her confusion...
M:35 W:36 M:10 yrs T:11.5 yrs C: B7, G3 ED: 3/09 DB: 3/20/09 Served 12-8-09 Still going through the process
This is something Puppy and I....though we agree on a lot...we very strongly are opposite on this. And you can find all the reasons on the board. The one you CAN'T use is that he's never seen it work. Nice guy does work. Not for everyone.
I have never seen it work for ANYONE. Not saying that it HASN'T, just that I've personally never seen it. Not only is it not effective -- esp. for a man trying to get back a wayward woman -- but it's emasculating for the man.
If your goal is to save your marriage, do other things first...
SG, he has -- go back and read his old thread. He got horrible advice back then, in my opinion, I told him it wouldn't work, and it hasn't.
I'm not always in favor of a tough stand, but if the past marital style for him is to be overly pleasing and placating, I do think this can be very effective. He just hasn't tried it.
Isn't DB about trying what works, and throwing out what doesn't??
Ok..I got to go to bed now..I have to be up around 330 in the morning..I am watching Fireproof to try to get me to go to sleep...we shall see how the trip goes tomorrow..
M:35 W:36 M:10 yrs T:11.5 yrs C: B7, G3 ED: 3/09 DB: 3/20/09 Served 12-8-09 Still going through the process
