Anyway, more mental gymnastics. I have to take care of me no matter what. It is hard to be even close to ok after only 6 months but it is the only option.
It is the biggest jedi mind trick sh$@ I have ever experienced. Some think being M'd is hard work. I think trying to stay M'd in our sitch's is MUCH harder.
I agree 6 months is still too soon to get past it. I am even earlier in the process than you. We will still hurt, but with the right mindset, we will make it through and be much stronger when we do.
I am sometimes offended by his ability to GAL, is he offended too?
This is one thing that trips me up. Probably because he and I both have unhealthy ideas about what "love" is...it really is one thing that confuses me.
This is one thing that trips me up. Probably because he and I both have unhealthy ideas about what "love" is...it really is one thing that confuses me.
I"m hanging with my kiddos, will try to summarize a little later. Mostly, I think we had a very co-dependent R...I want to think about how to explain concisely.
If someone truly loves you, can they get over it that quickly and just move on?
I just wanted to say I totally understand where you are coming from. I feel like my H has that same issue. He cannot accept that I have and continue to love him unconditionally. But, I am not stupid either and I have done well and am trying to live my life in the best way I can....cuz at the end of the day, I will have to live it, with or without him! I can only try and prep myself for the worst possible circumstance.
But, point was that my H projects his insecurities onto me as well. I think the last time he said that I just calmly reiterated that it is his decision to leave and I am trying my best to respect him. And I think I have repeated that statement several times now. Someone told me to repeat the exact sentence and one day, he may get it.
It is such a mental game....and just exhausting on a daily basis. Its been 2 months for me and I just find this whole thing...exhausting! But, as you said no other options and I refuse to quit on myself!
As sick as it sounds, I am envious that you don't have kids in the middle of this...I love my kids more than anything but honestly, it is just prolonged agony having them on this ride with us.
I have said similar things to H. But, really, I don't think it sinks in. He will use anything as evidence that we can't work. When we have a good time together, it is habit/bad, after that he feels bad, when I am doing well and GAL that is proof that I don't really love him, when I am sad and vulnerable it is too much pressure, when I tell him to give me space because he has stated clearly that he wants this separation, that is me being weird, when I handle him talking about women without weeping it is proof I don't care, when I describe how tormented I was in the beginning he winces and tells me that makes him sad and to stop...
So that is what I meant earlier about "unhealthy." If I wont die without him, I must not have really loved him.
Is this separation just another test? Another trap? I mean throughout our M in the last few years I felt I was being tested. To pass his test, I would have to be independent and self-sufficient but available when and if he needs me and know when to do what. F*ck it. I'm wearing myself out again.
All I really have is me. And, more and more I think Gucci is right. The only thing that has gotten H's attention has been looking good, feeling good and being evasive and GAL...how that will parlay into a new M is a mystery and highly unlikely to happen IMO.
Girl! Have you read Codependency No More? If not, go get it and read it. You and I are so similar it isn't even funny. GO out! Have FUN! Enjoy yourself as that is what living is supposed to be about. Stop letting him have prime real estate in your brain. DETACH! This isn't letting him go. This is letting go of your attempts to control him and the situation. Detaching is realizing that life happens. Whatever bad situation you are in will change. Life does not remain stagnant if you live it. Wallowing in wondering and attempts to control are like a pig wallowing in crap. It only makes you smell bad. Get a life girl. You deserve happiness. Your children deserve to have a mother who knows that she is in control of that happiness and she is in control of her feelings. You are the one who gives your husband the power to affect your feelings. STOP IT! *said in the most loving of voices*
Last edited by goingtofixME; 07/04/0905:26 AM.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
*said in the most loving of voices*