Our kids are out of town this week...should I try kind of going dark? For instance, be gone when H gets home from work, no phone calls, etc. to try & get him to be interested.
OR
The thing that happened recently that got the most positive response was to plan a family day for Father's Day, we all went fishing & had a picnic. Kids & I were catching a flight later that night to head out of town so I had bought some frozen pizzas, coffee, etc to tide him over while we were away. I had the kids make a card that said - We'll miss you & sign it...I signed underneath saying I hope you have a great week. Then I ran back in the house when we were in the car getting ready to go & had it sitting out for him to see when he came home.
When he dropped us off at the airport, he gave me a hug (the first physical contact he has initiated since Feb.) He then sent a text saying he loved the artwork when he arrived home to find the card.
This should tell me that maybe I should do a nice act of service for him, don't tell him & maybe just go out GALing shortly after he arrives home?
Now mind you in MC, he says even though I've changed, he still has no feelings for me. Just wondered if I should do a complete 180 - going dark.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
"I don't think this is the case here bc he seems to love to use MC as a forum to point out ANYTHING that is wrong w/me or what I do."
Fair enough. I was not suggesting that was the case but it could be an option. The finger pointing is a normal part of it. Again if you "distance" yourself from it.. soon they have nothing to point at. These are very hard concepts to explain.
"Is this on your thread? Where could I find it?"
It was usually on other peoples threads where me and Sandi2 ran into each other.
"So would you be saying right now that H was heading one direction & now, because of my changes, he has had to recalculate...and figure out what he is going to do next?"
In the scheme of things I would say you both are recalculating. So yes.. to answer your question.
"This should tell me that maybe I should do a nice act of service for him, don't tell him & maybe just go out GALing shortly after he arrives home?"
On the surface it seems like you both win there.
"Now mind you in MC, he says even though I've changed, he still has no feelings for me. Just wondered if I should do a complete 180 - going dark."
Why would you "react" when you have been told not to listen to everything they say? You never do things because it might be the best thing. You do things cause you know its the right thing to do and you want to do it. No one can fault you for doing something nice.. because you want to. We can fault you for doing something that has not worked in the past. DB says to try it.. for a while and gauge whether it is working or not. You have had success with something. I might suggest you keep trying it till it stops working. Don't flip-flop. Be consistent with what you do. It is easier to tell if it is working that way.
"Can you send me the intersection or address on here? Or will we get in trouble? What time of day & which day is best for you?"
They kinda frowned upon this so be careful. If Mach1 knows J3B he might want to lead you somewhere else. Be careful with what you put out there for the public to see. Remember DB is very public. Just search Google with your user name.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Why would you "react" when you have been told not to listen to everything they say? You never do things because it might be the best thing. You do things cause you know its the right thing to do and you want to do it. No one can fault you for doing something nice.. because you want to. We can fault you for doing something that has not worked in the past. DB says to try it.. for a while and gauge whether it is working or not. You have had success with something. I might suggest you keep trying it till it stops working. Don't flip-flop. Be consistent with what you do. It is easier to tell if it is working that way.
Fair enough - I guess I was just beginning to lose my patience & wanted to jump to a different "technique".
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
I really appreciate your feedback so far. I wondered if you felt like all the advice you give to LBH's applies exactly the same way to LBW's. The thing that makes me ask this is that women want a H they can respect so if they are off living their own life & being independent this falls in line...but if my H feels like I have been too controlling, does this same line of thought apply...or does the "respect/control" issue even come into play...is it more about the wanting something you can't have?
Are there any threads you can point me in the direction of where a LBW got her WAH back?
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
