and when I say that FROM MY POV it sure sounds awfully familiar, it launches this virtual back-and-forth
What were you hoping to accomplish with that? Sounds provocative to me, SP.
I read the article and for the record, I don't want to be lumped into Loh's characterization of a WAS either. Not completely off the mark, she misses more than she hits.
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
What were you hoping to accomplish with that? Sounds provocative to me, SP.
Not anything necessarily. Certainly not "hoping" for anything. Just sitting here sipping coffee. She asks what on its face was a perfectly reasonable question, which one might ask of any adult person with whom one was having a "relationship" of some sort -- equals, whatever -- "What did you think about this given our situation?" You know, wow -- we're talking like normal people do.
And I said, basically, "Well, it sounds pretty familiar."
I don't know that that's an accomplishment task so much as a simple response.
"Attention to detail" moment, I guess. I didn't get that she asked what you thought. Sorry.
That article is a mine field for husbands. The men mentioned in that article are not invited to input. The men reading that article could learn something about Girl World.
"Talking like normal people do"...not yet, Smiley. It takes a while and lot of growing.
What were Mrs. SP's impressions of the Loh article?
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
See, I think it's a good sign that she didn't identify with Loh, although, she may have until you accused her of it, and then...just the opposite. But my point is, if she didn't identify with Loh, who says "it's too much work to choose to love the man I married" (do you think it was an arranged marriage, and therefore not her free choice?), then it says that your wife's values are at least on the right side of the fence. Ah, but she does enjoy a good mental wrassle, too bad she won't do a physical one in the sack.
I think the Greek is rolling her eyes because it sounds like something I would have said. And meant it! You know glady take one for the team. Just for medicinal purposes only.
I am tempted to leave a note in my WAW's purse tonight when she goes out to eat with the neighbor lady, offering this service when she gets home if needed!
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
SP - You still REALLY need to detach and let go...please hon, give it all a rest.
No comprendo.
@Greek:
Quote:
What were Mrs. SP's impressions of the Loh article?
She basically concurs with the sentiment re: the obsolescence of marriage in modern life. She "understands" how the H in that article could be "too much work." She exonerates herself from too-direct a comparison because her "distraction" (as she put it) came rather close to being "officially" post-Bomb, while Loh's seems to have been (and be) on-going and, in any case, Signore Schmuckatelli -- who is again sniffing around -- is referred to in the past tense. She "relates" to the Rachel with the high-paying job and the Mom-Dad H whom she now wishes to D.
But it's not like her. No. Nope. Huh-uh. No way. Not.
@Sara:
Quote:
she didn't identify with Loh, although, she may have until you accused her of it, and then...just the opposite.
Ok how about I put it this way...if you don't stop worrying so much about every breath she takes, every move she makes, and every word she says or writes, you will never get to the point of moving along in your own healing. You will remain stuck in the past, stuck on her, and you will develop an obsession with her and with the topic of divorce. You are already headed that direction.
Several pages back on batchit crazy day, you beseeched one of us to 2x4 you into getting back into your book. I have now given 2x4's to you TWICE on that topic and you have replied to neither.
It's a hard thing to do, but consider no longer giving your wife top billing, the prime real estate in your mind. What makes you happy? What works for you? What gives you satisfaction? Let those bubble up to help bring balance.
When she p*sses you off.. send her blessings, good thoughts. It's a gift you give to yourself. I'd do that during the divorce with ex and I always felt calmer afterwards. It helps short circuit the anger.
These helped me.. find what keeps you in a good place to make good decisions.
And meant it! You know glady take one for the team. Just for medicinal purposes only.