Ash, My weekend was Great! Thank you. Great hikes (the woods are full of answers), met some nice people. Found a small, cute family owned "motel" (12 small immaculate bungalows). On one long hike, I was in for almost six hours. On one I climbed a 2200 ft. mountain to the summit, thinking more than once "I might be a bit out of my league with this one". But I made it! Up and down: four grueling, exhilarating hours! Good for the soul.
Re: my last post on my sitch. My wife did wait until Saturday to open the anniversary/ies card and note. Left me a voicemail when I didn't pick up while hiking: (Sobbing)"I wasn't gonna cry." Continuing to cry throughout: "I'm calling to say thank you for the note. It meant a lot to me to receive it, today of all days. Have a good weekend. Goodbye,"
Emotion. I haven't seen/heard her express emotion like that in several months.
So I called her back about 8 hrs later. "Got your message, didn't want to let this day pass without calling, "Happy Anniversary", etc. She was cool and detached as I expected she would. While her emotional vm wasn't a true connection {or was it?}, she sure enough pulled back after it like Michele says in the DR book. All in all, I feel good about it: I did the right thing, for me, and only because it was the right thing (no agenda, no expectation) and, apparently, I touched her.
Seems to have been quite a lot happening on Newcomers the last two days or so. And some more newbies. I've only caught up with a couple. Will try to do more tomorrow. Early bed for me, tonight.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Okay, I am unashamedly bumping this up to get some feedback on my note to wife on Friday and her vm and subsequent response(s) Saturday (wedding anniversary). I plan to just pull back to DBbusiness-as-usual without reading into this.
Except I do have to email her today to inform her about the passing of a cousin of mine. If she wishes to go to service/funeral she can ask. I'll wing it from there.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Funny you should say that. Foreign Female Friend from my sitch, who's 20+ months into MLC+WAH, says the same thing -- she walked for 3 hours t'other day.
As a City Guy, "wildlife" for me = pigeons and squirrels and "the woods" = that scrawny tree next to the fire hydrant. Taverns. They're full of answers, too. And you don't have to worry about grasshoppers. Or scorpions. Or snakes-in-the-grass. Well, not the "living" kinds anyway!
I think your basic insight -- "DBbusiness-as-usual without reading into this" -- is absolutely where you need to be. You did your thing, sent your note, she returned not-discouraging responses. Cool. Let it ride and see what happens.
The note you wrote, it was great. I don't think anything was wrong with writing it as long as you didn't have any expectations regarding her reaction. As far as her VM, I think she was genuine and probably feels remourse for the entire sitch. But, as we all know, they are not in their "right minds" thus her cool response when you had called back 8 hours later. I'd love to tell you that it's a positive sign but you know we should not read into these things. Encouraging, perhaps. I think you are on the right path with the DBing. Continue to do things for YOU.
I am sorry to hear about your cousin. I think the email notifying her is good but don't invite. Maybe she'll offer to come, maybe she won't.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
It has also been an on-going, two-day exercise in - and gauge of my detaching.
"Oh, boy, that was great! Response! Emotion! Progress!"
"You said what you wanted to say. You know that she responded - and how she responded - Saturday morning and Saturday afternoon. That's all. It indicates nothing. It just is."
Gardener talks to Gardener. A lot.
An M/R book w and I read once had a gem, a nugget, I always remember: "If you can't video/record it, you can't comment on it, it's just projecting/mind-reading, judgement." (paraphrase).
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
And I am outta here in about 30 minutes. The Adirondacks are a'callin (see my latest post on my sitch)...hope I did/wrote the right thing (I did the right thing for me, at least).Would love to know what you think.
Headin' to the mountains and I'm even leaving all my parentheses home, too. So there.
I think the note was sweet and effective. No 2x4's here.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
"No expectations or intentions" is a very valuable catchphrase I learned from a friend here. It helps immensely when dealing with new (and old) situations.
I've slowly learned to listen to the voice within and my bullsh*t meter. It's trial and error with successes one baby step at a time.
