Can it get any worse?

[glamgirl]

It might be better too if h would acknowledge his wrong doing. Instead he denies. It would be like this child looks just like him and he would stand there and say now that's not my child.

I am not sure how the denial thing works for people and how they cannot at least own up to their mistakes.

I am a very honest person and when I make a mistake I own it, confess it and look for a solution. I know that's my way, but when you acknowledge and say your sorry at least the healing can begin.

[glamgirl]

Thanks Snodderly for your kind words. Thanks all for listening and posting it means more to me than you will ever know. I can't talk to my family or friends about this or even my h. This is my only way right now of working through my thoughts and feelings.

I am snobbing and my D5 looks at me with those huge brown eyes and says it's ok mommy. She is such a blessing.

It will be my kids that will help me make it through this.

[glamgirl]

Why couldn't I have just had a wonderful husband that cared enough to not have an affair? Why couldn't he have been one that cared enough about his w and children to not go looking for trouble. I sit and ponder that over and over. Why did my h have to be a cheater?

Right now the moving is the only way out that I see right now. I don't want to be around my h nor do I want to be a part of mopping up this mess he created. I won't be able to get away from him living in this state. I need time to heal.

Does my h not have any feelings or thoughts? How do I talk to my h now? All I see now is pain and disgust when I look at him.

We have kids so I will see him tomorrow and all I want to do is confront him, but I know that will do no good. It will take all I have inside to not fly off the handle with him.

I have a splitting headache again.

[graceallday]

glam-- I would put your self on lock down......

right now its best not to see your H, I would calmly tell him...you need tome to process this...and let him know...u know I think I need a little space right now......your are in the middle of a storm emotionally right now and you need time.....its amazing how different things may seem in time.....really ..now u know the truth..but the truth as always been there..u just need time.....many people still reconcile after a child.....ask God to give you the Grace to get throught this...God's Grace is sufficient.....its all you need....Pray about this....We all ask why couldnt we have a husband who wasnt a cheater.......why why why.....but that will keep u stuck....there is no answer....it is what it is....now what will we do with this....dont take any action yet.......dont call your h if he doesnt show tomorrow and if he does ask him if you guys can have a little break you have alot to process...like time out.....take care

[naej]

Hi Glam, come on sweetie, you have put up with so so much and now this and yes plenty here would like to know why we couldn't have had a partner who would have been content with what they had and not go looking for the greener (or so they thought) grass.
You have no need to run away, go only if it is for the right reasons for you.

This is not DB but why would you care now.Why can you not confront him, show your anger and hurt, why still walk on eggshells for him after all he has done. I don't understand that at all.

He probably wont give you any answers but I am sure you will feel better, keeping it all inside is no good, sobbing in front of your daughter is no good either. He caused this mess let him see your pain.
If you don't want to see him tell him so, heck he,s never been reliable with you.
This is your time to take control of your life what you will and will not put up with any more. Don't follow your H with his rug sweeping tactics.
You need to get this out in the open, he has fathered a poor innocent child, this is who I feel sad for, certainly not your H.
Don't be ashamed Glam, we all make mistakes and you just picked the wrong man. Don't keep thinking of who he was, look at who he is now and who he has been for many years now.
Yes it is hard, but you have suvived so much up til now, find the strength,use your anger in a constuctive way. You have to let it out.

What does son say, I guess he knows,although I think this is son from previous marriage, try to stop wishing if only's, your h may never be that man again.
Take time for you Glam, take charge for you and your children.
I am so sorry it has come to this, but all things happen for a reason so they say. Without this news you could still be hanging on 3 years from now allowing his comings and goings and never getting any answers.
Thinking of you.

[glamgirl]

Naej thank you. It's not about confronting him, but it's that i have great rage inside that all I want to do is climb on top of him and keep punching him until it all comes out. All while sobbing of course. Not a scene I want, but I can't help how I am feeling. Don't want to repeat my past from previos marriage. Not good!

Also I don't want to unleash my anger in front of the kids. Not a good thing. So it's not really about confronting him, it's more about self control. I need to confront him with grace, but that is not possible right now. I am not in a calm rational state at the moment. The sight of him will make me want to puke.

I went to the gym with D5 today and unleashed some of that pent up stress, by exercising. That helped.

I did eat a little this morning, but can't keep much food down. I just feel so sick after I eat. I am sure it is nerves. The good news the fat is dropping on this mlc diet, but not the way I want to get it off.

Well I am a wreck. H said he was coming over today on Thurs, not sure if that will happen. I tried to reach him but no answer and apparently now he has no v-mail.

Naej I did not disclose to s20. He doesn't need to see what a wreck I am. I am trying to be strong, but it's hard. Thanks Grace for posting.

You are all right. i need to let go of the why's. They will do no good, but I guess for me if I knew why then maybe I could understand this. Just maybe it all would make sense.

[Between Tears]

Glamgirl,

Tearing yourself apart, is no way of moving forward. Asking yourself "why me" is not a way of gaining strength. I know this is devastating, however, you do have control over how destructive it will become to you.

Begin to focus on the good things in your life..... Look to the joy in your life, like your Children. They need you to be all that you can be. Seeing you like this will cause them worry, and they don't deserve any more of this than you do.

Let's see if we can find some positives in this situation... Okay, so we have to dig deep sometimes, but there is always a way of turning things around to gain a more positive perspective.

Okay, so now you have the truth, and Lord knows that is something we are always wanting, cause not knowing can drive a person nuts.

She's filing for support, does this mean the relationship is over? Not that it really matters to you now, he may have been speaking some truths to you.

You have beautiful, healthy, vibrant children... and they are with you, what a blessing!

You have everything within you that you need to not only survive this ordeal, AND you will, bringing the Children along with you.

You can do this Glam, stop looking at the past and it's negatives, and start looking for your future and all of it's promises.

[glamgirl]

BT thank you so much. I am trying not to tear myself apart, but reality is staring me in the face.

I did though praise God for revealing the truth to me. As hard as it was to see the truth it finally came out. Not the way I wanted it to, but it came out. I think my h needs to do some talking, but not waiting for him to talk.

Yes the R may be over now, I guess that is a positive. Hard to look at the positives when all I see is destruction.

I will try though. I am panicked today and nervous about the next time I have to see my h. I will need to be silent around him for now. It will be the only way for me to survive.

Thanks for posting.

[peacetoday]

GG
I read read over parts of your thread
im sorry for the lastest development and the pain you are experiencing
you are handling everything well
and after some process time, I beleive you will know what to do
at first , every new and Bad development seems unacceptable, but in time we figure it out
we accept another disappointment
nothing is unforgivable or unfixable
hold on to your faith
you will know what to do later
peace

[brandnewday]

Glam,
I just caught up on your thread.
Honey, I am so so sorry you are going through this.
On Monday can you contact a Lawyer about getting a Legal Separation?
You have to protect yourself and your finances for the sake of your children.
I know you already know this, but for now try to think as this as a business arrangement and nothing more.
Left you a message on FB.

((((hugs))))