am i stubborn, i dont even know what i am anymore.
i know i should let go and move on, that the coming home this time and the store opening and closing should be enough to show me its over now, that this cannot continue.
i know it will never work with us unless this ow is out of the picture completely.
and who knows if that is possible.
yet im still holding on. even when i think im making progress, in the back of my mind, i know i would take him back.
maybe thats ok. maybe we should move on, do our thing, and somehow know and accept we are moving on, but can keep the door slightly open for them.
i just dont know anymore.
everyone thinks im crazy, except my mother-in-law of course!
Hey M,
You are all over the map here.....
I'm thinkin that you should step back and remember what it is that YOU want out of this time....
Cause YOU get to use it too.....to find you....
Move on ?
Really ?
Is that what you want ?
There is a difference in moving on and moving forward, which is what you need to do.
Making progress ?
That is up to you to do...and you can only do that for you, not the Marriage.
You are your responsibility in this.....he is not
You should really lay down some firm boundries about the going back and forth......those are for YOU, not him.
Find a balance for you....
Are you crazy ?
Cause I'm thinkin that YOU are the only one who gets to make that decision.....
Get up, dust yourself off, and get back on that horse....
Go back and really read Trapt's post to you earlier.....the one about Michelle's page.....
We know what we want and are stubborn to give up the fight.
I like it that Mach1 said we should move forward rather than put it as move on.
Moving forward we can leave the door open a crack.
Moving on sounds more like closing and nailing it shut.
Our H's are confused in their wants. It would be healthier for us to cope with this madness by living well and looking forward. Today let's do for us without regard to what they would say or want us to do. They aren't here, right?
I am pondering applying for a second job so I can be busier. It's at our local school district as a facilities secretary 20 hours a week. I am going to do just that. I don't care what H thinks about the idea. I would rather go back to my company, right now that is not an option. H isn't making any steps towards that either. I have a plan......taking action right now.....here I go.....
What are you going to do?
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I agree with Mach1. You have to stop trying to win him back. He should be the one to win you. He sure does not sound like much of a prize - a man that would cheat on his wife with a much more immature woman.
Your H has no consequences. He knows he has you no matter what.
You need to set some firm boundaries and rules. First off, no intimacy or flirting while he is still not committed to the marriage. He also should not be allowed to come and go as he wishes. You need to setup a parenting plan on paper that can be followed.
I can say from experience that when one detaches to the point of not wanting their spouse back, that the wayward spouse will then realize what they are losing. However, dont be so easy to take him back. He needs to be the one to lead and convince you that piecing (the most difficult part) can work.
Show some strength and hold on to your dignity. You cant continue to be played like a woman yoyo - it will damage you emotionally in the long run. Take charge of this situation. It may be time to strike hard legally to protect yourself financially.
im nervous to move forward legally, im trying to not go legal, just busy protecting what is left to protect.
u are right, piecing is the hardest, we have tried it twice and it is truly difficult.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Kissak, maybe my H would not be home like yours. You have made me think real hard about that. A year is a long time. What does he say now to you? Is he engaged in another affair? Do you honestly feel things have bettered between you and H since she walked away? Does he speak more of reconciling now and not divorce?
First let me say that my H said the same as yours all have..."can you say that you honestly have fought for me?"
After the OW dumped my H, she moved on very quickly and remarries a man she barely knew. He says they dont talk much anymore....dont really believe him, but whatever. After she left he mentioned on several occasions of wanting to come home. That he had been thinking about it. We started talking alot more. We are better friends.
But, the OW has recently walked away from her marriage. Ever since, my H has become more distant and I think the 2 are connected...he says there not. He claims that he just doesnt "need" to talk to me as much anymore. He has not mentioned divorce AT ALL. I think he gets scared when he makes a decision one way or the other. SO, if he stays neutral, he feels better...but that leaves us in limbo.
Over the past month he has stopped talking as much...i wonder if he is talking to someone new, he says he is not though. He hasnt had any relationships with anyone else other than the exOW...
Honestly Im glad that she is gone. She broke up my marriage. I would rather him be with anyone else other than her. But like I said, I always thought he would come back if she werent in the pic...but he hasnt. BUT, its only been less than a year since they broke up...so, I dont know.
Sorry for rambling on your thread MDOODLES. I find alot of similarites in all 3 of our sitchs.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
i 100% agree with u - if it was any other woman, i wouldnt feel as bad. its this slime of a girl that must go.
if we truly end of separation/divorced, and he moves on to meet someone else, i dont think it would hurt as much.
this girl is so pushing for marriage, so frustrated, so at the last straw, im curious as to what will happen.
i didnt talk to my husband yesterday, kinda weird. my son called him and they spoke, i didnt bother to get on the phone.
i had nothing to say anyway...
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
