total quarter life mlc

[fisherman]

it is the thrill of winning him back, the thrill of him coming, the thrill of him telling me he wants to come home.

If that ever happens, it will be no picnic. That is when the real work begins. It is much harder than this.

YOU are the prize ....not him.

Anyway did you happen to see my previous post about becoming a fan? No, I'm not crazy, I think you will be pleasantly surprised. That's all I can say for fear of breaking the rules here and getting booted. Someone wants you to become a fan.

[Sanderika]

I wish the OW in my case would blow...up (explode) you know Ka-Boooom!!!! I know she is in this for the long haul. She isn't going anywhere until H forces her to leave. Even then she won't go down w/o a fight.

You at least have some sense that the OW is getting very tired of this charade and is getting ready to push off. IMO this would be the best for everyone, especially H.

Who's to say you can't pack up H's things and move them with you where you go? Nothing says you can't do that. If H isn't fully ready to end the M then don't create the appearance that you want him out.

You have a lot of years of connection ahead of you. Your little boy is 5. Your H seems to be a better Dad than my H. Mine pretty much only qualifies as his father. A Dad is someone completely different. My H needs a huge lesson on being a Dad. I feel so sorry for my son. I would not have had him if I thought his life would be this way. I love him more than life itself and everyday it breaks my heart.

You are right a lot can happen in two months. Let's wait and see what transpires.

I am very lonely tonight, I sent son with FIL for a few days. Son loves to be with him. FIL pays him extra special attention. Today he took him out on the ocean in his boat and they caught a huge striped bass. I think they set him free after the catch which would make my son happy.

I am going to go upstairs and read. I always go to bed early when son isn't here. I can't stand the quiet.

More (((((hugs))))) to you, have a good night. We'll chat tomorrow.

Sanderika

[mdoodles]

trapt, i have had him back, 2 separate times, most recently last month, he had come home and opened a business with me for a fresh start.

he went back to her, the business is now closed and he is unemployed.

but yes, it is no picnic when they actually come back.

it was thrilling to say the least, but after a few days, it was weird. mostly weird because he hadnt allowed time between being with her and being with me.

he needs to end it with her and be on his own for alittle bit in order to return to our marriage the right way.

[mdoodles]

and yes, i do know the ow is extremely tired of this charade. but he still feeds her lies im sure, although im thinking she doesnt believe like she did.

when i spoke to her last month, she was all over the place, not so sold on taking him back, yet still trying to get rid of me.

well, one month has passed, she is no closer to her marriage or my divorce being final, as she told me it was...

[kissak]

My H's OW put up with it for almost 2 years before she called it quits. She found out about me and my H. Well actually she didnt find out we had been intimate, but she suspected it. She didnt trust him. He had broken up with her to come back to me many times, then would leave me and go back to her...when she had finally had enough and called it quits, my H still didnt come back to me. Honestly that hurt too. I had hope that if she was gone, he would come back.

In August it will be a year since their split and he tells me that they hardly ever talk anymore.

[mdoodles]

the ow in my ugly situation has been seeing him for just about 3 years - however, for a good year and half of that, she thought i was totally out of the picture, from what i hear, she thought we were either legally separated or already divorced.

so really, its been about 14 months that she has known more about me, spoken to me and started questioning everything.

i do believe that without her in the picture, he would show up at my door.

does not make it ok, does not make it right.

and honestly, maybe i wouldnt even want him at that point.

but i do know i want her to leave him, i want that fake relationship over.

i have gone through so much with this, like many of you.

but after planning and opening this business, losing our money and my parent's money, the business closing, and him lying his way back to her as his escape, its just not fair.

[Sanderika]

I am so amazed that there are women out there willing to have relationships with married men. Right here we have:

In my case the OW has always known about me = 46+ Months Now.

Kissak's sitch = OW hangs around 23+/- Months.

mdoodles sitch = OW 14-36 Months with a married man.

In the past 46 months I have been approached several times, one of the men was married and I told him I would not have a relationship with him for that fact. His wife didn't deserve to have an OW in her life and it certainly would not be me.

These women cannot be real. I mean they cannot really believe that they can ever have a committed relationship with our H's.
Look at the durations they have stayed and what's changed for them....NOTHING!!!!!

mdoodles, I like you have always believed that if the OW were not in the picture my H would have come home a long time ago. The other woman in your sitch is going to run out of time. Your D won't be final before she is given the boot in the a$$ back to Poland.

Kissak, maybe my H would not be home like yours. You have made me think real hard about that. A year is a long time. What does he say now to you? Is he engaged in another affair? Do you honestly feel things have bettered between you and H since she walked away? Does he speak more of reconciling now and not divorce?

You know there is something that keeps them away. I don't think it is the relationship with us because we seem to get along fine....you and yours and me and mine. It's them....they can't see recommitting with us, the problem lies with them. The MLC still has a huge hold on them. Yes, we see glimpses of hope, let's face it it's far less than we would like and it only keeps us in the limbo that we are all so tired of. It's extremely unfair to ourselves that we allow this to be happening in our lives still.

I know there is an answer to this for us all.....

Maybe we are all living in a dilusional fog ourselves. Maybe we need to really give up the fight once and for all.

I have read here so many times that it's only when we really give up and move on with strength and resolve in a new life we have created just for us is when they come rushing back.

I have yet to challenge this theory. I am way to passive to take a real stand. Maybe it's time I do.....

As of today we have 30 days left of our 6 month D postponement to reconcile this marriage. Keep in mind it was all H's idea. What do you all think he will do in court on July 24th @ 9:30am?

See girls....I got cynical. I hate that.

I will go for now.....

Sanderika

[mdoodles]

u cant let go or give up until u are truly ready to do so. u arent being cynical, u just arent ready to switch gears, even though u may like to be.

i would like to let go, but at the same time, i think of how the time when i did, and it didnt do anything.

my husband even said to me several months ago, where were u when i first left, i didnt see u fighting for me then.

and that sticks with me.

in truth, he doesnt deserve me. doesnt deserve me fighting for him, especially now, after him coming back, leaving his job, opening this business with our family money and now running back to her.

but i think he likes to feel wanted and needed, he likes me to fight for him.

everyone tells me he isnt worth it, that i have to stop.

and i get it, i think we all get it.

but we arent ready to stop. they tell me i will know when im done.

as for the ow, they will know when they are done too. hopefully it is before me.

[Sanderika]

mdoodles, thanks!!

My H actually said the same as yours. I had forgotten about that, OMG!!!

It was back in Nov of 05 after the bomb. We were in our offices and he said that I did nothing after the bomb to make him feel like I wanted him to stay.

I can remember why, it was because the bomb scared me to death and immediately drained me of my confidence and safe secure feelings. I was afraid to be in the same room as him let alone try and change his mind. I was sure that he meant what he said and there was no choice. I never thought he would stay away. I actually thought that we had such a huge bond that he would be back within a few weeks.

I also immediately knew about the OW. He met her on Aug 7th in 05 and I had immediate knowledge thanks to friends. I knew he was leaving me for her. He did deny this though. My friends actually gave me photographs and I still have them. He didn't admit to having a OW until July of 06.

I bucked up and have spent the last let's say 44 months fighting for him. He knows perfectly well what I want. Everyone does.
I have actually lost my entire family because I am standing for my marriage. I have zero contact with them now. They hate H and don't agree with me at all for not having gotten D'd already. H does not know this has all happened. I keep it a secret except here and my girlfriends know.

In the end of Sept. into Oct, of 05 I did a 360. I changed my appearance (hairstyle, wardrobe, makeup, attitude, manners, etc...) I started to make the changes for him. I soon realized that I was making them for me and everyone in my world I loved. I started to get compliments. H noticed immediately. It was the changes I made that has kept the marriage alive. I have maintained my changes and could not go back now. I practiced them until they became me.

He's still with her and not me???? The changes were good but they haven't brought me ultimately what I want. I want my family back, whole and lovingly happy together.

You are right about stopping the fight, we aren't ready. These H's are a part of us and we can't let that part go. Mine means the world to me, he is the love of my life. There can be no other.

Like you, I wish the OW would know they are fighting a losing battle and will just leave. They seem to be as stubborn as we are.

Sanderika

[mdoodles]

am i stubborn, i dont even know what i am anymore.

i know i should let go and move on, that the coming home this time and the store opening and closing should be enough to show me its over now, that this cannot continue.

i know it will never work with us unless this ow is out of the picture completely.

and who knows if that is possible.

yet im still holding on. even when i think im making progress, in the back of my mind, i know i would take him back.

maybe thats ok. maybe we should move on, do our thing, and somehow know and accept we are moving on, but can keep the door slightly open for them.

i just dont know anymore.

everyone thinks im crazy, except my mother-in-law of course!