JCJ, yes he does do some of the stuff around the house, but this goes beyond his duties in the house. He needs to become a man and get a job and help me for one thing, another thing is the way he talks to me. He is very disrespectful to me. When we argue he calls his dad, and his dad tells him to not put him in the middle and to get away from his mom. His dad doesnt stand behind me as far as what I am trying to get son to do, that is the problem I have. NOT that I call his dad for help. Son calls him and that is when is dad makes things worse because he takes sons side. What in the world am I suppose to do in a case like this. IF his dad would stick together with me on some things we could straighten him out. If son lived on his own that is one thing, but he lives under my roof. I also ask his dad to let him come stay with him and he said NO.
Kimmie I really dont know how you took what I wrote. Just because we are divorced doesnt mean my son should EVER disrespect his mother or father. It would be one thing if I CALLED his dad but I didnt, son does this. AND physically I can NOT handle son. My son may be an adult but he still lives off me and he is going to abide by my rules. I am sorry if you think I am wrong.
Renee, I agree with everyone here in the sense that your son is a grown man, there is nothing your XH can do about any of this. I would make this VERY CLEAR TO SON...... If you are going to live here, its my rules, its what I say, if you can't or won't live by them, don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. I think you have to put it to him like that and stick by your guns. Don't call or talk to your XH anymore.
BH my friend did you not read what I wrote. I DID NOT call my xh. My son did and does every time I put my foot down. Yes he is a grown man BUT he lives under my roof. I did say several times what you said above. Does not work. He is stronger than me so there is NO making him, like you said he is a grown man. I did speak to xh while son had him on the phone because son was telling him a bunch of lies and xh was believing him. I ask xh to take son to live with him and he said NO. So now what?
BH I DO NOT expect xh to do anything, but obviously son does. There is no talking to son about xh and I dont try. He takes his dads side and always will. All I said to xh was son was pushing me and putting his finger in my face and he needed to talk to son about respecting me since son called him for advice. xh said "do NOT take sons phone again"lol whatever. This is a joke. xh is acting just like my son. This is why he left, well one of the main reasons...so he could have peace from sons attitude,,,so now he says to US "dont bother me about it, leave me alone"....in other words he could care less what our son says to me or treats me. I dont care if we are divorced. I am the mother of his child. No MAN would ever let their children, no matter how old they are, disrespect their mother. It's just uncalled for. I dont disrespect my parents to this dad, well my mom is deceased.
I don't have time right now to talk. Got to get to work, but I'll respond more later. I can try to understand in a way b/c my GS lived with us when he was that age. He also was spoiled but maybe b/c of different reasons. Anyway, my stand is to use tough love. It will be extremly hard for you b/c of your lack of family and friends and your need for support at this time. However, if you want your son's respect and love now and in the future.....YOU MUST USE TOUGH LOVE NOW. If I were you, he would not live in my home at this time. I would tell him he had this week to find another place to live. Then, if necessary, I would change the locks on the doors. That would be a horrible move to resort to, but whatever it takes to show him that you are boss of that house and HE WILL NOT CONTROL YOU. He may be an adult but that IS YOUR HOUSE. How dare him to treat you that way! I promise that he will not love you less and he will be mad, but in the long run, he will respect you for standing up to him. Anytime a 19 year old tries to get physical.....it is time to make drastic changes. If you don't, rest assured he will take up where his dad left off! You will be under his control and you will be a prisioner. Don't allow this to happen. He will be fine, but he needs pushed out of the nest. It is apparent that he has it made and will do nothing to support himself. Kids his age will play Internet games and lay around every day as long as somebody else foots the bill. You see this right under your roof. He will never support a wife and kids if he doesn't learn to be a man. Mothers have to teach sons how to be a good daddy and husband. It was not so much my H that taught our son......it was me! So, be firm and tell him he has this week to find a place to live b/c you are not going to support his lazy a$$ any longer. He will either get angry or play on your symphathy, but don't cave. He'll get over it! Don't let anything he says to his dad bother you. Expect it. I don't think his dad is to be respected at all and expecially in this area!
Anyway, I'll talk more later. Be determined in your decision and don't falter. Don't let your emotions control your decision. You have nobody that will take care of Renee except "you".
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Renee, Sandi said it all in her post. Parents in today's society must retake control of thier homes, I deal with a lot of this everyday, parents saying they can't do anything with thier kids, well, its not CAN'T, its DON'T WANT TO.
Renee, I have to ask you this question. Why do you insist on talking to your XH? You take any opportunity to talk to him when you know darn good and well that he will not talk to you nor take your side no matter what it is. Its like you are obsessed with trying to get this man to talk to you. Renee, you are only making it worse.
We're on a roll here....I couldn't agree more. LOL! He is grown Renee. If he can't live by your rules and respect you, then it's time for him to get a taste of the real world......
...and no you don't need your xh's help with this one. YOU can handle this. YOUR house YOUR rules. It's that simple.
