Thanks BeingMe. I didn't back down at all. There will be no relocation clause in the agreement, other than saying that both parents would have to agree to any changes in the agreement (duh, of course).
Ah, she says (or, do you have that in writing?) she will give you primary custody, but that can always be re-negotiated as can living outside the area. Everything is up for possible re-negotiation which is why nothing should be relented.
I know, I sound rather hardball, 'eh! But, really I'm a sweet marshmallow. Really!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hey, we posted almost at the same time! Snap! LOL So, my previous post was already answered.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
There was one moment in the mediation meeting that was interesting. I have this way of looking at my W that I think penetrates the fog, at least to some degree. She'll be talking to me, doesn't really matter about what, and I just look at her right in the eyes and get a kind but subtle smile on my face, like I have a secret I'm enjoying by but not willing to share. I stay locked right on. I don't even try to do it, it just happens. Of course the secret is how much I love looking at her.
Anyway, she's talking in the meeting about how we're going to split holidays with the kids, actually very serious and sad stuff, and I notice how beautiful she is, and I click into that look. She's talking to me, and after a few moments she notices the look. When the mediator was distracted for a moment, her face changed, her wall totally came down, she smiled and feigned annoyance, and silently mouthed the words "Stop it" to me. I gave her a look back like "What?" She gave me a cute look that said "You know." Then her wall went back up and she continued her serious talk. It was so cool, just a moment, but for that moment the connection was there.
I don't know where her head is. I can't conceive of her actually leaving our kids. It's impossible! But then again, I lever thought she'd leave me, and I never thought she'd have an A, so what do I know?
Nothing is ever certain, and all we can do is try and live our lives with honesty and honour. But, we all make mistakes, some gigantic and some small.
I wish my H would look at me like that. Sigh!
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Wow, Ive been away for a while?! Im sorry that things are getting a little more stormy for you. That little moment you had sounds great.
It is inconceivable to me that these people can do the things that they do... And that we still want them! I think that often times after the A, people are so ashamed of the way that they behaved that it prevents them from coming back. I know my H eventually overcame that, but I think that its important to remember that the things shes doing are not without consequence for her.
Unfortunately, that doesnt mean that you and your kids dont also have to deal with the flaming wreckage that she leaves.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I think if I had given her that look a lot more over the years, I wouldn't be in this situation, but who knows?
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Wow, Ive been away for a while?! Im sorry that things are getting a little more stormy for you. That little moment you had sounds great.
Thanks for checking in bluerain. Yeah, things are a bit stormy, but maybe it's not a bad thing. I couldn't really take the track we were on. Too much cake eating. That moment was nice. I think I've managed to wiggle my way back into her heart just a little bit.
Today is my ten year anniversary. I knew it was coming up and I was dreading it somewhat, but this morning when I got up, I had forgotten about it, and I was in a great mood. My W then sends me a text telling me she wants me to know that she knows what day it is. Totally caught me by surprise and knocked me for a loop. Took me a couple hours to recover. Why would she send me such a message? Maybe because what I said above really is true. Again, who knows?
I had been working on my plans for this day for the last couple years. She would have been blown away. I sent her a message back that maybe someday I would tell her what I had been planning.
Oh thats tough! Anniversaries are so hard, I just had my 8.5 year one last week, I know half years are no big deal, but as much as I thought about it, I cant imagine how hard a big one like 10 yrs must have been.
I think that even if things get stormy, ending the cake eating one way, or another is a good thing. Too bad that all these "good things" hurt so bad.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
W came by this evening to drop off the kids. I was waiting for her outside, rather than have her come in the house. Just sitting and playing guitar on the front porch though, nice and casual. The kids came running up to see me which was nice. W wanted to tell me that her job prospects are not looking good. Salary negotiations are not leaning at all where she was hoping. I listened, but I wasn't really sympathetic. What am I supposed to do? She rejected my love and support. She's still trying to be very friendly in the face of my increasing distance from her.
I do have one thing that's really bothering me, and I'd like the opinion of others here. I am still providing health insurance for my W under my employer's family plan. I'm not entirely sure why, but the thought of giving her that while she's actively involved in a PA with OM makes me sick. Perhaps it's the thought of her getting some infection or disease from OM, and MY insurance would have to pay to treat her. I'm seriously considering telling her I'm dropping her from my insurance. I'd give her one month notice, as I think she's not going to see OM until late August. She will of course throw a little fit and accuse me of being petty, but I'm tired of just taking everything on the chin. I hate all of this, but that in particular really makes me want to vomit. Why shouldn't I do what would make ME feel better? Besides making me feel emotionally better, it would also save me some serious money each month to drop her. What do you all think?
Why shouldn't I do what would make ME feel better? Besides making me feel emotionally better, it would also save me some serious money each month to drop her. What do you all think?
