The paradigm has shifted but SP, obviously you don't feel safe and are on guard
Ditto my earlier -- it was a rhetorical question, not an inquiring one.
Ya, I didn't say it wasn't appropriate in the context of that conversation...just wonder how it goes down or went down within the R. I mean you will always win with your wit and cleverness.
I mean, does anyone really believe that on the Mon-Tues-Wed-Thurs nites that she's home, alone, eating cold left-over pizza, she's not going to be introspecting? Caricature much?
The real question is, what is SP (SmartyPants) going to be doing?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I really don't want to read any more into it because you do seem to know when to shoot straight and really be there. Seeing as we don't have video, I think it is for you to ponder.
I'm not trying to be cryptic. Sometimes things just stand out and it did so I commented on it.
But I'll take all the advice I can get, and I'll go the whole "fall to the bottom of the well" enchilada when someone can answer this question persuasively:
2 weeks after she moves out, WAW will have custody of the children. How will a devastated, alone, miserable, suffering WAW be good for my children?
Discuss amongst yourselves.
Because based on your descriptions of her, she's a strong, capable woman, and I don't see her being "devasted, miserable and suffering" simply because you don't reassure her every time in conversation she begins to make herself vulnerable and discuss her fears and doubts.
Smiley, I'm not questioning your method. I'm only questioning the degree. I just think that SOMETIMES you should let her remain in her crucible when she expresses her doubts and fears, while still validating her similar to how I suggested it above.
Perhaps. But the other thing is -- I can't say for certain that I want her to come back. Maybe I'll just keep rescuing her until she's gone, and I'm clear.
Perhaps. But the other thing is -- I can't say for certain that I want her to come back. Maybe I'll just keep rescuing her until she's gone, and I'm clear.
Although the other way could be good too. I could drop them off, they could be plopped in front of the television with a box of Froot Loops and a 12-pack of soda pop, while WAW spends 48 hours in her room. Yeah, that'll work.
SP- has it occurred to you that she may need to learn how to be a mom? I think it is the thing that makes her feel the worst about herself (that lack of maternal instinct and proficiency)...and by worst I mean look back at how she has described herself...it is baaaaad.
I think you need to get out of the way and at least give her a chance to figure that out (bonding, parenting)...has to happen with a lot of Hs and I so relate to how threatening it can be when it involves our children.
This issue occurred to me a while back but I sort of let it lie but now that you've expressed so clearly how incapable she is of parenting, I think it is a very real hurdle for both of you.
Ahhh, but I do have (some) control over it. I can help her stay off the bottom of the well. "If you need me to...." will make it easier for her to watch my kids.
Although the other way could be good too. I could drop them off, they could be plopped in front of the television with a box of Froot Loops and a 12-pack of soda pop, while WAW spends 48 hours in her room. Yeah, that'll work.
I mean, does anyone really believe that on the Mon-Tues-Wed-Thurs nites that she's home, alone, eating cold left-over pizza, she's not going to be introspecting? Caricature much?
Are you saying that she won't mother your children? I'm not sure I understand your point here.
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Greek, I think he's saying (to me) that she's going to have PLENTY of time for instrospection when she's alone and without SP.
I stand by my original point, however, and that is -- in these conversations, when she shows real vulnerability about her fears and doubts -- that SP would be better service (and so would Mrs. SP!) if he wouldn't do so much humor/rescuing/softening, and instead went with a "I understand, that must be difficult" vague validation approach.
