it so clear he is a lost soul right now. or maybe in the mlc stage of replay? i dont know.
i feel like he ran back to the ow when our new business wasnt panning out as planned.
i wish i had more time to wait, but really, i dont.
i dont want to give up, it seems he really doesnt either, but the holding pattern is just not ok anymore.
during our on and off holding pattern of now over 2 1/2 years, he has run up so much personal debt and now we are losing our home.
it has been sold, to avoid foreclosure taking it, but we have to move.
and now that he left his high paying job to open the business with me, the business isnt doing well and we are trying to sell it, which we all know may not happen.
i just dont know what to do at the moment. i want to wait for him, that is just who i am, but soon i will be waiting on the curb!
i can look into apts, but right now we arent even making a salary! i have been a stay-at-home mom for almost 6 years, with little part time work at the nursery school.
i know i cant force a decision from him but at the same time, we need to move on.
like his mother says, us two dummies are never really done with eachother.
why cant he see that and leave that ow?
in some ways he sees it, so he hangs on to me, and yet still goes to her.
anything i can do rather than just wait?
i know forcing a r discussion will not be to my benefit.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
havent posted in a while, usually post under infidelity.
please, someone check out my posts there.
to catch my situation up, things between h and me have been ok, on good terms.
he has been nice, following me around the house when he comes, acting as if its still his house.
he has been doing odd, personal things in front of me, that one should only do with his wife.
he has been flirting, touching me and we have been intimate.
so today, i get a letter from my lawyer, giving me a copy of the letter from h's lawyer, wanting to make a settlement!
i was so shocked!
if he wants to split so badly, why is he so all over me?
is this part of the mlc?
how to proceed? keep acting nice and friendly?
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Hi I dont think that is part of the MLC script I never experienced any physical intimacy with my XH after bomb I know some here have does your H have OW? Maybe consider a few coaching sessions to get clarity on this or maybe others will chime in it is so hard to figure them out it would make sense if he is flirting( is this new behavior) that he may be seeing where he stands or maybe he just wants to know youe are still There? waiting? peace hopefully more will be revealed
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
yes, there is a ow, a nasty one at that! if u check my other thread, u can see the ugly history i have had with her.
she doesnt seem to think she is the mistress. and she wants to marry him.
he has lied to both of us for almost 3 years.
he has left home and come back 2 separate times, most recently a few weeks ago, AFTER he came home and opened a business with me, as a way to start fresh.
he left his high paying job and area where she lived to come home.
and now this.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
oh, and our intimate contact is not new, flirting behavior not new. at all.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I dont have enough experience to help you with this some posters have had H who return and leave again multiple times so he is home now? is he willing to sek counsling with you that may help- maybe try in piecing? keep posting others will reply peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
he is not home now, he left a few weeks ago, went back to the ow...oh, how angry i am!
he had left her, he had said during this past year that he was done with her, he came back home a few months ago and we opened a business.
he was all gung ho for this business, researching it and finding it and being excited about it.
well, now the business is closed. it was doing well and of course, he went back to her. didt surprise me the business wasnt going well and then we all of a sudden arent doing well, and he goes to her.
im so upset, so in shock (somewhat) with the way he has been acting, knowing he met with his lawyer and i would be hearing from mine.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
m, Some of them go through what Sting and I use to call the "sexathon". This happened in between leavings. It's almost like they can't get enough attention or the hormones are raging and they have no control over it. It sounds like your h is experiencing a bit of that "posturing" nonsense. It's all about the hormones right now.
Then again, the old saying around here is that they act all so sweet, innocent and nicey, nicey and they slam dunk you w/something awful. Your h could be in this category.
What I do suggest is this...keep your guard up, I don't particularly care for his behavior and something is driving it big time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
by the way, i see a typo in my post above - the business was NOY doing well. big error on my part.
thanks snodderly. one thing about my h, as my ic has said over and over and a friend/pyschologist has said - he does not follow anything patterns, anything rational, anything predictable.
i do need to keep my guard up, but its hard to do, even with my best intentions.
what i have to do is not even think about him, his thinking, his behavior and move on. i know that is what i have to do.
but since he is always so ambivalent, i tend to hold out hope in the back of my head for my happily ever after.
the letter from the attorney is rather interesting, even my ic was shocked that it was sent to me with him still acting so ambivalent. oh well.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
When emotions are driving their lives, nothing is rational. That's why it's important to keep your eye on your finances, etc. He really does sound like he's bouncing all over the place.
I know that my xh exhibited some of what you described. The sexathon went on for about 8 weeks and it was every waking minute that he wanted sex or flirting, etc. I think it's the hormones raging and the thought of death. They do think that they are dying at some point because of the way they feel. It's just so crazy and you know what? There's nothing you can do about them, how they are behaving and feeling. All you can do is protect yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
