Just glancing through my own thread and noticed I didn't respond. Sorry. I'm new. My biggest and most unlike me 180 was detaching/not initiating anything for 3 weeks. I'm with you on the ring, still off, I agree. I didn't respond to your "And W is still seeing MC because...?" because I thought it was rhetorical, like, "Hello??, twooo plus twooo equaaals....?"
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Chauncey: Smiley’s Person in the hizzie to pay off some debts.
After she asked for D, I removed my wedding band the next day (she hasn't).
Mine took hers off first. I figured, sauce for the goose, sauce of the gander. I’m actually glad I did. For me, the bare finger is a symbol of The Way Forward. It’s not that I don’t value the marital vows. The bare finger reminds me that I do, despite the loss of the marriage to which the vows were directed.
W's b'day is in couple of weeks, our anniversary shortly thereafter. What if anything should I do (gift, acknowledge, ignore)?
I Happy Birthday’d. The kids got cards and the “kids” (i.e., me in loco kidentis) bought her a gift. Same thing on Mother’s Day; same thing (in reverse) that I expect will happen on Father’s Day. Anniversary is in November. I suspect we’ll talk. But then November is a million miles away. I’ve got 50-meter targets that want attention.
W mentioned getting a mediator once at last MC meeting (3 weeks ago). No mention, no movement at all (that I'm aware of) since.
Done is done, so she’s not done. Medium-rare, maybe. Time is an ally. Let it work its mojo.
2nd hand reports... that W is very, very confused, doesn't know what to do.
‘Twas ever thus.
I let the day go downhill from there... Vegged out. Didn't mope, didn't obsess, just...nothing.
Good! You don’t owe the day anything. ------- @KimmieLee is pressing hard on this MC character. You read in the DR book a number of objections to “real” marriage counselors, one of the principal ones being that a goodly number seem not all that interested in M.
Now if I wanted to mind-read @Kimmie a bit, I’d suggest she thinks MC is also WAW’s OM. (Love those abbreviations, Pigpen, this here’s the Rubber Duck, 10-4). Could be. Or it could also be that WAW likes going to this yardbird because he’s validating her own decision-process, perhaps even reinforcing it. "Ohhh, you’re right MC, I never thought about that."
But you can’t stop that from happening. You can do what you do. The answers to all your questions start and end with you. Everything else is just noise.
You can do this Gardner. The bill....you are right, it will just look like more mystery. You don't have to worry about it. She'll wonder and she'll ask or she won't. You don't have to tell her exactly what it was, you can be truthful and say it was phone call related to doing something to help improve you and yourself for yourself. And that's very very true. Hold tight, listen to your coach. You are rocking this out!
SP, I hear ya, on the same page, thanks. Thanks, especially for the "so what?" slant on the total vegging out day (I thought, "Yeah. What he said.").
Kimmie Lee got me thinkin' in a bad place re: MC as OM. I've since released it. Did bring it up to telecoach last night, though. She said "You still don't completely know what W's problem is. If there is/ever is an OM, that will not become the problem. It'll just be another symptom," (Dottie rocks).
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I knew W was coming over this morning to drop something off. Always comes in through garage, room off garage is small exercise room so I didn't straighten anything up after exercising this morning. Let her know I'm doing it, dammit. She had her new dog, I gave new dog a toy I bought last night (telecoach's idea), left out on counter this book I came across and bought: A Year By The Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman (a sort of MLC/WAW sabbatical journey-of-discovery tome) by Joan Anderson so she'll see that I'm tryin' to figure out where her head could be at, if not actually at. I was at the table eating breakfast w/DIL & GS and reading my fifth novel this month ("Why do you never read fiction, anymore?", W would often ask). I didn't notice if she was ring/no ring. Didn't think of it. Didn't care. I was positive, cheerful, chatty. And she was at ease for a change, so I stayed around, doin' my morning things rather than make myself scarce.
I got home from work about 15 minutes before W was due back to pick up her dog, so I told DIL I was going to visit friend in hospital (true), and then going to a meeting of the hiking club I recently joined (not true) and I split. About a mile from house, I see her car stopped at red light at the same intersection, my light turns green, I know she can see me too, and I drove by, eyes front, smiling and belting one out along with the radio.
Some days it just all comes together (not many, but some. Okay...today)
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Yes, this board is a real life saver for sure. It's great to vent and to get advice and to learn. Learn from everyone else, what worked and esp. what didn't!
