Sorry I'm late- CONGRATULATIONS on the pass. That's fantastic news! What next now that the degree is over?
I'm really pleased that BF is moving more and more towards you- how exciting that he's moving back in. I know there's all the stuff about being careful and watching detachment and space. But it's also so COOL! I'm really happy for you!
Thanks girls for the congratulations !! Mish its just nice that you are happy for me. I keep posting, I want to keep up with others and also say things that may help, if I can! And yes Lisa.. it is VERY cool !!!
Kat, I do feel pretty calm and grounded these days and alot back to my old self..I do feel as though alot of my questions have been answered or that things are sooo back to normal (but better!) that it doesnt even matter anymore. We are getting a takeway from a top restaurant tonight.. I suggested a cheaper place near to his old flat and he said no, it was awful there..which made me think, he probably went there with Helen.. but so what? His head is probs full of bad memories and he shudders at the thought of her!!
But in terms of answers.. I am still curious as to how HE feels about her and why he dated her instead of came back to me last summer.. or even, if he really did fancy her before he left me. Its highly suspicious that he never mentioned he was working with her in June 2007 and was ringing her on his mobile when he went out for walks Aug-Oct.. so, just to draw a line under it, I would like him to respect me and my intuition enough to just admit that to me!! I just want to know, if she was a catalyst for him leaving, and then I will let it go as I'm pretty good at letting stuff go! At least I know, 100%, its over for good. Phew!
He hugged and kissed me last night in support of our dear cat that died the week before the bomb and this is the FIRST time he has mentioned it since he died in Oct 07. But more wierdly, I have a cold or hayfever, but havent mentioned it to him, just sniff alot.. Last night he was talking about his phonecalls with friends then suddenly said.. oh sorry, I havent even asked how you are today!..how are you? are you ok? and.. h you have a cold, are you alright?? He kept on all evening, fussing, eventhough I said I was fine, but he was super concerned and insisted on fetching me tissues etc.. But I had told him at our big talk Sunday that I had depression and was bad Aug - Feb, but had been ok since March and I was only telling him so that he knew that I understand now what its like for him having depression, and NOT to make him feel guilty. He was upset and I am feeling he is more and more aware of just how much he abandoned and hurt me and the effect it had and wants to make up for it by being super caring and helpful all the time.
SO wierd, what wierd tunnel do they go down when they leave? Its like they are incapable of being honest, or voicing real emotions, or showing concern and yet, once they are back.. the floodgates open.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I wonder if in his mind the cat just died. You know, even though it happened 20 months ago, the impact of it is just now hitting him because he was so stuck in his head all this time.
Just a thought.....
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I agree this all seems like a drop in the bucket of time to him. An eternity to you. The reality lies somewhere in the middle. I am so glad you hung in there and believed your intuition. I am crossing my fingers that my situation works out at least half as well as yours. Hugs.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I just got back from my niece's wedding in Georgia, so I'm now all caught up w/you.
First off, very big congratulations to you for your work w/your degree. That must feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted from your shoulders. Good for you!
Also, good news on BF's opening up a bit and wanting to come back in. That is great, but I will caution you like the others have that you'll still need to be very careful, slow and cautious w/him.
Remember, it didn't break overnight and it won't repair overnight either.
As for his "talking" he may or may not ever be able to verbalize what you want him to, so you'll need to decide in time if that will be good enough for you to move forward. He doesn't sound like much of an outward talker about his feelings and if he's not going to continue his IC, he may be more inclined to keep his "guilt" inside and try and "show" you he's sorry rather than telling you or giving you "details."
Then again, you may decide you really don't want to know b/c you may not be able to live with what he tells you.
Again, this will all unravel in time, but make sure for now, you are taking your time as you rebuild your R.
I'm also pleased he's realized he needs to be back on his meds, so that too should really help him...once they kick in in 4-6 weeks, that is.
You sound good and things seem to be starting well for you this summer. Good for you, princess! Keep it up! RTL
Interesting idea that its like time stood still for him. I guess he was very depressed and desperate and I was thinking these past few days, he seems SOOO differnet, his old self again and everything is so fine between us, its like.. did it really happen, or did I dream all of this !!??? Its very bizarre.
Thanks ROb, Kat and Mish, so nice to be able to post a happy ending here but I continue to realise how lucky and blessed I am. I dont really feel the need to take it slow or be careful or any of those things either Rob, its just so ok between us, no awkwardness, no holding back, no frowns, cross words, atmospoheres, nothing! Just lots of cuddles and kisses and enjoying being together.. like a feeling of immense relief on both sides is how I would describe it.
He continues to be aware of me being careful.. like I try and make him decide on things and he says, No, YOU decide! Or I apologise here and there and hesays "Please, DONT apologise anymore".. so he is not stupid and any last traces of dbing in my demeanour are obvious to him.. I think he wants me to relax and not worry anymore and on the whole, I'm not worried !!
I always said, it felt like a "life interrupted" and now its normal again (but I would say, better). I looked at him yesterday and thought.. wow, we made it, we really made it. xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I'm so glad to see things are going well for you and BF, Princess. You are one of us who has made it back from the oblivion.
Now all you have to do is rebuild and start anew!
You replied to me w/the following and on one hand I'm THRILLED for you, but on the other hand I'm a bit nervous. Here is what you wrote:
Quote:
I dont really feel the need to take it slow or be careful or any of those things either Rob, its just so ok between us, no awkwardness, no holding back, no frowns, cross words, atmospoheres, nothing! Just lots of cuddles and kisses and enjoying being together.. like a feeling of immense relief on both sides is how I would describe it.
Why does this make me nervous? Because I'm scared there may be some denial here. You also posted that you have so many questions about his involvemnet w/Helen that still bother you.
I guess that is why I'm ocncerned b/c you're saying things are back to "normal" or at least "feeling normal." Well, normal is still broken, isn't it?
I'm preaching caution here b/c BF still has miles and miles to go to clean up his own messy garage, while you did some soul searching in his absence.
I don't want to be a downer here, which is why I've put off posting this for several days now, but I'm fearful that you are so excited to be back w/him that you may be overlooking some real, definite issues that still linger.
Again, only posting b/c I care. If I'm off base, then so be it as I've been wrong many times before ...just ask my XW...and she'll lay out an entire laundry list of my being wrong, I'm sure.
I can only speculate how wonderful it must be to have him "back" after what you went through as that was/is the goal of so many of us here. However, I'm just playing a bit of the Devil's advocate here.
Like everything, I write w/the best of intentions and take what you can use and delete the rest, Princess.
Kidding of course!