Could use some insight...long...

[Startingover2]

I hope you are one of the success stories on here! We need a few more of those.

So what is your plan now???

[volleydog]

No idea ...That's my goal between today and tomorrow is come up with a plan...

[Startingover2]

Well, we will be your biggest cheerleaders here with our pom-poms!!

[kassie]

Now you are making sense! We are right behind you to support and cheer! Hoping for the best! Let us know what you need.

[kassie]

Thanks for your post - I wish so much that your sitch would turn out the same.

[kassie]

Couldn't sleep so I wanted to share some thoughts with you too.

I was thinking about myself when I came to this site. I quickly adopted the going dark thing. It was hard because H and I work at the same place. I would see him everyday. Be polite, listen, and that was it. He would call, I would do the same but never engaged in convo or shared my info. After a time I began to wonder how we were supposed to figure out how to work things out if we weren't talking or spending time together.

So I would test the waters, and retreat. Over again and again. Mostly because when I would engage with him, the strategies used made some difference, but ultimately I would feel hurt that things remained mostly the same. It was the same off and on for awhile. Dark, engaging, dark, engaging, no progress. I felt in limbo land and didn't like it.

All the time, I kept wondering how this was helping or not. At one point I finally reached the conclusion that it was either A)going to work or B) not work. So I took one more try, and you know the rest so far. I realized as others do here, withdrawal and giving space helps us to a point, and then we are supposed to move forward. Many get stuck in limbo and R suffer and die for lack of movement forward.

I think most don't realize that while we are disengaged or detached, we are to work on ourselves and learn how to do things differently so we can have a different R - hopefully one that works for both. It is real work and real change. Limbo land by itself accomplishes nothing except to tell the other we just don't care or don't know what to do so we will do nothing.

So, go to it. Engage with your W, start your engine and move forward in a positive direction. We are here to support you.

[volleydog]

So my first attempt at doing something different, not so successful. Was telling her about a movie I watched (Gran Torino, awesome movie)just telling how good it was and thought she would like it. She said she's been thinking about renting it but wasn't sure it was for her. Told her you need to and when you do I'd like to watch it again so invite me over...No reaction kids were talking in the background...Later in convo I say remember to invite me if you watch said movie...Well if I do it would be this weekend...Me, oh and I have the kids...In other words NO to watching movie together...Strike 1.

[Startingover2]

Well..maybe she meant to bring the kids over to watch it?

Give it a few more trys.

[volleydog]

Well..maybe she meant to bring the kids over to watch it?

No that wasn't it. I would rather she just so no or I don't think it's a good idea whatever not just avoid it. So next time I'm going to confront her a little and ask her if its no or because of the kids or whatever. Force her to give me a straight answer.

[kassie]

Are you sure about your interpretation? I guess so because you said so. Sorry if it is a no. Better to know now.

I just thought that you may have caught her off guard. Then, my first reaction to any plans for a weekend is to consider first who's weekend it is... then I figure things out? Still getting used to not having to do that...kids are mostly on their own schedule. exh and H both interpreted my reaction as a problem - it wasn't, I just needed to orient myself. Didn't mean anything. But you know your W.