I may have answered my own question, regardless of the gender theorizing.
Would that next step simply be "here's your coat, watch the door on your way out"
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
@traveldane: Honestly I don't know (in terms of how it would work in reverse). The next step if WAW said, "Hey -- that's all good, thanks" would be "Okay, have a nice!" And I'd keep on rolling the way I roll. DB to some point of diminishing returns and then carry on.
Perhaps you could just say..."picture me rolling".
Anyway, my speculating with a the male female stuff doesn't really matter. Got me thinking is all. What matters is that you guys are connecting and I think you're doing an awesome job.
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
Had a little family birthday celebration for WAW. Cake, candles, cards (even one from me).
She took a big step and returned a ring I gave her early in our courtship, that my father had given my mother. It was sweet of her to think of. Oooooohhh, but what does it mean?
It means she's divorcing me, duh. But then I already knew that.
But tonight, this night, we're getting along; we laughed; it was good. Tomorrow we'll get along again. Or we won't. But we won't know until tomorrow.
Man you're so good. I cried at the ring part...but if I were you I'd keep it handy.
Just keep doing what you're doing. (im losing it on mine)
OrangeDog
And as a side note, I would personally keep the Vangelis in the Picture (described in your email). Chariots and Blade Runner owe a lot to his tracks.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Okay, I guess you've scored one there on the whole Vangelis controversy.
Kind of a plateau day, to borrow from @Thinker's post over at @alive's house on peaks 'n' valleys. But the plateau isn't a bad place to be, necessarily. I'm not "actively" DB'ing today; WAW isn't "actively" WAW'ing today.
It's led me to think that in some respects we LBS are too dam active -- always doing this that 'n't'other. Gotta GAL! Gotta 180! Gotta validate! Gotta change! Gotta listen! Gotta hear! Gotta not-push! Gotta As If! Gotta read Schnarch! Gotta read Codependent! Gotta read MWD! Gotta read Love Languages! Gotta read N.U.T.S.! Gotta this! Gotta that! (Gotta go potty!)
I'm thinking that from time-to-time maybe we could consider adding "Gotta Chill!" to the DB'ers kit-bag. The Walkaway isn't scheming constantly. I mean, they do have jobs and stuff. Perhaps one (unspoken?) commandment to DB'ing successfully, whether one "saves" the marriage or "merely" saves her/himself, is (or should be) Left-Behind, Pace Thyself.
Why, just Sunday night I posted, bemoaning my totally vegged out, non-moping, got-absolutely-nothing-accomplished day and a coupla days later someone replied with just what I needed to hear, telling me "Good. You don't owe the day anything.".
Hey, wait a minute. That was you. Your own sage advice is catching up with you.
Anyway, after you validated my do-nothing Sunday, I reviewd it and decided that Sundays are now Me Days. Then I thought, no, Sunday is now NotMeDay: WAW? Not Me Marital crisis? Not Me. Lonely? Not Me. DBing? Not Me. Books to read? Not ME Plans? Not Me. All these strategies, as-iffing, detaching, GALing (well,maybe not GALing) 180, etc., etc.? Not Me. Won't even read the forum or post on NotMeDay!! (well, maybe getting carried a way a bit on that one). Gonna push it all out of my every waking hour for just ONE day of the week.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
