Don't get mad... but I am wondering if there is more you can do like try to sweep her off her feet? Or am I reaching here? I don't want to pretend that I know more than you do - it is your life and and R - you know best. My point has been that I keep hearing you on the fence and if it were me - I would react in kind. My H has come for me over and over again almost to his embarrassment, but at least I know how he feels about me and the M. While I wasn't taking a leap at how he feels and believing all will be fine - I knew that he wanted me and the M sober. The rest we have had to work on. He knew that I was shy about trying but was willing to deal with that, he wins me over again by his constant trying.
But I admit that I am always looking for the best in everyone and every sitch. Sometimes I am right and sometimes I am not. What do you have to lose by trying to the point of embarrassing yourself? Most men wouldn't go that far - and it doesn't always work- only you know how far you can take things. I am hoping for the best for everyone involved.
You have been a great support and help. I really do appreciate your effort and time.
My H started out just asking me to meet him for coffee a few times. He would eventually ask about dating. I suggested spending some time doing active things we both could enjoy - like a picnic, a movie, dinner. He would call during the week just to say hi and casual talk about the week. Then spent some family time together. He always tested the waters for a kiss or hug.
What got to me -was his persistance in pursuing me, his sharing with me the changes he was going through, share the support he was getting and new info learned. He was open with me, I could hear the changes in his thought process. I gradually knew that things would be the same because his thinking was changing.
I have to admit that I was really checking out of the M at the time. When initial attempts to engage failed, I felt our fate was sealed, but at some point things shifted. I felt the difference in his talk, manner, way of doing things. Has been consistent. I wasn't convinced easily. I thought I would be stupid to trust him again. He changed my mind with his talk, his and his behavior. He really has no shame when it comes to me. I have seen his ego get in the way with everything else in his life except me - sometimes yes, but mostly no. I think it is hard to be that open with someone - but he has always been that way with me. It lets me know that we are bonded positively.
I have ordered it and looked it over. Pretty good stuff if you can apply it in the right situation. Coffee was one of the things he talks about as well as being able to test the waters.
He may not have. But it just sounds familiar. It might be worth you looking at VD.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
About the Magic of Making Up stuff, it's exactly the same as DB. The difference is that they recommend going dark for 1 month (at least) and then calling up the partner for coffee to "re-connect".
So like DB says, go dark, GAL and then if you're up to it, re-connect with W. In your case, I would stick with the GAL and not have as much contact with the W as possible. Live your life first then see if the W wants to be a part of it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I think that stuck has a point. I believe that if you push too hard on your W she may run the other way. You said that when you do bring up R she may feel pressured and want immediate D. Like he said...live your life and see what the W wants to do.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Looks like you have options. I wish you the best in sorting out what you want to do. Have a great day! One thing on my mind that I didn't mention and recall from your earlier posts - prayer.
Thanks for the input...I do think I'm at the point were the not pursuing part of DBing probably needs to take a backseat. If pursuing doesn't work and it pushes her faster I really haven't lost anything but a little bit of time.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
