Sandi I could NEVER be upset with you. I hope you dont think I am, you are being so nice to take time to try and help me through a difficult time. Before I contacted you I actually was going to take a break from these boards because I was afraid I was letting them give me too much hope and holding me back from moving forward, but then I was reading one of your posts and thought maybe I should talk to you first, and I am glad I did. You already have helped me more than you know. Sandi, yes it's only been 6 months since I was divorced and only 8 months since he left, but I feel like I am not moving quick enough. I want to be over this already, but 20 years is a long time...I cant seem to get past that I lived with this man for 20 years and feel like I didnt even know him. I feel like my whole marriage has been a lie, and that hurts more than anything. That along with his anger toward me and him saying he wanted to pretend like I was dead to him. I could take the divorce, but I am the mother of his child and he owes me respect for that in itself. I dont know if you read, but I really did some pretty stupid things in the beginning, such as begging him to come home and begging him to just see me on lunch. BUT the worse thing I did was stalk him. Yes I would try to catch him and see who he had at his house and try to talk to that girl. I did this with one girl in particular and he really wanted to date her but when she talked to me she dumped him. That is when I was trying to do things myself instead of letting go and letting GOD. I would never do that now. Thats why I tried to people here that I have moved on, I am not doing CRAZY stuff like that anymore.lol I know that is why my xh doesnt trust me and I would like to win his trust back. But I do think this gf is telling him not to talk to me also, I could be wrong. I wont go into all that. Anyway I do appreciate all that you are doing. I am not the best to post about stuff so maybe everyone didnt realize that I was trying to GAL. I know I have made Snodderly upset with me, I know she got tired of telling me the same thing over and over. She wont even post to me now. I really respected what she had to say and I hope she isnt too upset with me. I was reading what you posted about one poster wanting to know about MLC or WAS. Sandi, does it matter how we respond to them if they are just WAS? This is one of the things I have wondered. I know my xh walked away, but I also believe he is in a MLC. Either way, like you said, he is gone. For how long, only GOD knows. Like I said I pray for my family daily or try to. I also pray for people here.
I also wanted to ask you Sandi about your stitch. Were you a LBS or did you walk away? Are you and your h back together and how long were you apart? I would love to read about your stitch. It seems you know so much. Snodderly has also been here a long time, I think at least 9 years. I have heard that alot of xh's, h's wake up after the LBS has moved on. I had heard that alot before I even come here. I dont know what will happen with my stitch but I am trying to move on with my life regardless, I really have no choice. I do love GOD with all my heart and trust him with my life. With that said, I will go for now and talk to you later.
HUGS, Renee
P.S. Snodderly if you read this I hope you will post to me again. I know you are only trying to help me. And I thank you for that.
I'm so relieved that you found my post and replied before I went to bed tonight. I just had a feeling that you may leave the board and I wanted a chance to speak to you again. So, I hope you will stay on longer, but if it seems to make you feel negative or whatever, then you don't want to stay if it hurts you. Just try not to take all those nasty things he said to you and believe them b/c we are not believe any of that junk they say. They are just lashing out and don't mean any of it. It is doing you harm to remember it so try to let that roll off and get rid of it for your sake. Have you ever thought of getting a punching bag and hanging up somewhere and when you get upset or stressed or depressed.....just going out there and punching that bag until you were exhausted? You might be surprised how much it would help.
I have been trying to post my first post here but for some reason it won't do it. I have done this many times so I'll keep trying.
Renee I have tried to catch up with your stitch so forgive me if I repeat what others have said. This is all so very new for you. On the one hand you seem anxious to move on but on the other you are stuck. That is so normal. That was so me. It will take time and lots of it. Also it is what you do with that time. I wanted my h back also and I stood for four years. I knew it was time to move on but I was stubborn. I put up with a lot from my h. But I was determined. Anyway, I decided to really change my life and move forward. I am still healing. I have moved on and I did so without ever dating. I wanted to become a whole complete person myself. One important step is to figure out what you did wrong in the m and to work on yourself. Work on things to make your self whole again. Work on yourself inside and out.
I still miss my family but I do not miss my h. He is still so immature and I could not live with the person he is and will probably always will be. So in that way I am grateful that I have my freedom.
Do not rush your recovery but take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Also take time to grieve. Your old m is dead. Don't rush the greiving and healing process.
Then take time to GAL. It is difficult at first but it gets easier with time.
Mermaid I am anxious one min and not the next. Yes I get stuck. I cant imagine ever loving another man the way I loved my husband. I cant imagine ever living with another man. I dont want to, I want my husband back! I get so wound up sometimes. Some days I think I can do this, I dont need a man, especially one that is like my xh is now. Then some days I pray so hard for GOD to give us another chance. I can tell you one thing, I dont want the man back that he is right now. I have grown so much. I am so much braver than I ever thought I was, my xh that used to be, would be so proud of me. It's so sad because he doesnt see how I've changed. I got to the point I would not go anywhere outside my comfort zone (which would be around town)by myself. I def. would not go on a vaction with friends or anywhere like that without my husband and/or son. I was so attached to him it was pathetic. Then when he would go on vacation with buddies I would think how lucky he was. I didnt want him to stay over 2 weeks and I missed him so much as did he me. BUT NOW, I would not mind if he stayed a month as long as he came home to me. It is so funny how we take things for granted. The little things we take for granted in our marriage that we never even realized. Oh, what I would give just to hear him coming through the door after work and yelling "I am home mom". I miss that so much. Sorry guys just going down memory lane. I know I am not suppose to dwell on my xh, but in order to move on I have to learn what I DID WRONG and part of that will include my xh. I wasnt a really a clingly wife, at least I thought I wasnt. I never complained about him fishing as much as he did. I enjoyed listening to him talk to the guys on the phone while I fixed supper. It made me happy for him to be happy. When he said he wanted different companionship, to me that was saying "hey I am bored and want to try something new". And he did, he gave up his family, took a chance on being happier. He is loving his new life, as far as I know. He is enjoying this new found love and romance, so much so that he spends every min. that he is not working with her. Sometimes I try to put myself in these MLCers shoes and try and think how exciting it would be to be young again and find new love, but that has to get old at same point, at some point it isnt new love anymore. Just like a new hobby that grows old. Even when going on a vacation, at first it is soooo exciting and new but after awhile you get to missing home and get homesick. I dont know that is just my opinion on it. Is it normal to, one day want someone in your life and the next you are thinking you dont ever want to be married again and can live content by yourself the rest of your life????? I am so confused, i am stuck between moving on with someone else, if I ever get that chance or just NOT, just living my life alone. I have always been one to look toward the future and plan things. I worry about tomorrow before tomorrow gets here. I know, that is not a good idea and I would love to change.
Can someone please tell me why I am still hung up on a man that doesnt want me??????????? What is wrong with me!!! Sandi, I def. need that punching bag.
Can someone please tell me why I am still hung up on a man that doesnt want me??????????? What is wrong with me!!! ......
If you ever figure this one out, Renee, be sure and share it with me (and a bunch of others here too!!)
You and I have a LOT in common, Renee. I am a very emotional person and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve (and I've frustrated the life out of Snodderly myself I know!!).
Hang in there, Renee. I think some things just take time.
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
SC and Renee, Never, ever assume what others are thinking....that gets you into trouble and barking up the wrong tree.
Be thankful I've not had anything to add to the excellent postings that both of you have received.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
