She text me tonite to say she running a fever and doesn't think that she'll make it to work tomorrow.
I called her to ask how she was doing. She went on for a bit of how miserable and tired she was. We chit chatted back and forth about each other's day. It was a pretty light conversation with some joking back and forth.
Then she asked if I hadn't anything planned tomorrow nite, would I be able to pick up the boys if needed. I told her that there wasn't anything that was so important that I couldn't reschedule. She then asked if I was sure as she said that she felt bad about Sat how I missed leaving for the race as planned because I helped her. She said that the boys could have been upset. I told her that the boys need to know what is important, we can go to other races, but if family needs help, that is the priority. I told her that it worked out fine anyway.
So I told her that I will plan on picking them up as it would be easier than trying to reschedule at the last minute. She said that seemed like a good plan then.
She then started to yawn so I took that opportunity/cue to say taht she sounded tired so I was going to let her go to sleep and wished her the best in feeling better.
She called me back a few minutes later with some tactical stuff relative to camp. I thanked her for the info and said goodnite.
So it looks like I may get another day with the boys. Again, I don't want to get my hopes up. If I do great, if not, I'll just go to the gym (which I hadn't been to in a week).
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
You're doing a great job at staying detached. When you're around her, do you try looking your best, etc? Let her miss you for the "right" reasons. Not because she's looking at you to blame for her insecurities.
Thanks for your comments on my post. I've got some heavy hitters going through my sitch and am glad for everyone of theirs and your postings.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Well, I see a lot of post about me suggesting that you go dark.
Some said I told you to go dark and some don't know. I was trying to explain to you what going dark was! You were the one that did not understand the difference between going dark, dropping the rope, and being detached meant. So, I see how I need to work on my writing skills.
It has to be up to the individual as to which route to take, but I have maintained that when you are co-parenting, it is almost impossible to go "dark"......and then some poster started with this mess of dim/dark and it just confused the heck out of people on the board. Guess it is my pet peeve but that is the way I see it. I don't remember ever actually coming out and telling a poster to go dark when he/she was having to co-parent. I have told them to drop the rope, but that is a totally different concept.
As being newly separated, you were not dealing with it at all well and was soooo hung up on what "dark" meant and the difference in that from dropping the rope. I was merely trying to explain the difference.
Quote:
If she starts attacking/blaming stuff from the past, that's where I should draw my boundary and can say "I've appologized for those in the past and I've am drawing what I've learned from them to work on me" (or is that too much). Or should I just cut it off to "I've already appologized for those in the past.". Or do I add some validation "I can see how you've felt hurt by those things in the past and I've already applogized for that" Or "????"
If you say that last sentence then you are opening a door for a R talk from her. Don't say anything about apologizing in the past from now on. Just don't say anything....period. Tell her good-bye and hang up. It is past time for her to get the message that you are not going down that lane again. Stop it!!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi- sorry, really don't mean to be rude or trying to hijack. When you get a chance can you swing by my thread? I am a mess. thanks. TD
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
It keeps crossing my mind as I'm thinking about Coach's challenge/post on fairness.
"How do you decide if you are treated fairly? Do you treat everyone fairly? Who judges you? Define fair. Do you think the world treats you fairly?"
Even though I'm still struggling on how to define fair (surprising, even an internet search didn't help), I know I can't say that I treat everyone fairly. I know my wife feels I haven't treated her fairly in our marriage.
Keep struggling till you figure it out. Why does everyone have to treat you fair?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Dang I am so sorry...I'm not sure what you do but if I can help at all let me know, I do recruiting so maybe I can give resume advice or something...Try looking at the positives, I know easier said than done, you can spend more time with your kids right?
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Sorry dude. Same thing happened to me 2 weeks before last Thanksgiving. When my boss sat me down and told me he was letting me go I had a flashback of the ILYBNILWU speech the X gave me. The rejection was hard at first, but then I landed an even better job. Better pay and nicer boss and coworkers. I know you've heard it before, but it's true "when one door shuts another opens..."
Sorry to hear that. I was put on furlough 2 weeks ago.
For me, I practiced some of the techniques I learned from my sitch about being happy and making the most of things to get through it. After what happened in my M, I figured nothing, including a job loss, would ever be as bad as that.
Hang in there and stay strong. We're all here for you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
confused-- Just hold on. These types of things have a great way of working themselves out. I have two very close friends and a couple just "plain old regular friends" who were all let go due to cut backs. All four have new jobs they like much much better that they wouldn't have pursued otherwise. Just hold on....you'll get there too.
