Well it's time for me to push a one way or the other...she took d camping and asked if I could let the dog out sure it's ony way home...while I was there I looked through the mail because sometimes my stuff still goes there and what did I see...thick envelope from her l dated the tenth...so she must have talked to him probably because working on something on her own was too hard.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I'd like to know how you folks who have been separated for a much longer period of time than I have cope with the lonliness? I sometimes get very, very lonely...not just for female companionship per se...but for her specifically. How do you wade through it?
Winston Churchill said..."If you're going through hell, then keep going!"
That's kind of the attitude that I've been having when I feel really down because I'm so lonesome for her.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Think you are doing good... it's not "game" it's positive manipulation (the way a therapist or sponsor works you)- but I agree with you that just being yourself works best. My whole sitch began when I realized that I needed to be myself - and he would like it or not.
It led at first to increasing problems at first that led up to our S, it led to his self discovery of his problem and getting help, and now it is bringing him back. Not a bad thing to be yourself. My thoughts at the time and still are - if it is going to work it has to be with me being me.
V - my H and I have been having convo's about how our R feels like one that is just starting because he didn't "see me" before. But my part is learning that he didn't hear or see or remember much from before, and as he educates me I am rewriting our history. So instead of thoughts that he did things to hurt me on purpose, I know now that he wasn't able to think or process things through the fog of his A brain. So now I him acting right in the same situaitons without much work. I wonder how much of your W stuff is the same?
Since you saw those papers I would keep doing what you are doing but also keep in mind what also may be going on. She may be a conflict avoider and is doing alot of the work behind the scenes to not rock the boat until she has to.
Just make sure you are protected financially and with your kids.
Remember its only a piece of paper.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I'm not sure but I may have been rude to her today...I went to the pool and after I was there I called to let her know if she and K's are coming on of the pools is closed. She said she was and asked if I could save her a chair, sure no problem. Her and the k's got there I was listening to my music and reading a book, I stopped to say hi ect.
Well the kids went to play I put my headphones back on and started reading my book. W just sat next to me just looking around. I guess I should have talked to her or something but I just really had no desire to to talk with her...After about 15 minutes she got up and went to hang out with kids, fifteen minutes after that I left said goodbye to her and k's...Was I rude? I wasn't trying to be rude didn't even think about it till I was driving home...Also I didn't have my ring on, I just don't want a huge tan line when/if we get D...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
.Also I didn't have my ring on, I just don't want a huge tan line when/if we get D...
HA!HA! So funny.
I don't think it was rude. It was reality. You were listening to music and reading your book. If you hear her say she wants to work on things and save this M then yeah maybe it was rude, but shes not. Be friendly but not her best friend.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Does your W wear her ring? This is a big issue with me.
Rude? I don't know. What were thinking about at the time? Why did you leave at that point when everyone was there? Only you know how you felt and what you did. Don't dwell on it. You are trying to be yourself. If you really care - ask her/ tell her, otherwise just let it go.
No she doesn't wear her rings but I pushed her to that...I'm still trying to process your last post...whenever a and I talk about r it always ends with her saying she wants d so I don't go there...it never crossed my mind I might have been rude but she satvthere next to me for a while without saying anything...when I went to say goodbye to her and the kids she looked depressed and that made me feel bad.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Since you got the glimpse of the paperwork then maybe just press on but in the back of your mind know that this D process may be looming soon.
Just keep being you. If she doesn't see what a great guy you are then someone else will!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
V--I think you are doing great. If you were doing all of that on purpose, then yes, you were rude. If you were doing it on auto pilot, you were ok. She's the one who made things this way....let her deal with it. You were actually very considerate when you called and then saved her a chair. No worries. Keep doing what you're doing.
