Jumping in (1st post)

[stillloveshim]

I think the cards would be nice. Keep it neutral.

[Kimmie Lee]

Their MC has the wife believing that the M has been dead for 3 yrs. And to top it off, the W is STILL SEEING THE MC??!! Something is very fishy here.

I think a few big 180's are in order.

[Gardener]

stilly,
Yeah, the two neutral cards were my first instinct; gonna go with that.

What you said about wearing the ring because you're still married until the ink dries got to me. I'm a sappy romantic to be sure. I dunno...maybe if there's any good sign from her, I'll put it back on (sorry, all, I'm not usually wishy-washy like this).

What you said about me not being at TLR yet is interesting. Could you explain? Since I'm new at this when I read the TLR prereqs ("Already separated, been asked for a divorce," etc.,) I kinda ignored the rest of DR and concentrated on TLR chapter
almost exclusively.

Whadda ya think?

[Kimmie Lee]

G, your W is still seeing this MC because......?

[volleydog]

For me I've taken my ring off three different times and have always ended up putting it back on. I figure I'm married till I'm not. W took hers off last summer, my fault. I saw her right after she told me she wanted a D so I asked her why she kept her ring on if she didn't want to be married...It hasn't been on since.

[stillloveshim]

Remember this: Don't believe a word they say and only half of what they do.

I think your information that she is very distraught and unsure of what to do is from a great source. But do YOU trust this source? If so, then you are not in the LR stage.

180's are good and effective if done right. But if you are already not chasing her, not email, not calling, not contacting in general, that's good too.
However-----Maybe you need to get your handsome face into her head some more....? I'm not sure, you have to make that call. You know her better.
How do you think she would react if you asked her for a date? With the promise of no r or d discussions. Dinner and a movie or whatever.
Kind of start over.....?
As far as the ring goes, that's really how I feel.

[Gardener]

Okay, here goes. After this reply I think I'm gonna set up my second TelCoach session.

stilly, I do trust the source (dil). Just don't know W's true state of mind. Pre-db, I asked dil "As a woman, do you think there's nothing left that I can do? That's it over?" DIL said no, not by a long shot, W doesn't know what to do. However, next day W asked for D, so I dunno.

Benign contact/date might be a good idea, but after a only a week of DBing I wonder if I should just stay the course and be patient.

When confronted at MC parking lot, W als said it was "one final session".

Didn't want to go here, but:
MC sees couples in office some days of week, in home office the other days.
I saw MC by myself only once alone, in office (week before the final "bum's rush" session).
W mentioned on two (three?) occasions having seen him individually.
At last session, W made comment about oriental rug on MC's office floor, "Every time I see the rug in your den I wonder is it the same as or just similar to this one."
I hate to think the thought. W is moral and upstanding, etc. She'd never...Well, she'd never leave me or ask for a divorce either...

But in my heart of hearts, that is one thing she'd never do.

Time to schedule that TelCoaching.

[Gardener]

Well, TelCoach session won't be until next Monday.

And, stilly, two things I forgot:

1) I do know her and if there's one statement she's made more than any other in the last six months it's been "Just leave me alone." So I won't make any move on benign date until after TeleCoach.

2) Howdja know I was handsome?

Thanks, all! First DB, then TeleCoaching, now you guys. Great, just great....

[stillloveshim]

Then leave her alone for now. Talk to your coach, see what advice you get.
When you do see her be upbeat and concerned for her but not overwhelming.
And I think if you trust DIL that's good. Keep line of communication open but don't abuse it, don't put her in the middle of things.
And even though she said she wants a divorce, I believe that could be the thing furthest from the truth.
Keep in mind she's hurting too and in a lot of turmoil.
Take care of you and the rest will work out.

[Gardener]

Then leave her alone for now. Talk to your coach, see what advice you get.
When you do see her be upbeat and concerned for her but not overwhelming.
And I think if you trust DIL that's good. Keep line of communication open but don't abuse it, don't put her in the middle of things.
And even though she said she wants a divorce, I believe that could be the thing furthest from the truth.
Keep in mind she's hurting too and in a lot of turmoil.
Take care of you and the rest will work out.

OK.
I do, it is, she's a sweet person & is a gentle, concerned, occasional line of communication, never would put her in awful middle (a lose/lose sitch, for sure).
Y'know, stilly, I do believe that in my heart of hearts (the furthest thing from the truth comment). haven't dared say it to anyone except, now, you (and a couple hundred DBers).
I always keep her turmoil in mind
Doin' the best I can, still in the stage of this sitch occupying my thoughts every waking minute of the day (aaargghhh!!)

Thanks.