"If he did this it would have been nice to have been told!"
Communication is a big part of it. We all think we are the best communicators ever. Lets take this approach with this for right now. I don't see any notice of D or him moving out or wanting you to move out. So your "homework" would be to try and find the moments when he is "talking" to you. Right now the best thing you could do for you is just try and observe the "stitch". Try and look at things with a new "eye".
You need to be clear with what you want from all this. That does not mean saying anything. A big part of this is removing yourself from the "Emotion" of it and making choices because you believe it to be the right thing for you.
Mach1 had some solid advice.. and I agree.
Most of what you read about here in "Newbies" is generally a fight for "Control". They want to leave you want them to stay. So things usually go downhill quick. If you can understand that giving them some "Control" of their life and the choices they are making is not a bad thing.. things will become more clear. Hence "Act as if"...
If you "act as if" none of this bothers you... or you "act as if" you are happy all the time.. It can throw them off because you have stopped re-acting in a manner they are accustomed to. So long story short you take back some "Control" by giving some away.
"LL - for him words of affirmation will be my focus. For me quality time. What do you mean by centering the conversation? Please give me suggestions!"
Most of the time you can get something from someone by "feeding" them. In the aspect of the LL if you give words of affirmation you may receive quality time. You can test your theory on what his LL is by acting upon it. If you say "Hey thanks for dinner it was great!" and you get a positive response then you could expand on that and see how many positive responses you can generate. If you "see" a consistent theme then maybe you throw in.. "Hey dinner was great.. wanna pop some popcorn and watch a movie?" Best thing I can say is break things down into their simplistic form and think from there.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I need some advice for mc tomorrow. I am fortunate that I get some time to talk about r, but I have to be extremely cautious. I was thinking it would be important to affirm the effort he said he is making to take an interest in what I am doing. I also thought about thanking him for owning his 50% of the blame for not communicating with me, but add that in my soul searching, I can see that I haven't always been the most fun person to talk to. This is something else that I am vowing to work on. I will take anything as constructive criticism from here on out. I also wanted to stress that I am making these changes for ME. Any feedback?
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
I don't really have feedback Hopeful, other than validate. That is what I read about all the time. I thought this was an interesting article that I found on another post...and it seems appropriate for this thread...it SERIOUSLY hit home with me...and the whole martyrdom thing we touched on here. Some of you have probably read this already but I thought I would share.... http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3600_state.html ...praying for us all!!!
