Oh, bless your heart.....you are so confused and can't decide.....and the typical LBH. And.....your wife is typical MLC/WAW. In one post you have decided you can't hang on for another year of this and then your desire to have her back gets the best of you (especially after the late night secret date... ) and now, you just don't know which way to turn. I'm not making fun of you in case this post should sound that way. Not at all! I hate it for the LBS. I can't imagaine how horrible it must be for them.......well, I try to imagaine....but I have not been in their place. Which brings me to what I want to say to you and also to my buddy "Stuck". Guys........you are talking as if you are dealing with "normal" women here. THEY ARE NOT......REPEAT.....NOT NORMAL. Why do you keep forgetting that? They have a "disease" called MLC and The Walk-Away Wife Syndrome. If you know from the depth of your soul that you cannot wait around for how ever long it takes for her to come out of the fog, then you need to move on. However, it is not necessary to get a D. You can drop the rope......get on with your life.....and yet not file for a D. You may even go as far as to get the D.......but you don't have to if you don't want to. I am not saying this about either of you or anybody in particular, but some do not get the difference in dropping the rope and getting a D and there IS a difference. Anyway, I don't have time to get into all of that. I just want you to be sure before you make any fast decisions. When I posted back a couple of weeks ago, you sounded very sure that you had no intentions of waiting on the side-lines until her A was over. Now.......you are wishy-washy. That's okay. You don't have to decide right now. Get some rest. Think about it. Pray about it. You've waited this long.....you can wait and think a few more days.
Before I go, I want to say this......and it is not to lay a guilt trip on you one bit b/c I have right out told some people that they need to move on and leave the S alone (but usually there was something different that a MLC/WAW thing). Anyway, if you really could look at this as a disease.......what would you do? If the disease caused her to act and think like a person completely foreign to who she always was.......what would you do? Understand this please......in no way am I making excuses and saying it is acceptable and fine to have an PA or EA. It is wrong. It is sin......period. That is why it is so much more complicated that dealing with a S who has a psycological problem. B/c it hits the LBS so very, very personal. Hearts are broken, lives torn apart, anger and bitterness is born, respect and self-esteem is lost.......on and on we could expound on this subject. If it weren't for all these dang "emotions" getting in the way so we could just be able to use our normal minds to think we might......well......But the emotions are there....all raw and bleeding. The decision as to what you can do is very personal and in the end.....we can say a lot of stuff, but you are the one that has to live with that decision.....you and of course the children. Ahhhh.......the guilt trip. You should recognize it well by now, huh? That is not what this is about. As a former wayward wife, who Puppy says lies and cheats, I feel almost vulnerable to you in asking you to just re-think the outcome. How valuable is this lady to you? I think I know how valuable she was in the past......for now you may not be too sure......and as you said, we can't predict the future. At first, I agreed with you and thought that dropping the rope was probably the best way to deal with this stitch, but after what has happened, I think you do have a strong chance in drawing her back.......but.....BUT, it would take time and that is what you are having a problem with......TIME. You don't want to feel that you have wasted time waiting for her and then it not happen. But then I have to ask again......how valuable is she?
She is treating you (outside of actually having a PA) better than I treated my H. Everything else sounds about the same. I didn't share with my friends what was going on, but the Internet stuff was the same. I could not stand to be in the same house when my H was here! She seems like she adores you. I can see there is attraction on her part just by what you post. That is so much more than what I had to work with. We were in such a mess at Sandi's place. But, my H stayed. He did not support what I did by any means! But, he stayed. I slowly begin to see the OM and what was "really" happening and I decided it was not worth my family's love and respect and 40 years of M to have a few moments with the OM. My fantasy of a future with him was fed to me from him just to have his needs fulfilled. But when he saw he was not getting me to a motel as fast as he wanted.....I could tell that he would rotate from woman to woman until he finally phased me out. She will discover that about her OM also. Her fantasy is different from mine. Well, I am not really saying anything new. Just had a heavy heart readying your pain. I felt that I was too quick in agreeing with you about moving on and wanted to encourage you to think about it and the possibility that since you two have the connection with each other......I don't know why a friendship could not be established and go from there. Some may think, "Why would a man want to have a friendship with the woman who cheated on him and lied to him?" It always goes back to how valuable is she to you? Is she worth it in spite of what she's done? If not, then you do need to move on. If you think she might be, why not hang on a while longer and give it a few baby steps and see where it goes. Could you be any worse off? Yes, you are afraid of the "hopes" and getting more hurt. I know that. But is it worth it to try?
If you can get past the A and the state of mind she is in at the present and consentrate on starting a new R and maybe even a M......then it must start with a small friendship and baby step it from there. If you know you can't and won't get past what she's done, then move on and set her free b/c she doesn't need you to be there. If you can't forgive her and you can't put the OM out of the picture and realize you got the prize.....then move on and let her be free. It takes a very big man......a strong man......one full of much love to hang on and give it another try before he throws in the towell.
I see the ball being in your court now. You are probably thinking it is in hers b/c she needs to do this and that and.......but it is in your court. Just give it some time. Get some rest.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.....that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I'm found; was blind but now I see.
God bless and keep you.
Love, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have read your thoughts over the last few months, I was wondering whether you could offer any advice?
Sorry to come in left of centre to your thread Future; I do hope you find peace and travel along the path that is best for you.We are all trying to do that here in the best way we know how.
Thank you so much for the time and thought you put into my life.
I AM confused, and I CAN'T decide. My friends keep asking me "What do you want?", and I keep telling them "I don't know, and I don't think I need to know yet!" I've been trying to have the strategy you laid out Sandi. I want to see if my W and I could at least take some steps toward something new and see how it feels before I decide anything. What's wrong with that? Sometimes the attitude on the board here, and with my friends and family, is that this will only be resolved if my W comes crashing down, then comes back to me, begging for forgiveness. I don't see that happening. They don't like me "pursuing" her, because they don't think she deserves it, or me. Maybe she doesn't.
Only she and I know where this all came from. She knows she was wrong to do what she did, but she knows, and I know, that something was fundamentally missing from our M. Although part of me likes to think we could have made our way through it from within our M, if I am honest with myself, I have to face the truth that this probably was the only way to throw us far enough away from each other to allow us to see each other with truly new eyes. You can tell from my posts that we have a connection, we have since almost the moment we met. Our recent time together has shown me that her A and our separation have not severed that connection. Even through the MLC/WAW fog, that line is there.
It means very much to me for you to say she seems like she adores me. I can feel it coming from her, but she fights it now. Part of her hates it. She knows that feeling she has toward me has led her to so much pain and lonliness. She wants an intense love, whereas ours was closeness, trust, friendship. The thing is, I wanted that intense love too. We were just so mired in our life responsibilities, kids, house, jobs, etc, that there was so little time and energy left to put towards making each other feel truly special. My HUGE mistake was just giving in to that, and not fighting against it. Now she's got this OM, where every one of their interactions is essentially a fantasy vacation. They share no responsibilities. I'm sure it's fun and exciting, but I wonder if she's starting to feel its hollowness, as compared to our connection, which is twisted, tied, strained, and can feel restrictive, but is based on real sharing of life. That's why I am making a big effort to add this tone of intensity to our interactions now. I look deep into her eyes all the time when I talk with her. I say what I'm thinking. I don't hold back, regardless of what those thoughts are ;-). I want her to know she can have everything we used to have, PLUS a new intimacy and intensity. I was so pleased with myself when she expressed she would be intimidated by me were we to start dating romantically. Now that's the kind of change I'm talking about!
So, your big questions. How valuable is she to me? Very. Am I willing to hang in for a while longer? Yes. How long? I'm not sure. Could I get past the A? If she were to truly give herself back to me, yes.
Not quite sure how the ball is in my court, but I'll try to see it that way. "Get some rest"... good advice! I have prayed almost every day about my situation, and I'll continue to do so.
By the way, the song "Amazing Grace" chokes me up EVERY time I hear it.
My friends keep asking me "What do you want?", and I keep telling them "I don't know, and I don't think I need to know yet!"
You are right......you DO NOT need to make any rash decisions now. I don't understand why people get into such a big hurry about those things. Maybe b/c we live in such a fast paced world and feel the urgency to move quickly. However, too many fatal mistakes have been made by quick decisions. She doesn't know what she wants. She MAY THINK she does......but she's still in that confused state of mind. You are not sure of what you want b/c of how she has yanked you around and messed with your heart & mind. To take it a day at a time and be willing to wait is a big deal. It takes strength to do that! IMHO, the easy way out is to run away and leave it. People see it as escaping the pain, but I think the pain only follows the person wherever they go. Tell your friends not to push you and that you will make up your own mind in your own time.
Quote:
Sometimes the attitude on the board here, and with my friends and family, is that this will only be resolved if my W comes crashing down, then comes back to me, begging for forgiveness.
Since my "crises" was not exactly like a lot of others, maybe I should not offer my opinion, but you know me...... I can see her coming with the crash, but to go running back and begging for your forgiveness may or may not happen. I did not feel remorse for a very long time and even though I told my H that I did not want to "hurt" him........in my heart I tried to blame him for what I had done. It took a great deal of time and actually praying for God to help me feel repentent of my wrong doing before I could honestly show my H my sincere regret. I am not sure why that is a huge part of the MLC, but from what I have read, most of the MLC'ers have a real problem with asking for forgiveness. What you have to ask yourself is if you could/can forgive her even if she never asks you? Whether the two of you get together or not, I hope for your sake you are able to find forgiveness b/c it is will free you up and allow peace to reign in you. Otherwise, it will be like a cancer eating away at you the rest of your life and leave you a bitter old man. You don't want to live life like that!
Quote:
she knows, and I know, that something was fundamentally missing from our M.
That is so true in "most" cases. I just told another poster that it is not right to blame the LBS for the other one's MLC and I still believe that. However, I do believe that it usually takes a breakdown in a MR to lead to the WAS syndrome. It certainly does not help when a person is headed for a MLC, but I think there are some great people out there who were totally unaware of anything wrong (maybe they were blinded?) in the MR when their S fell head first into MLC. My H trusted me with his life. That was the one thing that we both had that was treasured......our trust in each other. That was why I got by with the secret EA as long as I did before I was caugt......and then it was by accident. He just could not believe I would ever betray him like that! Neither did I. When I look back at all the things that took years to take place.....and see them line up hitting me over and over.....I could easily "blame" all of that and say it was not "my fault" but that would be a cop-out. I take full responsibility for my actions. I knew what I was doing.....even if I was in denial at first and maybe even blind to my own stupidity. Sure my H failed. That is why I was so angry when he said he had never done anything wrong! That is why it took me so long to have a desire to try to stay in my M for the "right" reasons. But the bottom line is that it was my actions that almost ended a 40+ year M.
Quote:
I have to face the truth that this probably was the only way to throw us far enough away from each other to allow us to see each other with truly new eyes
Maybe that is what Rob meant in his statement to Stuck. I don't agree that MLC is good! But, I see what you are saying, too. Sometimes, it does take something tragic to wake us up. As humans, we have better hind-sight than fore-sight and we tend to want what we think we've lost. We are strange creatures!
Quote:
You can tell from my posts that we have a connection, we have since almost the moment we met. Our recent time together has shown me that her A and our separation have not severed that connection. Even through the MLC/WAW fog, that line is there.
That is why I think there is a great chance for healing over this. There was a sexual attraction from the beginning and it is still there. As long as that exists.......man, you have so much going for you! Unfortunately, I did not have that for my H. It is awfully hard to make it work when that is not in the picture.
Quote:
She wants an intense love, whereas ours was closeness, trust, friendship. The thing is, I wanted that intense love too. We were just so mired in our life
That intense love was so much a part of my fantasy. B/c I felt that I had missed out on a lot of sexual excitment and had known only one man intimately......I wanted to experience have some type of magic, volcanic, type of sex/love/affair. But it was only a fantasy. The OM only wanted the sex and he was willing to tell me anything I wanted to hear to get me into a motel with him. He was very talented in his way of words. He probably was very experienced at that! I am so thankful that it never reached the PA level.
Every couple/family these days seem to get lost easily in the hustle and bustle of life. I see couple running their legs off with their individual careers and getting the kids off to ball games or other activities......and it all sounds good, but in reality, I think it is killing the family unit. It certainly is doing a number on the MR b/c the couple has not "time" for each other. When they are together, they are so exhausted and stressed about "life".......it takes away from their R with each other. Maybe b/c I grew up in a different era where things were not so fast paced and I was able to see another generation and lived a different lifestyle......and now I have lived long enough to observe my children's generation and what it is doing to them. Sadly, it is affecting the "baby-boomers" too. I am seeing so many of my generation that have been M for decades and then D. Seems as if nobody gets by free of charge these days.
Quote:
Now she's got this OM, where every one of their interactions is essentially a fantasy vacation. They share no responsibilities. I'm sure it's fun and exciting, but I wonder if she's starting to feel its hollowness, as compared to our connection,
Yes, it was a need/desire that sent her "looking" and her own fantasy of the other side of the fense. You hit the nail on the head about the "no responsibility" and that is why so many 2nd marriages do not work. Especially when they were built on an affair. Reality hits them and then all the "fun" leaves the R and they discover they are in the exact same M they left.......only it is worse this time around b/c they don't actually "love" the one they are M to then like the one the left.
Oh, I hope she will begin to see the hollowness in that R. If she can see through the fog just a little bit, she'll know she's pushing aside a wonderful man and life. Your part in this is hard. Your part would be to "wait" and give the A with OM time to fizzle out.
I grew up under the influence that an A was the all time "deal breaker" in any M. I have learned, however, that it does not HAVE to be. It all depends upon the love that has not been totally killed out. Love may take a severe beating and almost smothered out, but if there is a little spark.....(like the two of you have).....it can start to build to a healty flame and with work.....a bon-fire can begin. (Do you think I would make a good writer? ......just kidding) I get to sounding rather dramatic at times....lol.
Just be careful about pursuing. It is not a matter of her being worth pursuing......it is how she will re-act to it. I know with me, the more my H pursued me, the worse I got. I use to want him to do that in our earlier years, but after I was in my crises......it worked in an opposite way. So, continue to use your sex appeal, be flirty, friendly, fun, and all those things, but remember that a WAW is like a bird ready to take flight at the least bit of pressure.
Better go and make myself productive around here. Hope you have a great weekend. Maybe I will get to talk to you before long.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You are not sure of what you want b/c of how she has yanked you around and messed with your heart & mind. To take it a day at a time and be willing to wait is a big deal. It takes strength to do that!
Exactly how I feel. It does take strength, but just like building muscles, the more I do it, the stronger I feel. I am soooo much stronger than I was a year ago. Quite amazing actually!
I really have a hard time seeing her ever being truly remorseful over this. She is so convinced it was such a good thing, which is brutal on me, I have to say. However, I'm already well on my way to forgiving her. I wouldn't be able to act the way I do around her unless I was. I don't want to carry so much anger around in me. If she does come back, and if I feel it is genuine, I think I could forgive her and be happy. I she is truly gone, then I'm already on my way to a new life. I won't let this hold me back, and forgiveness is a big part of being free.
I think my W's affair with OM is different than yours was Sandi. She knew him when they were teenagers when she lived in this other country, and he was totally in love with her, but she wasn't interested. Because of that past, she trusts his feelings for her are genuine, and he is smitten to finally get what he wanted so long ago. Of course it is still so much fantasy, as what I said is still true. They share no responsibilities, and they have little realistic chance of a future together. He has said he won't move here, and she won't leave the kids. Still, she professes to love him. Meanwhile, she flirts with me and invites me out for a secret meet up. What the ??????
Quote:
Every couple/family these days seem to get lost easily in the hustle and bustle of life. I see couple running their legs off with their individual careers and getting the kids off to ball games or other activities......and it all sounds good, but in reality, I think it is killing the family unit. It certainly is doing a number on the MR b/c the couple has not "time" for each other. When they are together, they are so exhausted and stressed about "life".......it takes away from their R with each other.
I agree with you 100%. I think the American family culture has seriously compromised the strength of the M in favor of the kids. Not quite sure why.
Quote:
Oh, I hope she will begin to see the hollowness in that R. If she can see through the fog just a little bit, she'll know she's pushing aside a wonderful man and life. Your part in this is hard. Your part would be to "wait" and give the A with OM time to fizzle out.
I have to admit, the advice FightingFit is giving on the Infidelity forum is compelling. If my W does have as much of a connection to me as I think she does, would a sincere ultimatum of either OM or me have a chance of working? And I mean a SERIOUS ultimatum, like breaking off all communication, and changing our co-parenting arrangement to one of true separate custody, where she has no involvement in my time with the kids, and vice versa. Or am I best slow playing this, like I have been all along? My gut says to slow play, and not just as a strategy. I've come to know that I don't want my W to come back to me out of fear. Regardless of what's happened so far, I want her to come back because she has fixed something inside herself, she can see that I've fixed myself, and that we really could have a totally new, much better R. I want her to come back excited about NEW possibilities. I believe she needs to experience me differently for enough time to trust that the changes are real before she would allow herself to take a chance.
Quote:
Just be careful about pursuing. It is not a matter of her being worth pursuing......it is how she will re-act to it. I know with me, the more my H pursued me, the worse I got. I use to want him to do that in our earlier years, but after I was in my crises......it worked in an opposite way. So, continue to use your sex appeal, be flirty, friendly, fun, and all those things, but remember that a WAW is like a bird ready to take flight at the least bit of pressure.
I will be careful, and I think maybe I have overdone it a bit, so I'll pull back now. I was so excited to hit her right between the eyes with my confident declarations of my desire for her, a big 180 for me. I now want to give her time to reflect on what she saw in me. I want a little voice inside her to start whispering "You could have it all", when she's stuck talking with OM on the phone or over the Internet. It felt very good when she pursued me back a little bit with the secret meet up. Why would my W invite me out after I made such a clear declaration of my desire for her, if she had none for me? Usually in such a lopsided situation, the one who is desired feels uncomfortable around the other. Uncomfortable is not exactly how I'd describe her attitude toward me that night!
I'll let things sit for a while now. I was supposed to go to my son's little league game tonight, which is always good time for her and I to hang out and talk and flirt, but I have a basketball game tonight so I texted her and told her I wouldn't be there. She texted back "Too bad. Good luck!"
As a small side note, I met her briefly at the grocery store this evening so she could say hi to the kids, as she agreed to let me keep them longer than usual due to my parents being here. She didn't say hi to me, and she would barely look me in the eye. There's the pullback I've been expecting!
Hi Future...I have been reading your thread tonight, and I just wanted to offer my support You seem like you are doing extremely well, and I see/feel alot of myself in you especially re: your "gut" feeling that you should be fighting for your marriage. And that you know in your heart that a connection is still there. I don't know, maybe everyone here feels this way...but even though the low parts of the rollercoaster do a number on my confidence in this, the high points make me believe that there is no way my H can't be feeling the same thing. Anyway I got a post from AliveandKicking in regards to something I said about wondering why my H was doing this to me...and me wondering why I was such a "bad" person to be around, (feeling little confidence right now can you tell??!), etc. I thought it was appropriate to interject here with your sitch and when I read that she didn't look at you and pulled back when you met her at the grocery store..alive and kicking wrote this to me....
"You are not bad to be around, he can't differentiate and define himself with you...he only knows how to be the version of him that was married to you when you're around. Now, he wants to be someone else in a way...or is at least exploring. It is an identity crisis of sorts."
I just thought this made alot of sense and it applies here IMO. She wants to feel that fire with you OUTSIDE of your marriage, hence the date over wings. Do you think she didn't plan that scenario out?? She knows you go there, she knows you love those wings and she called you. It was secretive, exciting, and it made her feel good...Once the kids are there, it is the version of you both that she is trying to avoid, for whatever reason. Interesting, and worth exploring more, I think. Is it possible that at some point, these things can be bridged together? And that if you keep doing what is working...and let it take the time it needs to, that it will NATURALLY bridge itself?
Just a thought and I wanted to say that I think you are on the right track...no matter the outcome! You seem like a great guy!
My H's EA was also with an old flame from school, years ago. There must be lots of these kinds of A's since people can find old schoolmates, etc. Sucks, because we LBS's are fighting against a younger image of a time where they were young before all the responsibilities.
Oh well!
I think you're on the right track. Just play it cool. And I like that you're already on your way to forgiving ... that was a hard one for me.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks for your advice and support. I seem to have a lot of the women on the board rooting for me! I'm really touched.
I know what you mean about the confidence thing. Although I'm doing better and better, my confidence still goes up and down. The highs and lows keep getting higher though. Try to remember you are not defined by how your H sees you, or acts around you. It's very hard, I know, but it is true.
That is a very insightful idea you offer. It does make sense. We were married for a long time, and we got very "regimented" in our roles and attitudes towards each other. I'm exploring being someone else around my W, but I'm really motivated to do it, that's my goal. She may only now be feeling that pull away from our old roles into something new. Maybe it was her seeing me do it that brought it out in her.
I never thought about it in such obvious terms, but absolutely, there is WAY more spark between us when the kids aren't around. Three little kids tend to dominate any situation they are in, and we're stuck in our roles managing them as mommy and daddy. It was our failure to take time to shed those roles that led us to where we are. When I approached my W at the grocery store, the kids all ran up to her and she was totally in mommy role. It makes sense that she would associate that with our old roles in our M, and get very distant from me.
One more thing I forgot to mention before. The bar where we met that night has another meaning. Last year when we were really struggling to see if we could get our M into a better place, we were trying to get some time alone away from the kids. One of the times we went out just the two of us was when we went to that bar and got beer and wings. We had a great time, better than we had had in a long time, and we felt that little spark. I didn't know it at the time, but she had already started her EA with OM, so the deck was very stacked against me, and no matter what I did I could not get that spark to grow into a flame. However, last fall when my W told me she was leaving, and we talked over many things, one of the things I said was that I was sad because I felt like we were friends again after a long time of not feeling that way, and now she wants to leave. She agreed we were friends again, and she said it was that night at the bar when we found our friendship again.
You do make a good case that she planned that night. I'd like to think so, but I'm not sure. I do think it's meaningful that she picked that place to go that night, and she invited me to meet her there.
She texted me first thing this morning asking how my basketball game went, which was nice. I'm encouraged knowing she's thinking about me. It's a beautiful day here, and I'm struggling wondering what she and the kids are doing. My parents have left, and the house feels particularly empty. Got work to do around the house, going for a run later with a friend, and got plans for tonight. Life goes on.
I have to admit, for a while I was hating the Internet, as I saw it as the tool that took my W away from me. Of course this board wouldn't exist without the Internet either, and this board is awesome, so I have to realize it is just what it is, and people can use it for good things or bad.
Several of the women here on the board are saying the same thing, that I'm doing the right thing by "playing it cool", but sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I try to look at it from her side. She knows what she did, she knows she's with OM. She knows she betrayed me, abandoned our M, and took my kids from me half the time. Yet she sees with me with a great attitude, being fun and flirty. Does she wonder "What's up with this guy? Doesn't he have any self respect? Why doesn't he hate me? He should hate me. Anyone with self respect would hate me." What am I saying about myself that I am continuing to extend myself to her, and offer her my company, my humor, my conversation, my desire?
I am glad you've got plans for tonight, good for you and GAL!!! Well, I was out and about all day and evening with the kids, so here I am tonight! Anyway... I think we all get regimented in our roles as H/W, Mommy and Daddy. It takes motivation for people to do something about it. I think for my H in particular, he didn't have the skills to break out of it in a healthy, normal "keep my family together at any cost" type of way and frankly, neither did I. I would say that I have not been happy for awhile in the R either...but that I always just thought we would get it together one day, and that day has come in the form of him leaving! I look to the future and hope that this will be a blessing in disguise and I can tell from reading MANY posts that that is how alot of these sitch's turn out.
In your sitch, I just think that you are doing the right things and she is responding so why change. FOR NOW. I think what you described of how she might be "seeing" you is partially the "cake eating" if you will. I mean, you are doing A FABULOUS JOB working on yourself...and I don't think you will let her walk all over you or take advantage. I think you will know when it is cake eating and you will come to the point where you will not allow it. Hopefully that made sense.
As for the bar sitch...the fact that there is a deeper meaning is only more reason for me to think that even if she didn't PLAN the meeting with you consciously, it was definately subconscious. Which to me sounds silly, so the only option is she knew what she was doing there!!! As far as DBing goes...if she starts to invite you alot of places...maybe turn one invite down. Ignite that flame of curiosity!!!!!!!!
) and now, you just don't know which way to turn. I'm not making fun of you in case this post should sound that way. Not at all! I hate it for the LBS. I can't imagaine how horrible it must be for them.......well, I 
I can see her coming with the crash, but to go running back and begging for your forgiveness may or may not happen. I did not feel remorse for a very long time and even though I told my H that I did not want to "hurt" him........in my heart I tried to blame him for what I had done. It took a great deal of time and actually praying for God to help me feel repentent of my wrong doing before I could honestly show my H my sincere regret. I am not sure why that is a huge part of the MLC, but from what I have read, most of the MLC'ers have a real problem with asking for forgiveness. What you have to ask yourself is if you could/can forgive her even if she never asks you? Whether the two of you get together or not, I hope for your sake you are able to find forgiveness b/c it is will free you up and allow peace to reign in you. Otherwise, it will be like a cancer eating away at you the rest of your life and leave you a bitter old man. You don't want to live life like that!
......just kidding) I get to sounding rather dramatic at times....lol.