I thinking about sending her something like the following:
Dear W,
This is probably the hardest thing I've ever written you. Though you D is not what I want I know you feel it's your only option at this point. Baring going to http://www.retrouvaille.org/ or some other MC I think we should get this D done as soon as possible.
Whether you realize it or not the last few weeks you've been very different to me starting with you inviting me to dinner, I'm still confused about that since you've only done that once in the last two years. I guess I was thinking that working on a finality of D gave you second thoughts. While I loved the invite and dinner I was giving myself false hope and I can't live like that anymore. So the sooner we can work this out the better I think.
What are you plans on telling the kids?
Love always x
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Im sorry VD. One thing I have learned is that you never assume anything with the WAS behavior. There could be many motives behind it.
I agree with Kass. Try and go dark as much as you can.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I've thought about that and I'm not sure what I would be doing it for. At this point I have NO doubt we are going to D I just have to decide how fast I want it to happen.
One other thing...wtf is up with my R and Thursday's, this is the forth or fifth time I've gotten bad news on a Thursday...:)
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
HA! Not sure about the Thursday thing. Maybe just stay in bed and don't communicate with anyone.
When exh and I were going thru our D, I made him do all the work. I waited until the last possible day to sign papers, get information etc. All it did was tick exh off and make me feel pathetic. A divorce is just a piece of paper. If you two are meant to R then it will happen.
I know your W is not at all like my exh, but thier thinking is so strange. All thru our separation/divorce the first time we were still seeing eachother and sleeping together. I was holding on for dear life. He would spend a weekend with me and then Monday would have this revealation that we could never work. It was a pattern. One weekend we spent together and then Monday came and I was served D papers. HE knew they were coming, never said a word. Most WAS are avoiding conflict. If you read most threads they either hide and avoid contact or they try and act like this is all normal.
Oh, Is today your Bday? Its my daughters too!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
IMHO I would keep the part about not wanting the D, then tell her how you are surprised to get the papers given the changed behavior.
Ask if she is still unsure and would she like to work it out in MC.
If she says I'm sure - then set a time to plan it and tell the kids. If she says she unsure then tell her you will set up MC to work things out from there in either direction.
What do you think?
V - I don't know if I mentioned it before but when my first M was ending - exh would ask me what we were doing after every meeting with the lawyer and wondered if we could work it out. I always replied that we could talk about it at home after the kids were taken care of. But he never did continue the convo, and I didn't initiate then, I would have dropped the D if he would have talked to me. I assumed he was just scared for a moment and then it wore off later. I assumed he wanted the D. After the D I found out that he was still in love with me and didn't want the D but thought I did. This is why I recommend talking honestly to your W - that way there can be no misunderstandings nor regrets.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
It was good...Got off work early to see kids since I would really see my D on Friday. I opened presents with W and K's which was fun, W had on an outfit I got her for Christmas...As I was getting ready to leave I decided I wanted a Bday kiss, so I went over to W put my hands on her cheeks and kissed her, not the most passionate kiss ever but she didn't pull away.
Anyway S and I went to a bball game which was really fun it was with cub scouts so a lot of people there. Game got over we were supposed to camp in the infield but as I was setting up the tent I noticed one of the poles was broke, and it's now midnight. I call the W and tell her were coming there to sleep and let her know what happened. I slept on the couch...
Anyway the rest of the weekend just hung out with the kids...Went to the pool a couple of parks and playgrounds...It was really fun, except for the camping thing me and S were really looking forward to it.
One thing that really pi$$ed me off. I got the letter from the court since her L told her to set a date in case we need one. Well I asked her if she got one (thursday night) she said no (which I know wasn't true). Friday I'm at her place and the cat knocked a bunch of papers off the desk and there was her notice...So I ask her again she looks me in the eye and lies about it again...
Last edited by volleydog; 06/08/0912:37 PM.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
