I'm toying with checking the "I reject" WAW's claim of irreconcileable differences. In its practical sense it has no effect, but I sort of like the symbolic aspect.
SP, Ha! I think, instead of "checking it off," you should cover the box in red lips(stick)!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Lawyers are suggested even with a mediator so you have another set of 'legal' eyes to make sure you're protected. Your wife's suggestion of you paying legal fees is one such thing. In most states there is a basic breakout.
Is it a mojo deal breaker if you write from the heart rather than the mind? That's presupposing on my part.. yet my mind wandered.. your posts are entertaining, even with downturns it ends with a smile.
I have two responses: first, if you look at the threads from March and April, you'll see lots of commentary about how heartfelt the posts are; second, what's the basis for assuming that Head and Heart are on different sheets of music?
The WAW often asks for 99% custody of the kids, the house, the car, alimony, your retirement and their lawyer's fees. This is in the hope that you'd be so broken that you will not respond letting them walkaway with the entire store. In reality the court usually puts a line down the middle just to get rid of you as soon as possible. You can either claim "irreconcilable" differences or her "insanity". Retain the best lawyer in your coastal town; once you do this then try a lawyer/mediator and use the retained L as backup while you coast along to D and rack up legal costs. There's very likely a plan in Mrs SP's head to replace you ASAP if she hasn't already got someone in mind. Sometimes you may have a full tank of Mojo one day only the find out a dark truth and then you run on empty for a while.
The WAW often asks for 99% custody of the kids, the house, the car, alimony, your retirement and their lawyer's fees.
What does it mean if WAW offers a fair settlement right off the bat? I had my L (a mediator) look at my W's proposal and he said it was very fair. In fact he said, "You guys are starting off where I usually finish." Just a few little points here and there. BTW W is a lawyer (workers comp) and I work in media (yeah O'Dog don't do law - talk to my Man). Anyway we put away the papers weeks ago and haven't talked about it since but W knows I'm prepared to talk business if that's what it comes to. W said she wanted everything to be fair and it was.
The legal process doesn't have to be adversarial. Keep a leash on your pit bull. Talk with W about what you both generally want then have some L's work it up. The more you agree, the less $ they take.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
You can do whatever you want.. which is the beauty of this board, of life. Folks do what they need to make it work.
In a few days your children are going to hear something painful that will change their world, that will shred their hearts and sense of security in this life they've always taken for granted. It may possibly be one of the most agonizing days in your life.
Mojo is great. Being able to find humor while walking a difficult path is great. Heck.. I did that, too. No matter how bad it was, I always found something that was good.
Honesty of feelings, writing what was true within, opening the door kept closed were basics in a writers group I was in. You have a beautiful gift and can choose how to use it.
In answer to your question... the best defense (aside from humor) is a good offense.
*hugs*
Is your wife looking for someone who knows all the answers or ... ?
What are you looking for? Listen to that little voice within. What does your bullsh*t meter say?
@fb2: Naahhhhhhh. We're all about the 50/50 basically, except where the kids are concerned (60/40 in my favor, owing to differences in work schedules) and WAW's separate property (which I have no beef about -- she inherited it from deceased grands and parents and shares it with her sister). WAW's pretty cheesed-off about spousal support -- big philosophical debate that is, "of course," completely NOT about the fact that she has to pay it
But otherwise we're much more aligned with o'dog's way -- very non-adversarial. My lawyer consult will simply be to explain things in a way my puny brain can understand.
@alive -- thanks for the tip. We'll talk. A L-friend recommended I see Lawyer Guy. Who turns out to be Divorce-Lawyer-to-the-Stars. Which I think is reaching a bit. I didn't make $40 million for my last film. Come to think of it, I didn't make a million for my last film. Come to think of it, I don't HAVE a last film. Dammit! I KNEW I did something wrong....
@Gypsy -- oddly enough, you were one of the people who commended me on the openness and emotional heartfeltedness of my earlier posts
You're right, though -- kid d-bomb will be hellacious, and I'm sure there will be no small amount of Smiley's Person bemoaning the fates come that day.
I will say that many, many people in my life have proposed that my humor -- for lack of a better term -- is a "defense mechanism." Somewhere up-thread(s), either @fb2 or @Forrest Gump termed it "whistling past the graveyard." It's been referred to / criticized / attacked / applauded as snark, wit, avoidance, disrespect, attitude, a warped vision, you-name-it.
When I went to Big Midwestern City and reconnected with old friends from high school after 30 years, it absolutely came up time and again -- Ohmigod! Smiley's Person! I can't believe it! You look great! (where "great" is a codeword for "thank god he looks older than I do!") I remember how you were always joking!
When I first went into therapy, I brought this issue up, because I'm pretty much like I am here in there. And since the D-bomb I've revisited it with my shrink, not just because of comments like the ones here on the boards, but because I was worried that maybe I was too silly to take my M seriously and that's what helped mess it up.
A couple weeks ago my therapist laughed really loudly at something I said -- so much so that his receptionist/aide, who was shocked at this breach in decorum, knocked on the door to see if everything was okay -- finally caught his breath and said, "You know, I don't think this is a defense -- I think you're just really a funny guy with a really unique perspective. Consider yourself fortunate. And go into comedy writing."
So take it for what it's worth.
Folk hereabout seem to be confusing my mojo with avoidance. Do I hurt inside? Of course I do. Do I feel fear? Of course I do.
One example -- as I mentioned up-thread, WAW is really into this close-physical-proximity thing these days, which I can't figure out. So much so, in fact, that last night I had to consciously move away from her. So, like, um, whazzapwitdat? Is it a taunt? Is it a test? Is she inviting me to make a Schnarch-like move and "do" her? (Ohhhhhhh, put THOSE thoughts out of yer mind, Person!) She was always "personal space, personal space!" (Maybe it's one of HER 180s?)
So that kind of thing happens, and I get all conflicted (see @Thinker's discussion in his thread).
And we're acting nice with each other, and smiling, and (follow the links if you want) it's almost like Old Times. And that's hard -- for all the reasons so many DB'ers, and especially (recently) @Thinker, have discussed here. Bill Evans' recording of "My Foolish Heart" can still bring me to my knees. And I still can't -- may never be able to -- listen to what was one of my absolutely favorite tracks, Miles Davis' recording of "My Funny Valentine".
But all of that notwithstanding, I understand that I have to move forward, shark-like, that if I stop I will perish.
So the mojo isn't about denying the Truth. It's about overcoming the Truth. It's about (again, I like the gerund) the Letting Go.
Let me appeal here to our Christian friends. One fine Iraq morning I was chatting with our battalion chaplain in The Smoking Pit, an area we'd set aside for gum-flapping, rag-chewing, spleen-venting, and nicotine-consumption, and Dago Red mentioned that, his beatific nature to the contrary notwithstanding, Jesus didn't seek to die on the cross for the sins of man. On the Mount of Olives before his trial and conviction, he asks that the cup be taken from him but, if not, he'll suck it up and drive on. That's mojo.
Now by no means -- Heathen I may be -- am I comparing myself to Jesus. What I'm suggesting is that this idea, that mojo is about The Overcoming, The Acceptance, is not unique to me.
Person,
Person..