Thanks for that - something clicked when I read it...
I realized that letting go is exactly what I need to do. It is obvious, but I had not seen it because I kept saying "but I am not getting D'd yet. My W is not leaving (yet), so I can't just say 'It's already over'"
What I didn't realize until this mental "click" is that although the M is still alive on life support, that is not what I have to let go of.
I have been holding onto the concept, the belief, in a close, intimate, mutual R that I have always believed existed. But that R died 2 years ago! It's gone! It's already dead!
All that is left is a strained friendship with a woman with whom I happen to share a history, 3 children and a lot of financial responsibilities.
I kept convincing myself that since the M and the friendship still exist that the other part, the romantic R, still exists somewhere as well. I have been holding on to, missing, grasping for, building expectations around the part of the R that is gone! gone! gone!
Let it go!
(Oh, and on a strange note: that "Friend" just called from work and asked me out to dinner tonight... ) ----
Thanks OD and SP!
Last edited by Thinker; 06/04/0906:38 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
The only part I've still struggled with is whether I should still wear my wedding band. I feel naked without it. But if I truly want to detach then I should either move it to my other hand or take it off completely. (W lost her's a few years ago but probably wouldn't be wearing it anyway).
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Insofar as the 1099 goes, have you ever had any problem with "commingling" those funds with your personal funds? For example, I have a dedicated home office -- it's just an office. I understand that I can deduct some percentage of it from my taxes (vis-a-vis, mortgage), along with computers and what-not. Is that feasible with the 1099 strategy, which seems easier, or does that require a separate corporate identity (i.e., d/b/a)?
You can co-mingle funds. Keep all receipts for "business expenses" - computer, office supplies, eating out, etc. You can deduct office area as a % the whole house mortgage, utilities, etc. - but it gets a bit hairy if the office is an integral part of the house and if/when you sell the house you may have to depreciate the cost-basis according to what you have deducted - may not be worth it considering these potential complications. No need of the Dilbert ID. As long as you are operating on a small scale you don't need to get too formal. I'm not a tax guy but I did just this over a period of several years when I was "consulting".
Well this dissolution paperwork is slightly more complicated than it first appeared to be. Apparently I have to sort of counter-sue; on her form, for example, WAW asked that the court give up its power to assign spousal support and that I pay attorneys' fees. Chyeah right! As if! Not! Party on Wayne!
So on mine I have to do the reverse. The kicker is what grounds I choose - I'm toying with checking the "I reject" WAW's claim of irreconcileable differences. In its practical sense it has no effect, but I sort of like the symbolic aspect.
So tired; ran 6.5 miles today. Feeling about a quart low on mojo.
Well you see this is a very instructive lesson - never take your mojo for granted! It must be replenished at regular intervals, and shares with oil a vital characteristic: it is geographically specific. Each person's mojo is inside them and that's the only place it can be found so keeping that in mind is essential.
And just as essential is this - no one can take your mojo without your permission. Now you may not be conscious of the fact that you're giving them permission, but you are.
So, Grasshoppers - focus on your mojo, so that your DB kung-fu can defeat WAS's walkaway powers.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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