Of course, an alternate interpretation might work too, polly.
I think even you would acknowledge that it is possible for one to actually not be bothered by the receipt of divorce paperwork that he knew was coming; to actually have accepted the idea of being divorced; to actually be prepared -- indeed, in many respects eager -- to move on to the next woman (or, preferably, women); and to recognize -- to embrace -- the reality that NOTHING will bring a Walkaway back except Walkaway's own choice and that one has NO POWER WHATSOEVER over Walkaway's choices.
And that it is possible that all of these things are indeed the "lessons" to which you refer.
I look at it this way -- if I considered my spouse to be an enemy or a b*tch or an a**hole for leaving me, why would I want to waste a moment's time or energy pining away for her or him? Every hour, every minute, every second I spend thinking about my enemy is an hour, a minute, a second that I'm closer to the grave. Is that really the best use of my time? Give it a rest, already. Let it go. Embrace the Spiers Doctrine:
"You know why you hid in that ditch, Blithe? You hid in that ditch because you think there's still hope. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier should function."
WAW is going out-of-town this weekend (another of her can't-take-the-stress escapes, though the stress is entirely self-generated [guilt re: the kids, I suspect]). So we're down to two weekends left of co-habitation -- 12-14, which is the weekend of Kid D-bomb (and, coincidentally, the "anniversary" of my D-bomb) -- and the weekend that follows. After that she's "on her own," as she likes to say.
The list of things to be done in the next 14 or so lengthens by the minute. WAW has already changed her address on the (her) bills and etc.; got utilities going; is getting the cable and the internet set up on the 9th (when she wants me to pay a visit to her new home -- oh, by the way, could you "show me" [WAW-speak for "could you do"] how to connect the WiFi?); bought beds for the kids; and is getting the painters in. She'll take the kids shopping for bed linens and paint colors for their bedrooms next weekend, and they'll start helping her move in so that they get used to the idea.
On my end I've started budget record-keeping and now need to (a) clean this pigsty of an office and (b) start working a more robust time-management program -- way behind on 3 projects that need attention. Agenda for this coming WAW-free weekend is to get the garage cleaned out to help WAW get her things loaded on the truck and to sort out what stays, what goes, and what goes into a dumpster. Which reminds me -- need to call to have a dumpster delivered.
The kids and I are going to the hardware store today to look at paint samples. I'll start with their rooms, then the family room and kitchen. I think come fall I'll re-do the office.
Big question is what to do with the living room now that Herself is taking all the furniture out? Pool tables are expensive and S9 would like nothing more than to destroy the felt. Air hockey? Ping pong? Not pressing, but fun to think about.
Ran into Hot Mom at school yesterday. Hmmmmmm. Might be possibilities.
Apparently I have a new ally in the divorce-busting campaign -- WAW's Divorced BFF. Initially (Thread 1 or 2) I suspected DBFF of being Enabling Girlfriend, but as it happens EG turned out to be a co-worker. DBFF has come up in several convos recently -- always introduced by WAW -- in terms of discussing how much she loves me (in the non-"love" sense of the term, obviously) and how happy she'd be if WAW and I reconciled. Last night the subject was DBFF's phone call reporting a dream she had that Herself and I got back together.
All very curious indeed. WAW has mentioned the "getting back together" and/or Retrouvaille concept at least a half-dozen times since last weekend. I think the Looming Reality of her move-out is really...um...looming. D*mn -- ran out of adjectives!
One of my GAL activities is to start freelancing as a writer/editor to earn some extra buckskies and because it's something I always wanted to do and never had the courage to do (though WAW, to her credit, always encouraged it).
I know some of the DB'ers are small business-folk, so my random query (better directed to a lawyer, I know) is this: What's up with d/b/a? Separate checking account? Separate credit card? Etc.
(Yes, I know it seems incongruous -- how could someone who writes books not have the courage to freelance? Different game, different rules. Professional writing -- that is, writing for my profession -- I "get." Just hanging it out there isWAS scary.)
In no way is this form letter a form letter generated by a form letter generator to (circle one) [dissolution respondents / petitioners / felons / assorted miscreants]. We are here to [help / assist / oversee / pursue] you in your time of trouble. We will gladly [counter-sue / appeal / drain your bank account] during this, your hour of need....
Here's something I can actually help you with, instead of the usual, casual zingers and off-the-cuff humor!!
I've done a ton of this kind of stuff (call it contract work, freelancing, etc...).
I've done it two ways; under a d/b/a, and just being paid as a 1099 personally. The d/b/a situation was (mostly) me working with another person on a project, contracted by a company, but it was sometimes me working independently on a project, contracted by a company. The 1099 work was always me working dependently on a project, contracted by a company.
When we did the contract work under a d/b/a, we had a separate d/b/s checking account and credit card, and filed separate tax returns. When I did it as a 1099, I did NOT have a separate checking account or credit card, as it was personal income and personal expenditures (as they relate to the project).
It's funny, I can't balance a family checkbook, but I will ALWAYS (ok, maybe not ALWAYS) be right when it comes to business income, expenditures, etc... It's very important, BEFORE you accept any work (or solicit any, for that matter), to have your "freelance template of tools" ready (ie, proposal form, e-letterhead, blank invoice, maybe even a "placeholder" web-site, etc...), as it just pulls everything together, and makes you a package, not just a contracted vendor. Contracted vendors tend to come and go often, whereas a package makes you real.
My input! Any questions... just ask!
I've done really well with this.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
@mindblank, you're a dream! Insofar as the 1099 goes, have you ever had any problem with "commingling" those funds with your personal funds? For example, I have a dedicated home office -- it's just an office. I understand that I can deduct some percentage of it from my taxes (vis-a-vis, mortgage), along with computers and what-not. Is that feasible with the 1099 strategy, which seems easier, or does that require a separate corporate identity (i.e., d/b/a)?
And by the way -- your casual, off-the-cuff zingers and what-not ALWAYS help!
Thank you for your recent [LMFAO / WTF / 2x4]. We here at Smiley's Person are always [glad / reluctant / annoyed] to hear from [posters / DB'ers / Walkaways / bored guys in Florida]. Please be assured we will give your comments [due attention / serious thought / to the dog].
I'll ask H about the dedicated home office w/my 1099 situation vs. as a d/b/a, as he has a dedicated home office, as well (w/a d/b/a), and he handles the tax stuff! Our tax guy may be calling me this am, as well. If so, I'll ask him directly.
One thing that sticks out in my mind re: dedicated home office and taxes, is that it really amounts to pennies saved, in relation to time invested to figure out how much you're saving.
Another thing that sticks out is having to make sure you're not "covering" your home office, services required to run it, ancillary tools, etc... on invoices for the services you're providing. (Seems obvious, but the cross over at one point was more effort to figure out than worth.)
Also, I think (in IL) it cost us a little over $5k to set-up the d/b/a.
More to come as I think of it...
Not sure how I'd get the stuff to you, but I have all of the "templates" I wrote about earlier... No need to recreate the wheel! Just change the names and logos (if appropriate)!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Give it a rest, already. Let it go. Embrace the Spiers Doctrine:
"You know why you hid in that ditch, Blithe? You hid in that ditch because you think there's still hope. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier should function."
Now add some Stockdale:
When Collins asked who didn't make it out, Stockdale replied:
"Oh, that’s easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart."
We're not getting out by Christmas. Deal with it.
and finally
In my earlier years 0.9beta (East Asian studies, Japanese Language) I watched a lot of Kurosawa. One film stuck with me more than any Toshiro Mifune sword-fu, or the epic battle scenes from Ran; a film calld "Ikiru" ("To live").
A hopeless city hall paper-pusher learns he has only months to live. His remaining family has already checked out of his life. His job is a joke. What's left? He dumps the bitter bureaucrat act, and does one good thing with his remaining life. He fights city hall and builds a childrens' playground.
Two scenes are burned in my memory.
The opener: Visual of an xray in a doctor's office with a voice over, "Our story isn't about this man. He's already dead. Our story is about the man he becomes."
Final shot: Kids playing in playground. Our man is sitting on a swing slowly rocking back and forth. Big smile. Tears flowing down his face.
The moral of the story. Once he "died" and lost the bitterness he finally "lived".
--
Seriously. Let it go. "And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function."
Last edited by orangedog; 06/04/0906:21 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
