I remember wondering if I'd ever be able to fall asleep again. Instead of picking up a novel, I cuddled into Divorce Remedy and woke up cuddling it.
When it gets too much, I let myself feel the emotion, that queasy grainy gritty sensation or at times a free fall of overwhelming sorrow. I know I have to feel it but can choose not to let it be the deciding factor in my life. Heck, this is one reason why I'm here. I kept wallowing in a cesspool of my own making!
Instead of holding the anxiety of upsetting sensations I release it with energy, where ever the little voice in my head directs me.. walking the dog in the middle of the night, decluttering and cleaning one small area of the house at time. I've noticed the more I embrace this approach, the more positive rewards it brings.
Now instead of just working to get through it, I find myself singing. "Here comes Santa Claus" seems to be a favorite, "The Prayer to St. Francis" is soothing. I don't know all the words but find that substituting lalala's doesn't change the positive flow.
I am an excellent problem solver and generally hound a problm day and night till it gives up and a solution appears.
Problem is with my wife leaving there is no solution i can do anything about. I think about W children and sitch every waking hour and she dropped bomb 5 months ago.
I'm going mad - i can't work - focus - remenber what happened yesterday e.t.c. I am seldom conscious in the present since my mind is focussing on this problem where there is no rapid solution.
I get four hours sleep and then i begin - re hashing all the ifno i have going round and round.
Good to read this thread and i;ll try straight away to see what works,
i have also - taken dogs for a walk on quiet country road where i can cry and sob with no one around - gone down in remote part of the house (the basement, a far away room) where i can sob and cry if i need to (unfortunately once i thought i was far enough away for H not to hear but he did hear me and came down to see what was going on) - when i have negative thoughts, say to myself 'DON'T THINK DON'T THINK DON'T THINK DON'T THINK' and try to switch to something else in my brain - i found a good effective herbal 'sleepytime' tea and i drink one every evening to ensure that i get some sleep - i have also found that exercise can help me sleep better too - jogging/swimming/riding etc - and i also found very therapeutic to scream insults towards OW when i drive by her house (she lives very close by) - and finally i have started 'journaling' again - recording my thoughts (brain dump style) onto paper to get them out of my head. Hope that some of this helps.
Me49-WAW H46 T25 S17D14S10 Sep.jan08,PA,back Apr08,H PA Dec08,end09 New Thread
I thought I was the only one that noticed all the dam romantic songs Ger. I also noticed that I cant stand to listen to the ones that make me cry anymore, I actually started turning the station when a sad song comes on. My STBXW even told me about a Toby Keith song that reminded her of us. "She never cried in front of me", BooHoo. I just want this pain to stop and be over with already.
Me 42 H 36 S 6 D 4 MO 9/11/08 D filed 9/18/08 OM confirmed 10/24/08
I'm right there with you everhope. I seem to get stuck thinking about us never being a family again and it just kills me. Thats when things just seem to spiral out of control when I get stuck in those thoughts. When I got down last night and got online and started reading forums and that really seemed to help some. Doesnt take the nagging pain and Hole in my soul.
Me 42 H 36 S 6 D 4 MO 9/11/08 D filed 9/18/08 OM confirmed 10/24/08
i have also - taken dogs for a walk on quiet country road where i can cry and sob with no one around
I certainly don't want to make light of anything here, but I have to say that my dog didn't even like being around me when I sobbed and cried. She was with me through thick and thin during H's first A. She would run and hide when I'd start to cry. I'd catch her peeking around the corner at me and then come up to me and try to lick me when I stopped. Like she wanted to say.....I'm here for you, just don't make that horrible noise anymore.
*When I get sad I make myself go get a hug from my D4. I ask her for the biggest, tightest hug she can give me. It takes the pain away for a while. The other night she caught me crying. She patted my back and said....it's okay mama, just settle down. The exact words I use on her.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
These are great suggestions. I called my the OW using my H phone. When she answered she was very happy and over enthusiastic because she though he was calling. It just broke my heart. I wanted to reach through the phone and just grab her so. This stop sign technique will help me to stop thinking about that moment.
GREAT!!! I just used it. Stop!!! Ha Ha! Love it. Need it, will use it.
M = 10.5 years H = 35 W = 39 D = 10 S = 12 SD = 19 Bomb Dropped = 10/27 EA = April
I am an excellent problem solver and generally hound a problm day and night till it gives up and a solution appears.
Problem is with my wife leaving there is no solution i can do anything about. I think about W children and sitch every waking hour and she dropped bomb 5 months ago.
I'm going mad - i can't work - focus - remenber what happened yesterday e.t.c. I am seldom conscious in the present since my mind is focussing on this problem where there is no rapid solution.
I get four hours sleep and then i begin - re hashing all the ifno i have going round and round.
Good to read this thread and i;ll try straight away to see what works,
I'm right there with you everhope. I seem to get stuck thinking about us never being a family again and it just kills me. Thats when things just seem to spiral out of control when I get stuck in those thoughts. When I got down last night and got online and started reading forums and that really seemed to help some. Doesnt take the nagging pain and Hole in my soul.
