So today went to D's tball game W and MIL were there, once again a great outing.
As we're leaving W asks if I know anything about powerwashing she got FIL powerwasher to clean her deck. Told her yes does she need help, she says shes not sure but I'm dressed too nice to help. MIL says I think we need help...Walking to cars after game W asks if I wouldn't mind helping since the directions are complicated, she is probably one of the smartest people I know...So she asks if I can come over and help...She could have easily done this she could have figured this out...it's almost like she's pulling a 180 on me.
SO2...I'm trying not to read anything into this BUT she HATES email and if I had to guess in her life she's sent no more than 10 texts.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
It was great played golf yesterday...I stunk but it was fun.
I had to bite my tongue about something W said last night. I asked if D was going to do Tball tomorrow since it's supposed to rain. She well she made a commitment to it and I want her to live up to her commitments...I guess it's a do as I say not as I do situation but it took everything I had not to say something.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Yeah those are ones we bite our tongues clear off! She probably had no clue what she said either.
Glad you had fun at golf.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Was with W and K's at D's Tball game...I realize that over the past two+ weeks I've been getting a different vibe from W. Hard to explain but it's there and I don't know what to make of it. She's much more open not with anything she says but how she is, she was much more closed...Not sure what to do with this info, but I know it's there and not my imagination.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
One can rationalize anything just as they want to see or hear it... anyway... I suggested before that being on this side of things that it seems your W may be open to working things out and it is all the more reason for you to be sure of what you want. How are the goals going? I am telling you that it makes things easier to tell.
Goals...that's a tough one...I've always been very goal oriented I swam through college always had time goals and knew the training it would take...sales I know what I have to do to reach my goals...my M no idea all the goals I've set I've had control of I know I want m to work but right I can't figure out any short term goals. I have set a deadline and on that day if we are still where were at I'm going to tell her to push this forward or go to mc. It's not that far off.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
What would the steps moving in one direction look like to you and her? More talking? Dinners? Emails? Attitude adjustment? Are you looking at too large a picture? One doesn't just decide to work on the M or go to counseling without some reasons and ideas of what will be worked on MC will ask you the same questions.
When I set goals for the M they were a lot like this: NO drinking, NO arguing, No R talK, Friendly convo, Laughing, having fun activity, respect shown, more listening and less self talking, and so on. Each time we had an encounter I checked off what happened and that way I got to be objective. Early on, things were going positive for three weeks and then they went south. I was sorely dissappointed until I looked at my goals and the checks and saw that this was one night out of three weeks. Put a perspective on the night.
I also recorded firsts - first weekend without conflict, first time he showed interest in my kids, first time he went for counseling, meetings, and church etc.
I know you have been at this for a long time that is why I suggested starting with what were your goals in the beginning? How have they changed? What makes sense now?
Do you want to spend more time together? Date? Talk more? ML? Break the process down into smaller steps.See if this helps.
Do you want to spend more time together? Date? Talk more? ML?
yes, yes, yes, YES!!!
As I've said when we're together it's great no tension we laugh joke talk about our days ect...The problem is we've been S so long I'm not sure what to do next and maybe she isn't either. I want to ask her our but just a month ago she said she couldn't/wouldn't do that without MC and she doesn't want to do MC. It's three weeks since she said she wanted to work on a D agreement, nothings been said or done since(that I know of).
I guess I'm at a loss on what to do. I want more of a R with her at the same time I don't want to lose the "good" I have now with pushing since it hasn't been that long since she said she wanted the D.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Volley -- want to ask her our but just a month ago she said she couldn't/wouldn't do that without MC -- this strikes me as a perfect scenario for a Spy. Do something covert. Surely there's something you two need to discuss, look over, consult on, etc.
Remember the way one used to get a "date" but not a "date date"? Um, I wonder if we might sit down over lunch, and.....?
So create these no-pressure dates-that-aren't-dates, and let her see that the two of you can be "out" "together" without being "together." Maybe that would take off the pressure of being "asked out."
