OK for men with wives having an affair, has OM...

[Sugar and Spice]

Read my thread for the LATEST in DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!

[FightingFit]

I did and I will reiterate to you, Sugar...

please stop right now what your doing. Please do not speak wiht the OW anymore and PLEASE listen to me

ALL OWS HAVE A SAD STORY. mostly its true.

are you going to let that F*** up YOU more than you have been already???????? let her problems be HERS nor yours.!!! I dont care what he did or said, everyone KNOWS a man (or woman!) who cheats is a LIAR! this isnt NEWS TO YOU, the only NEWS is how he DID IT! is that something you REALLY needed to KNOW

her own sorry story is hers. I AM SURE shes not a horrible person.. most OP's arent. but that does not mean you become their FRIEND. shes not your FRIEND. ok? shes going to be ANGRY and shes going to REVENGE FUELED and she is going to USE you to do that [censored].

please stop... its YOUR rl with DH your looking at not HER relationship with your H! her crap is hers! let her find sympathy in HER friends...! please...

your m has no hope whatsoever if you have any kind of actual RELASTIONSHIP with OW. and OW doesnt think HER relationship with YOUR HUSBAND IS OVER.

its called "CAUSING TROUBLE"

get out get out get out

do NOT talk to the OW about her R with YOUR HUSBAND, ever again. its one thing to speak to them to find out what the agenda is or whats real. ITS ANOTHER to gang bang with them and have SHARED angst.

her angst is not even DESERVED!

stuFF HER///!!!!!!

i want you to seriously forget her. and never contact her again. and i hope you will see the seriousness of what i say. you will NEVER reconnect with your H ever again, with her telling you how things are....

WHAT a trouble maker, so OW like. YOU KNOW BETTER, change your damn cell phone woman! who CARES what happened with HER.

[blindsided1]

FF- I agreed with you on her thread...definitely. She's walking up a very slippery slope. I just want you to know that I stumbled upon your thread yesterday and read it. It was a good read. An interesting read. It helped. Thank you.

[blindsided1]

FF- I agreed with you on her thread...definitely. She's walking up a very slippery slope. I just want you to know that I stumbled upon your thread yesterday and read it. It was a good read. An interesting read. It helped. Thank you.

[pauld2100]

Flight

I have read your input and it is really so true about what I know about my EX. The problem for me is she is not hiding anything and has openly allowed people she works with to "help" her find a new guy. So far that is all she has found guys that want one thing... then there gone! She wont talk to me except for little things and really doesnt contact me much at all. I have tried it all NC moving things out of the house but to no avail! I have decided to call it off completly and may tell her the same thing your H did. She has also let the kids and her family get into it also and has made me out to be all bad... I have had enough and I will be moving out soon... I am not doing this as an LRT because she openly has talked OP/OM right in front of me.. no guilt what so ever...
It is hard to believe what she is doing and is not even like a stranger more like a hating machine... Thanks for the insight...

[pauld2100]

Flight

I have read your input and it is really so true about what I know about my EX. The problem for me is she is not hiding anything and has openly allowed people she works with to "help" her find a new guy. So far that is all she has found guys that want one thing... then there gone! She wont talk to me except for little things and really doesnt contact me much at all. I have tried it all NC moving things out of the house but to no avail! I have decided to call it off completly and may tell her the same thing your H did. She has also let the kids and her family get into it also and has made me out to be all bad... I have had enough and I will be moving out soon... I am not doing this as an LRT because she openly has talked OP/OM right in front of me.. no guilt what so ever...
It is hard to believe what she is doing and is not even like a stranger more like a hating machine... Thanks for the insight...

[FightingFit]

Paul, your exactly right, you can only be forgiving and hopeful up to a point most of us have our "cant look back now" place. Its usually a lot further down the road that we think it is, but it does exist. for me it was definitely when H brought his OW to this country behind everyones backs and had her living with him all the while telling others I kept his kids from him. He wouldnt even tell me where he LIVED, but he forgot to tell people THAT part.... convenient

for me that was the "last straw" and I really had a cold reality check that this man thought nothing of me, it was over. sick or not, depressed or not, he went "too far". if your spouse goes TOO FAR, then even tho you still love them a lot and still feel erally sad and have a lot of hope, its probably not ever going to work, bc you cant get past the "too far" thing. you can forgive up to a POINT, and then theres the point of no return... I think the hardest part is realising when you have hit it... thats when a lot of real anger and sadness and depression comes in... and it stays for a long time too... im not sure how long yet, I'll let you know when mines over! I think ive been in that place of "no return" for the past 12 months. Horrible place to be; your emotions are all over the shop. you cant say how you'll feel from one day to the next, except it'll suck.

I guess all you can do really at that point is to decide not to become a "hating machine" like they are to you, bc its aroun that time you think "i'll get you". it really is. thats when you get as reckless as they are and can you say war of the roses? if you can keep your head during this time and not let the hurt and sadness turn you into a nasty monster, you can be proud of that. just bc they hurt us doesnt mean we need to hurt back (I say this in hindsight bc actually I went ballistic). but i dont recommend it...

[pauld2100]

well I have made a ton of mistakes. She has a friend that has dragged her into divorce! This "friend" has been in one for over 2 years andmy ex has talk me down to almost everyone, I think partly cause she thought she was loosing me before we split but she was wrong and no one can tell her otherwise.
Completely blinded and thinks I am only doing things for me.
If that was true I wouldn't want to be with her kids and love them as I do, so far she has had at least 3 failers with OP and one didn't even want to meet the kids!!! All the while knowing that I was a commited stepdad! If thats not enough of a wake up call then what else could be... This was her choise.

Also she does these little feelings checks with me and I will not allow that anymore. I don't think she really cares, and I think she misses me, I am the only one who has ever loved her the way she like to be and maybe fighting that everyday so enough is enough for me, she has let her out of control feelings run everything, I can't save her or the kids at this point she will not have it.
I don't know how she will take it but I have not contacted her for anything again for another 2 weeks and have to get out. I think she knows something is comming. Sad thing is I see she has things in our room cards from me notes I have left for her, she doesn't remove them but has them placed around the room!!??!?! She can't be any kind of friend and I wish I could be that in hopes of being the better choise but so far I have proven over and over that I am and she still continues the BS.
I won't make a threat I am simply going to leave, I may leave a note explaining that I don't want to see her at all. after I move. The kids have been so hurt by her actions and grabs at anything to place the blame. They will pay the most! I will try and keep them a part but will ony do that through someone else as well. No need for he to know about me anymore, she has not shown that she cares to anyway....

[pauld2100]

well I have made a ton of mistakes. She has a friend that has dragged her into divorce! This "friend" has been in one for over 2 years and my ex has talk me down to almost everyone, I think partly cause she thought she was loosing me before we split but she was wrong and no one can tell her otherwise.
Completely blinded and thinks I am only doing things for me.
If that was true I wouldn't want to be with her kids and love them as I do, so far she has had at least 3 failers with OP and one didn't even want to meet the kids!!! All the while knowing that I was a commited stepdad! If thats not enough of a wake up call then what else could be... This was her choise.

Also she does these little feelings checks with me and I will not allow that anymore. I don't think she really cares, and I think she misses me, I am the only one who has ever loved her the way she like to be and maybe fighting that everyday so enough is enough for me, she has let her out of control feelings run everything, I can't save her or the kids at this point she will not have it.
I don't know how she will take it but I have not contacted her for anything again for another 2 weeks and have to get out. I think she knows something is comming. Sad thing is I see she has things in our room cards from me notes I have left for her, she doesn't remove them but has them placed around the room!!??!?! She can't be any kind of friend and I wish I could be that in hopes of being the better choise but so far I have proven over and over that I am and she still continues the BS.
I won't make a threat I am simply going to leave, I may leave a note explaining that I don't want to see her at all. after I move. The kids have been so hurt by her actions and grabs at anything to place the blame. They will pay the most! I will try and keep them a part but will ony do that through someone else as well. No need for he to know about me anymore, she has not shown that she cares to anyway....

[pauld2100]

One other thing (I know I type allot!) is I haven't reached that point yet I think she has. She says so many off the wall things and says she has fogiven me but clearly won't forget!
I have simply been neutral and sometimes have pressured her. I did to much of that and can't go back and do what I should have.
Her to late idea is all she cares about every mistake I have made and that it will never change, on my side I have forgiven so many times that I look like a fool. Not that I care what others think, she has said "don't let others tell me what I should do!" That just blows me away as she does everything her friends advise her to do!
I don't know if she will ever hit the reality of this mess...
If she does the chance of me being there is dwindling so fast...
I have forgiven and can but I have never seen her so determined to self destruct, and she knows it and can't understand why...
Her past is a big key, her teens something had to happen. She will destroy anyone that truly loves her without even knowing why.. With the way she has been acting it's like she thinks shes back in high school chasing guys with the other divorcee women, immaturity at it's best!