thank you. it is extremely hard when i really thought the worst was behind us.
i only want to call him. but why? i know not to, i know to let go.
but as the drama wears off, i want my husband back.
im used to him being here now, and of course he did not come home last night.
i know this has to be it, but i dont think either one of us knows how to really say goodbye.
i guess i will see what goes on today.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Keep busy. Make plans for today and find some down time to enjoy a good book, movie or a walk.
Do not call him. If he wants to talk to you, he will contact you himself. If he's ready to move out, he will find a way to do it, i.e., either he'll pack his bags and go; pick a fight w/you to justify his leaving; or he'll make life so insufferable that you'll open the door and kick him out. Until then, don't assume anything. You'll definitely know when it's time for him to go.
Leave each day as it comes and do not assume anything...life is far too short for that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
its hard for me to keep my posts up when im mostly posting under infidelity.
im a mess. i have to learn to let go and i just dont want to.
husband hasnt been sleeping home. he claims he called his lawyer to move forward.
but nothing is ever done with us.
tell me why hecomes here yesterday as if its still his house, the place he "doesnt want to be"
his shoes are sitting by the door. why didnt he take them?
i am trying not to text him, email or call. but its such a fast switch for me, im having trouble.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
It's okay not to keep your posting up all of the time. You have to decide which forum is the right one for you.
As for your h coming to home and thinking it's still home to him...well....he's in crisis. People in mlc do this. The shoes by the door doesn't surprise me at all. Are most of his clothes still there? Tools, sports equipment, etc?
Some will claim that they've done things, but it's only been in their minds. Others will move out on what they say they will do. If he's seen a lawyer and begins proceedings, he could very well drag it out, costing a lot of money, and not doing the work. This is where it gets frustrating and expensive, i.e., them dragging their feet. Oh, if he does, he'll say that you are the one dragging your feet.
Until you know something for sure, go on w/your life. He's depressed and it sounds like he's not a very happy camper these days.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
i really want to reach out to you, you seem so much like me... there is no hard and fast answers, you can only do what feels right to you...
try to be a bit more forgiving of yourself. I think you are very hard on yourself, cuz I am. its ok to be a loving person. you arent weak. your amazing. its ok to be confused. its perfectly acceptable to feel in pain. i wish I could be of more help to you. your strong enough to work this all out on your own, i am only offering words to help you with yourself.
try to just concentrate on you and what feels right to do. try to detach a bit from hateful vengeful feelings; but to instead think of what you would like to remember, for yourself, LONG TERM thru all this, if it fails or not. if you have the urge to do something or say something yu know wont shame you or make you feel bad later,thats ok ... but give it real thought and consieration (cuz I never did!) if you know yuo can live with it forever then its ok. but i do mean FOREVER.
i think your doing a great job under great duress. and I think you will be alright. you just have to believe in yourself a bit more. this is your life and you know whats right for you. you know it down inside. trust yourself more. ask youtself the relevant questions and if they greenlight then do it. bc I ignored all the redlights... so dont do that.
if you orange or red light, then dont do or say it. if someone had told me once to do just simply THAT, my life would be different. but no one did!
your doing wonderfully.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
he filed a year ago and that same day we decided not to move forward.
he came home a couple of months ago, we opened the business and then i wanted the action dismissed and he wouldnt.
all of his stuff is here. its been here all along. almost 3 years. u would never have known he wasnt here. full closet, full dressers, full garage.
even last year, when things were the ugliest and he took some clothes to move back out, he left his precious little alarm clock by the bed, which was the one thing he did take the first time.
so now the shoes by the door. it keeps me hanging on.
but this is a mess now because of the business. it will have to shut down, i cant give him money for it if we are splitting and i cant because he is spending on her.
uhh. her. i despise her. if u check my thread, u will see i spoke to her the other day, she called. i told her how it is, the truth that she has been missing. who knows what she made of it.
i know when i here from my lawyer, i will drag it out, i will tell him dont respond to anything until the last day possible.
i dont want this.
my friends think im crazy, look what he has done.
but i dont want this.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
your in crisis right now. you are in a really bad place, and your reaching out which is great.
note that you say you despise her, but you had contact with her. this isnt healthy. it does your head in, and your struggling enough. you need to be kinder to yourself.
im lucky, the OW was never game enough to give me more than one single sentence (but i do remember that one single sentence). but her parents have spoken up for her enough. it didnt do me any good it done me so much damage. it hurt me and it continues to hurt me.
OPS ... dont talk to them. if you have to just to ascertain where you are then fine. but after that, forget em. they arent on your page .... its only a complete MIND *censored*
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
What you have described is typical behavior of a mlcer. I packed up my xh's stuff, gave him a deadline to come pick it up and we went from there. It's difficult walking around looking at his stuff all over the place. It's like they walk out of one life into a new universe and leave everything behind.
What are you going to do about the business? Shut it down or attempt to keep it going?
I hate to say it, but your h has all of the signs of a typical mlcer who is depressed. Just remember, if you drag it out, it's going to be expensive. I did that as long as I could and it was quite expensive with the lettes and calls going back and forth with the lawyers. You may need to start thinking with your head and not your heart for your assets and finances are going up in smoke. I know you don't want this, but you've got to protect yourself financially and you can't do it if you allow your heart to rule your thinking....look at the business as a business deal and not a tie to your h....okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
the business will shut down, we will try to sell it. its so unfortunate, we only opened 5 weeks ago.
thats why his sudden change once again is hard to fathom.
my mother in law said she is going to try to talk to him today, to see if its not too late.
its one thing with our marriage, which never seems to end, the business isnt as flexible.
the legal stuff will move along i guess, but i still wont let my lawyer respond to things before he has to, just to slow it down.
the ow is not a citizen, she is looking for him to marry her for her status.
i will not let that happen so fast, and i will only give him a separation.
i was doing ok this morning until i put the clothes in the dryer and saw his shirt. its just so hard. i finally had him back.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
i went into the store because i needed to pick up and fill out some papers for our health insurance.
he was in a terrible mood, most likely because of the business, but either way, terrible terrible grouchy mood.
i can only hope he behaves that way for the ow.
all i want is for her to leave him and meet someone nice for herself.
i dont wish harm, just that she should leave him!
i hate that he can tornado his way through my life and my families' life, come and go, go and come, and then lie his way back to her.
talk about a man in crisis.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
