True Love or True Fog? Changing Forums

[happynow]

Silver Fox,

I'm glad your H responded so nicely but beware! I don't know if he is like my ex or not but my ex would be really nice to me when he wanted something. Then when I wouldn't give in to what he wanted in the D, he would get mad. So, I just wanted you to go to that meeting with an open mind & be prepared, mine was good at sweet talking but I knew him so I knew what he was up to.

Good luck!

(((HUGS))))

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, SF,
I have no wisdom to impart about legal stuff (no experience to back it up), but just wanted to stop by and tell you hello and say that I'm reading along. I guess my only suggestion is to keep your mental armor on, because these MLCers can really blow hot and cold sometimes, and they're really confused so you really can't predict or interpret very well. In DR, MWD says to pay no attention to what your MLCer says, and only half of what he does (or is that the other way around?), but basically I think you have to take everything they say and do with a whole barrel of salt, and just assume they're blowing smoke unless you see them back it up with long-term consistent behavior.

Take care of yourself.

Peace,
Dawn

[Flicka]

Oh Friend Fox, I never figured him out.. He is British and from the 60's, like me. He is a serial adulterer, but occasionally got married. I was number three. I laugh at him and wait him out. His family loves me and I love them. Still.

He runs amok, and I used to get frantic. We lost a house and a lot of money. That caused a serious glitch. For me and for him. I mind being homeless. Now I just wait him out. Back he comes, like a yo-yo. Let's walk the doggie... Around the world! Clunk!

Money is what matters to my guy. I am living in a holding pattern with other family problems. I wake up earlier and earlier to read from my tower of self help "novels". Pema Chodron is most helpful. I am a wayward Lutheran who became Buddhist. Or the perfect db-er. Let go of attachments, is the refrain. It works.

I have been to marital hell and back this week. I dared to challenge my H's distance and disinterest and he fried me with a plan for divorce. He recanted. We are already divorced, really. He lives outwest but sends money to prop me up. I work and afford him insurance so he can be self employed. He almost is. He is identured to some icky dairy co-op.

This is birthday week for both him and me. He is abandoning his little boring cat family to come 'home' for dentistry. He is going to be here two whole days. He returns just often enough to keep me off balance. I do still want him to come home. I am not in the mood to start over. Unless I can move to Minneapolis and then live in the eclectic Uptown district where Prince lives and sometimes prances. H and I used to live up there and hang out.So fun.

I still admire how you shut down when your H launched. I think you saved yourself...

[Silver Fox]

Thanks for your support NLT,

My H has been fairly "nice" this whole 2 years. In fact, exactly one year ago he wined and dined me (I foolishly thought my DBing was working) and then on the way home told me he was going to file the next week - say what?

But I do think perhaps my new found strength will throw him - and I'm prepared for anger when I tell him what I expect out of this D.

Dawn - You wouldn't believe how much smoke my H has blown And his long-term consistent behavior? Well, 2 years of total enmeshment in OW's life - nursing her through surgery, taking care of her 12 cats, spending time with her family (including Christmas), putting $20,000 on credit cards (his thank goodness), giving up his beloved hobbies and dogs, distancing himself from his mother and sister, and oh yeah - his callous disregard for my well being - pretty much sums it up. I finally get it.

But another thought - he said from the beginning he wanted to start a "new chapter". Then he switched to a "fresh start".

Well, he's been playing house with Catbitch for 2 years now. I think the "fresh start" is not so fresh anymore wouldn't you say?
He's in an established relationship. Surely the honeymoon period is about over.

I do believe it's my turn for that "fresh start".

[Silver Fox]

Wow Flicka,

We seem to post over each other every night! So your H is a Yo-Yo. And a British accent! I would have fallen in love too.

So fire back with another D plan until he gets it. Sounds like he enjoys keeping you off balance.

I think you're also in need of a "fresh start".

I like Pema too and "Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart". Also check out "Emotional Intelligence". If your H is highly intellectual like mine is, it will explain why he's emotionally stupid.

Happy Birthday week!

[Flicka]

Oh Friend Fox, I never figured him out.. He is British and from the 60's, like me. He is a serial adulterer, but occasionally got married. I was number three. I laugh at him and wait him out. His family loves me and I love them. Still.

He runs amok, and I used to get frantic. We lost a house and a lot of money. That caused a serious glitch. For me and for him. I mind being homeless. Now I just wait him out. Back he comes, like a yo-yo. Let's walk the doggie... Around the world! Clunk!

Money is what matters to my guy. I am living in a holding pattern with other family problems. I wake up earlier and earlier to read from my tower of self help "novels". Pema Chodron is most helpful. I am a wayward Lutheran who became Buddhist. Or the perfect db-er. Let go of attachments, is the refrain. It works.

I have been to marital hell and back this week. I dared to challenge my H's distance and disinterest and he fried me with a plan for divorce. He recanted. We are already divorced, really. He lives outwest but sends money to prop me up. I work and afford him insurance so he can be self employed. He almost is. He is identured to some icky dairy co-op.

This is birthday week for both him and me. He is abandoning his little boring cat family to come 'home' for dentistry. He is going to be here two whole days. He returns just often enough to keep me off balance. I do still want him to come home. I am not in the mood to start over. Unless I can move to Minneapolis and then live in the eclectic Uptown district where Prince lives and sometimes prances. H and I used to live up there and hang out.So fun.

I still admire how you shut down when your H launched. I think you saved yourself...

[Flicka]

We will keep cross posting {posting while cross} and then we will resubmit incase anyone missed it all. I did not mean to do that. Hopefully, everybody will miss most.

Let's look forward. I did reconsider my big plan during this last fire fight. I checked out of the troubles very fast and then considered summer.

I plan to sunbathe. I have red hair and I want new bright freckles. I am old enough that I can outrun skin cancer.

Please keep your poise. I barely do. I react too much and then regret. But I 'watch' myself being awful. That is something, don't you think?

[Silver Fox]

Oh no, no, no, no, no!! These new "upgrades" will never do! It's too busy and cluttered. Too much to read and sort through.
Not to mention the double, double posts and sometimes triple, triple, triple posts.

I can't find anyone's thread. Please at least put the thread owner's name under the forum title.

There are enough changes going on in my life right now! Not this too!!

Is it just me?

[Flicka]

Same. My H is a talented prick. He just gets distracted... for years in a row. He is so fricken creative, in small contexts and big... he goes awry.

So I must extricate me from him.... or not. He gets that I know him. He is home for a fractured moment tomorrow.. another fire fight or just another laugh and goodbye. That is what is we have learned to do.

Did you condo shop? You should find your next place...

[kassie]

Silverfox I am with you on the change thing - I was upset and started to withdraw - can't take anymore change... what were they thinking? Has anyone noticed that there isn't any privacy either.