Congrats on the 2nd Chance! Keep in mind this is a completely new relationship and you'll have to continue to stick to the boundaries you've set up for yourself while you two were apart. Don't forget those, or the time you were away will be meaningless.
Also, you have a big psychological hurdle to climb concerning the ghosts of Helen. She'll be in your thoughts as long as you allow her to be there. I'm quite sure it is an easy thing for me to "tell" you to do and I still struggle at times w/XW's "men" (i.e. the Snake, and the apartment complex guy) when I see her b/c it makes me sad and angry at the same time.
However, I'm able to move past it in mere minutes (sometimes seconds even), so it doesn't weigh me down. That said, I'm also never getting back w/her, so I'm in a bit of a different world than you are.
Regardless, she'll only be as powerful in your new R as you let her. BF has guilt over it, that is plain from your posts. When you are ready to completely forgive him and her, you'll know it.
Remember, forgiveness is for yourself, not for others.
Good going. Keep your head up and eyes wide open! Still make him chase you a bit. It is good for him to put forth the effort this time around.
RTL PS - Ignore anything you'd like to in my posts. As always, just playing Devil's advocate and trying to get you to think about all possibilities. Never intending to be a downer, my dear.
Thankyou Mish! And Rob! I havent thought about her much at all (until just now).. it really is just the sex side of things that worries me!! What they got up to. And thats a very difficult subject to discuss right now, if ever. As for feeling angry, I must be a freak, because I have none at all! And as for forgiveness, I already told him I forgive him and I do mostly. That doesnt mean I still dont want to understand what happened, want answers and need some reassurance at some point.
Well.. I finally did it.. after the weekend we had I decided it was probably ok to phone him, so I did! He talked to me for around 4 minutes after which I could tell he was distracted and said..do you need to go, or talk to me later?? He said... "Yes, can I call you later? Its just that Lethal Weapon 4 is on tele, well, I've seen it loads of times, but me and J were watching it and I havent seen him since Saturday..."
So.. I finally called his house just for a chat (first time for..um, ever??) and I get ditched for Lethal Weapon 4. I assume he hasnt gone off me and just really wants to watch a rubbish man film with his mate.
I had assumed that they are no longer in contact, but guess they could be, or she could want answers from him, or be struggling, or just want to be friends? They were together since last August, but at the moment, I have no way of knowing. Perhaps I should ask him if they are still in contact!!?? Or, um, perhaps not just yet.
Hey K.. wow, I dont know what happened there! Added something and did it twice !! I am very very tired. No.. the book didnt arrive It must have got stolen?
I just checked my email from today and Cher had told me, apparently bf told G yesterday that we are "back together properly". Wow!!! He hasnt told me that, but then I always seemed to be the last to hear !!!!
Nothing like someone else telling you what is going on in your life!! I've been there but in regards to the divorce. Let's hope just wonderful things happen from here on out!
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Kat, thankyou... its nice that people are rooting for me.
I called him last night at 9.30, he made embarressed apologies for not calling me (there was no need) said he didnt play football till nearly 8 then got in late and had only just finished eating. He called me back after 11..but we didnt talk for long, he was tired and yawning loads and said, he hadnt finished eating till 8.30.. then corrected himself and said, later when I got in. It all seemed a bit strange.
A little part of me thought, I wonder if he had a visitor and called me back after they left? I dont think for one minute he is still interested in Helen, or that he would do anything even if they were still in contact (and thats without him telling me he loved me). I dont mistrust him in that way.. but I do still feel mistrustful that he is telling me truths or not. He seems to be letting me back in, but there is some way to go.
It just highlights that he has told a lot of lies since he left and concealed alot of things and I still dont feel sure of my place in his life, with it being such early days and so much still to discuss at some point.
..but K was right.. he didnt come back for M, or kids, or religious vows, he came back purely for me, of for love, I think. My intuition always told me he would. You have to listen to what your intuition is trying to tell you..its your inbuilt protection. If you feel something is not 'right', it probably isnt, if you feel something is likely to be ok, it most likely will be.
I still want to find out more about the time we were apart and how he felt and post here for others.
Morning Al, I am sending you another book. It's not the "5 people you meet in heaven anymore", it is "kama sutra in 69 pages". I think it seems you need that more (your insecurities)... LOL!! xxxx K
How is your college work going? Dont over analyse everything at the moment. You will have time for that. Focus on your work, enjoy the moments and when you have more free time in your hands, you can think all you want (OMG, I cant believe I said that!!!)
Glad that you are sounding good. Intuition is a strong thing and even when you try to ignore it, it seems to come back even stronger. Keep having faith and working for what you want. Today is supposed to be some awesome day spiritually...let's see.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It must have got stolen?