Hey K! Gosh I am tired. Happy tired, but.. shattered!!
"What on earth were you thinking crying over a girl he talked to in front of you? Is this what you want to come across like?" - no this is why I posted it.. exactly as you say, it was BAD! The reason was.. it was the end of the night and I was drunk unfortunately!!! Sunday I only had 2 halves of lager and he didnt have much, but Saturday night was a bit of a party. So I couldnt help it at the time and was extremely worried about my reaction. No damage was done, but it was a wake up call. I have to work on being secure and confident, as he had to after my EA/PA. Its the s*xual attraction thing..he felt that for Helen I am sure, before he left me.. thats where my insecurities lie at present so I am going to work on that. But yes, wow, he really did alot didnt he, way more than I expected.. we started with a bang and its all been very lovely and exciting. MF said to us that we both seemed so calm and he had never seen us looking so happy.
His explanation was very pathetic wasnt it! I'm looking forward to discussing that one again sometime!
About the Piscean.. maybe yes, but my Mum thinks it was that party I went to till 7am... because he was obviously shocked and worried when I told him about it and immediately said "who were you with till 7am?". So my Mum thinks that it made him realise if he didnt move soon, it might be too late. But yes, I had let go and was enjoying my freedom at that point and I guess, like happened with you.. they notice when you finally do that and detach and accept their decision.
It works every damn time. I wish I could tell this to all newcomers. If a sitch has any hope, it will happen when the LBS finally accepts they are gone. FG repeated that all the time. The same happened to him...
Yes I agree..But it can only happen when we are ready! It also happened around the time we met and I gave him that speech (I guess it was a Dobson thing)..where I said I forgave him and I loved him, but if he wants to be with her and he was happy, then I accept it and will take friendship if thats all he has to offer, but he had to let me know as I couldnt go on anymore. He then said, he had to man up, grow some balls and make a decision and asked for some more time. So perhaps it was that also?
The nightie? Well I'm not talking flanelette, lol, it was real silk and very pretty as well as a bit saucy, as we say in the UK. And yes, he noticed my new underwear sets and actually complimented me on them !!
I am glad you are having a good time reuniting with your BF....but most of all I am very glad to hear he is opening up and talking to you.
So many times the WAS wants to come back and sweep what happened under the carpet which isn't healthy. It takes too people communicating to make a success of a R, so however 'pathetic' or garbled his explanations may sound at times, it is great that in his own way he is trying to explain it.
From my experience, you will learn more and more over time and sometimes these things will hurt and make you feel low. But those feelings pass and things just get better and better.
Hopefully you will form an even stronger bond than you had before.
BTW, I would expect tears at times when you least expect it......I know I would suddenly get hit with a jealousy that he had done this or that with OW or shared this or that moment with her. I felt she had stolen some shared experiences from us...so still allow yourself to grieve for the 'lost' time.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Ali, I'm so glad that you are getting a second chance! All the cautions are valid, but I won't beat you over the head with them (unless it becomes necessary). You have a NEW R with some elements of the old.
On your getting teary...I'm wondering if it might just be in your best interests to avoid alcohol when you are around him, at least for a while. I'm a teetotaler, so I don't really know a lot about this from personal experience, but I know that alcohol loosens self-control, and one thing that is necessary for DBing is self-control. Something to consider, anyway.
Hope you don't abandon those of us still stuck in ruts over in the MLC forum! I have been posting the last few days about something that I'd like to get DB feedback on, and have had NO responses...?!?
Take care and hope your final countdown on your projects is going well!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
I agree with DoH. I was thinking about that last night. Cut back on the booze. I dont care if he drinks and everybody drinks. If he/they think you are boring, well, you know better!! That's something we would do at 15, trying to follow the group's behavior... K
Hey Saffie, thanks for your thoughts. I feel ok about her as I know he didnt love her. But yes, there is a lot to mine through yet. She stole Christmas from me and my birthday and our 10 year anniversary!! Because of working with her and staying with her for longer. I did only tear up for a second and by the time he let go after hugging me, I had taken a deep breath and was smiling again and carried on chatting as though it hadnt happened. He's probably forgotton about it. He texted me just now to see how I was, so continues to be pretty keen!! I had no intentions of contacting him today.
I snooped in his bedroom and the only evidence I found of her was.. boxes of condoms!! Which upset me initially, but then I just felt relieved. He is a sensible guy and I knew he wouldnt have wanted to take any risks with her. Still, not nice hey. I am sure he will be willing to talk to me about these things, he already has shown willing, which suprised me, but I am so glad! I still worry what they got up to in bed...
Hey Dawn.. I need to catch up with you soon, I am just v busy at college! And Hi K! Yes.. the drink thing, well, it was me that fancied a few glasses after my hard week! I'm way too old to be led astray in that way. He did say to me he knows he is drinking too much. I wouldnt say he was alchoholic, or alchohol dependent even, its just a very sociable lifestyle he has gotton into. All his MF's go to the pub and drink pints. Ok, so its a nice country pub with open fires, or a lovely bar by the seaside, but its still involving alchohol. Its a very British thing and he isnt likely to change, but I expect it to lessen off as we get back together. He didnt drink as much (and never at home) when we were together before, so I'm not overly worried.
I'm not overly worried about anything in fact, I know we have things to work through, but the positives and happy times I can see unfolding before me far outweigh any negatives. I couldnt be happier right now! Although I am dying to ask him a tonne of questions and I would like to post here in case it helps others. Like.. why would he write such strange emails with all the personal pronouns missing and was he aware he was doing it!?? But I know I cant ask things of him yet.. have to tread carefully for now.
Congratulations on your 2nd Chance Ali! It's nice to see one of the "friends" from the "old days" getting the opportunity to start anew with their walk away!!
Good luck with the last stretch to your degree! I look forward to seeing your finished project(s) in the alternate universe!
...having said that.. SHE didnt steal it from me, he did in fact. I am curious as to why it took him so long to come back too, seeing as I think he realised quite early on he had made a mistake.
I forgot to post something he said, which was the most significant of all.. yes, I was glad of his little speech and when he said he realised now what he wanted and he had been wrong..he actually also said I always loved you. I always suspected that he loved me all along, so it was nice to hear that. My RL people say, its like he left you physically, but he never really left you in fact. He left in body, but not in spirit.
HEY! Hi W2G!! Lovely to see you here and thankyou so much.. how are things with you? xxx
You sound like you are ready to take on this challenge and I am rooting for you all the way. I couldn't be happier to see one of my friends here finally getting a chance to build a R with their former....Kudos to you sweetie!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You have a NEW R with some elements of the old.
