Divorce looming #13

[karen43]

I think that your obsessiveness and your outlook indicates that you probably need some kind of medication, at least temporarily. I think you should just focus on that and IC right now. You prob. couldn't have a happy relationship with anyone right now. I may seem unkind in that, but I was there myself in a spot like yours a year or 2 ago. You can do this; you can make changes, but you have to make an appt. with a doctor and C, go, be honest, and willing to work. Karen

[jaguilar]

This feels like that movie with Bill Murray - Groundhog Day.

[PMA_Baby!]

More like "What about Bob!!!"

[volleydog]

Ok. I don't have insurance for counseling right now or meds.

Then GET insurance, you can get an individual policy for about $100/mo. Also there are C's will work with you on a sliding scale based on what you can afford you just have to call around.

[K4D]

Thanks. All I want like yall is to have my W back and my family fixed and together.

Kevin

[PMA_Baby!]

Yaaa but we yall are actually WILLING and ABLE to do the WORK to make it happen instead of just TALKING about doing it.

Remember God helps those who HELP THEMSELVES!!!

[K4D]

I am working at it now that I am on my own. I just hope it is not to late.

Kevin

[K4D]

So my goal is to not say anything to W unless it has to do with the kids and just act like everything is fine and great. Be positive.

GAL. I am trying to do that now.

Try not to worry incessantly about things.

Don't ask for or depend on W for anything.

Read the books that have been suggested to me.

Work on myself, work on myself, work on myself.

Try and plan things each day to occupy myself with.

Reread all the great posts to me by everyone.

I am putting all of this into place.

Please don't give up on me.

I am working on these things.

I am also excercising each night and spending great time with my kids.

Kevin

[25yearsmlc]

all you "want is your wife and family back and" blah blah blah.

Gee Kevin, we had NO IDEA that is what you wanted. We thought you wanted to be a better man. A man worth having a R with, a man who put his d's ahead of his stagnation and wallowing. You are wallowing and it's is almost the longest wallowing I've seen here and that is saying a lot.

Guess what? You cannot have your wife and family like before b/c we don't have time machines...

THey are gone for now. Like from a car accident or trip to Australia. So instead of continually whining about what you cannot have, GET A LIFE without her for once!

Your apparent inability to deal with this REALITY is why we think you need some c and meds. Kevin, you are like a little kid still whining that they can't have gum b/c they are wearing braces now. But you WON"T GET IT. You cannot have her now. THAT IS REALITY. Deal with it. WE ALL DEALT WITH THINGS THAT WERE HARD TO DEAL WITH... AND MANY STILL ARE. So if you cannot cope with reality, you need help we cannot give you. You are still saying the same things (90%) you were saying when this all began. That rate of progress is hurting you, your kids and whatever tiny chance that might exist for a reconciliation.

YOU MUST CHANGE YOURSELF. YOU MUST DO THAT AND ONLY YOU CAN. START WITH NOT REPEATING THE SAME MANTRA OVER AND OVER AGAIN ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND CANNOT HAVE. JUST STOP DOING THAT!. INSTEAD, START SAYING something like

"I TURN THIS M AND MY PAIN AND ANGUISH OVER TO GOD. I TRUST THAT IF THIS M DOES NOT GET REPAIRED, GOD HAS SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND FOR ME AND I WILL LISTEN TO HIM. I ASK GOD TO SHOW ME HOW TO BE THE BEST FATHER AND MAN I CAN BE, AND I WILL WORK TO BECOME THAT MAN AND FATHER. I WILL LEAVE THE RESULTS UP TO HIM."

Then do THAT.
And say nothing NOTHING about your wife. If you cannot manage to even SAY these "mantras" let alone do them, get help asap. There are such things as FREE mental health counselors and you need one. Tell them you have >10 friends who have told you to "get help". I suspect they'll listen.
Heck, call a suicidal hot line if you have to. But Kevin, let me be sooooo clear.....YOU NEED TO GET HELP NOW. We are not getting anywhere close to making a difference in your life, for you to have just posted that all you want is your wife back. Frankly, that wish itself is an unhealthy one.

But I've said that about 25 times now and you just won't listen. You have created a delusion in your mind of what a lovely wonderful M you had that somehow, mysteriously went away...and you just want that heavenly M back, and all you want is that wonderful loving M back and all you want is her and all you want is to be happy with her and all you want is blah blah blah.

Kevin, you are 34 y/o. Isn't a tiny part of you aware of how you sound? Isn't a tiny part of you embarrassed that you claim to be religious but it's only a "tactical" religion designed purely to get your wife to feel guilty enough to return? You have gotten no visible help from it, nothing enriching that you've disclosed here, nothing joyful about God or the love you feel from Him or His Son or any strengthening of faith or insight from God...none of that. Just going to church to get your wife to wake up. That's not faith Kevin. That's manipulation. I'm no Saint nor am I even that well versed in scripture. But I AM helped by God. And I lean on Him every day. And I thank GOD FOR GOD getting me through this and making me a better woman for it all.

I've said this so often I should get a bumper sticker, but you do not operate in faith, you operate in fear AND selfish wishes with your "I WANT" list constantly being written and uttered. ENOUGH about what YOU WANT....you sound so selfish it's amazing you don't see that. Kevin we want to help you but I know I am not doing much here but getting so frustrated. OMG.

Can you even visualize a happy life without your tormenting wife in it? (Kevin, news flash....she was NOT loving to you and has not been for a really LONG time...but even if she were....deal with NOW)

What if she had died in a car accident? Would you tell the girls, "That's it for me. I am totally unable to live or ever be happy without your mom and you are not important enough to me to get those skills b/c ...it's just so hard. Therefore you girls are now orphans. I am too weak to make a life without her and you are too umimportant for me to really try. Bye..."

B/C THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO THEM...

(( j ))

[25yearsmlc]

ps

have we gone 24 hours without talking about your w yet? If not, I'm not posting until you do it. And even if so, I think you should practice it at least 2 a week; going 24 hours without mentioning her OR WHAT YOU WISH YOU COULD HAVE THAT YOU KNOW YOU CANNOT HAVE NOW....24 hours....

guess what? In "normal life" we all do that MOST of the time. Most of us don't go around saying we wish we had Masarati cars or a bigger pool or Brad Pitt for a lover or list all the things and people we don't have and can't have. Most of us live with what is and most of us are fairly happy or even really happy. That's what most people do Kevin. Those of us in terrible pain, will eventually get back to that. You are long overdue. Call a c or t today.

(( j ))