Media teacher wrote me back and said she discussed it with the principal, and I should make an appt to talk with her.
Principal saw me in the hall and smiled, saying to set something up through the secretary for us to meet.
Another friend heard what other schools I may end up with, and warned me that the admin over there was crazy - most teachers had put in requests for transfers from there, already. NOT something I want to deal with!
So, we'll see what happens today.
********
S13 had his concert last night - last year he is playing the cello, since he wants to pick up ROTC in high school. It was drama-free, thankfully. OW was going to go, but S13 asked her not to - said it would make me upset. S13 didn't want her there, but doesn't want to seem mean or piss off his father, so took me up on my offer to blame me for anything that made him uncomfortable or might upset his dad! (We had just had that convo concerning phone calls...his father gets pissed when the kids aren't available to talk to him every night at 7, but sometimes they are in the middle of something, with friends, just not in the mood, etc...so I told them to blame me- maybe not the best precedent, but there is no talking to this man...)
ANYway, the concert was awesome, and out to ice cream after (D10 had peanut butter cup & popcorn flavors, topped with swedish fish - eww!)
Congrats on the meeting with the principal, it sounds promising
As for S13 and D10, probably better for you to not offer to be in the middle of their R with their dad. Authentic interaction with him will be better for them. Instead, you are teaching them how to manage various peoples feelings (including your own) rather than being true to themselves and direct.
PROBABLY ENOUGH SAID. Avoid 4x8 by skipping the rest of this post.
As for S13, after he saw your pain and struggle with seeing XH's significant other (she is not the other woman, there are not three people in a romantic R), S13 was probably more honest than you wish he was when he asked her not to attend to protect you.
I'll tell you this: I have protected my mother's feelings all my life. I was taught to do this to keep her from having a breakdown of some sort. I knew it was my job to help keep her stable. As a result, I was alone through many of the worst things that have happened to me in my life. There is no way that I would have shared my troubles with my mother when I was growing up, and there were terrible things that happened to me. S13 saw your pain at seeing X's GF. It doesn't matter that it was a few seconds. If you want your kids to feel safe enough with you to come to you with their problems, then you need to be strong enough to be OK with how the world is today.
As for S13, after he saw your pain and struggle with seeing XH's significant other (she is not the other woman, there are not three people in a romantic R), S13 was probably more honest than you wish he was when he asked her not to attend to protect you.
Seems that's just what happened.
It sucks so much that I have to now learn to be the pretender. I don't want either of them picturing me as the weak, pathetic, unwanted ex-wife. I don't want my kids to see me that way, either. It hurts, and now I have to find a way to mask that pain. I'd still rather something unpleasant happen to her and she wasn't a factor, anymore.
I know it shouldn't matter at this point. I saw him in my driveway from the car yesterday when he dropped off D10 on the motorcycle, and he just looked like someone I used to know - my heart didn't flutter, his beard is too full and doesn't compliment him, but there is still...something. Familiar, maybe? I don't know.
I am trying so hard to put my kids first. But I don't know if or when I will ever really get over this. Be able to be in the same room with them and have it not matter.
You know the saying that when you have kids, its like walking around with your heart outside of your body? I feel like that...a huge part of my heart is in him, and I can't have it anymore. Being around him reminds me...and her there, having what was once mine?
Damn, I wish he was more of an a$$hole. I want to hate him. I want to be happy to be rid of him.
Or be happy for him, completely ok with the way everything is. Be grateful that she isn't a witch to my kids. Instead, I want her to disappear.
Quote:
You Were Mine lyrics
I Can't Find A Reason To Let Go Even Though You've Found A New Love And She's What Your Dreams Are Made Of I Can Find A Reason To Hang On What Went Wrong Can Be Forgiven Without You, It Ain't Worth Livin' Alone
Sometimes I Wake Up Crying At Night And Sometimes I Scream Out Your Name What Right Does She Have To Take You Away When For So Long, You Were Mine
I Took Out All The Pictures Of Our Wedding Day It Was A Time Of Love And Laughter Happy Ever After But Even Those Old Pictures Have Begun To Fade Please Tell Me She's Not Real And That You're Really Coming Home To Stay
Sometimes I Wake Up Crying At Night And Sometimes I Scream Out Your Name What Right Does She Have To Take Your Heart Away When For So Long, You Were Mine
I Can Give You Two Good Reasons To Show You Love's Not Blind He's Two And She's Four, And You Know They Adore You So How Can I Tell Them You've Changed Your Mind
I Remember When You Were Mine
I don't wake up at night anymore. But I think I have only gotten good at ignoring the elephant that is in my life. There is just too much else to worry about most of the time, now. So I try not to think about it.
I feel like I have to be able to wrap this up tighter and tighter in an ugly little ball and bury it deep in my heart, because I can't change it, and I can't share it with anyone, anymore - who wants to hear this sh!t, anyway?
I don't know how people get over their spouses, someone you promised to love and cherish your whole life. I think the best I'll ever do is to learn to live without him.
Honestly you accept that the person you loved is dead. There is just someone walking around in the shell of his body. This alien...there is nothing to like so I try to not let him bother me but he just keeps picking at the same old places, trying to make me bleed and cave in to him. Nothing to like about that.
Make your own scenario or use mine, you are creative. I am sure you can think of something.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hard to keep my head away from finding that old familiar groove. I keep striving for grace, but it always seems so far away. I just got my period today, to boot. And a giant canker sore that is tearing through my lower lip and making it impossible to talk or eat (anyone have a remedy to try? I even tried homeopathic - did squat).
I called the dr on the way home tonight; been sleeping or sleepy WAY too much. Doesn't feel like the depression (really - today was unusual as of late), but maybe a side-effect of the meds...?
Life has never been so hard as these last few years. I am just grateful for what I have left.
btw, I did talk to S13 quick about the gf and the concert. I said that if is didn't matter to him one way or the other if she went (his words), then it wouldn't matter to me, not to worry about it. He said ok. I've told him before that it is ok with me if he finds a way to be alright with the whole situation...he had to deal with her, where as I really don't. That I was actually proud of him and his sis for getting to a place to get along, and that I was working on getting there, too.
I don't want either of them picturing me as the weak, pathetic, unwanted ex-wife. I don't want my kids to see me that way, either.
Ok, some of that may be the hormones talking but it comes from a deep place inside you that is still battling negative thinking. You have to stop thinking of yourself as the weak, pathetic, unwanted ex-wife. I think you are projecting your own feelings toward them. Honestly, does it really matter what they think? Your xh is living his own life and really not concerned with yours. Why be concerned with his?
Yes, these are all the same things I battle every darned day so I feel your pain.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I think of my life as a long winding road, a mosaic, full of colorful and different stones... back back there are the happy times when kids were little and x was still a decent person, those are still colorful and pretty parts, then there is a gray part, these past 3yrs, a bit dull, but part of my life nonetheless... It's been a year now that he's not in my life -- the present is a new part of my road and it has began to take more color, I have so much road ahead of me and, oh! the choices!!
Him in my life during the good years, was part of my journey, not the culmination, not the main part, but a section of my life, it's behind me, the good memories still shine and I think of them sometimes, they are part of my past life after all.
Now let's both look ahead, let's keep walking hon, there is still a lot of road ahead and so many more things await us.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Job front - looks like I am going to stay put. Had the meeting with the principal and we'll have a plan in place. She is just more of a politician than I am used to, and these parents are very active and vocal. So, have to promote what I do in my classroom more, make sure bulletin boards go up, send out a newsletter, get volunteers in my room. Once I have the backing of the parents, I'll be golden.
Been way to tired as of late, no matter how much I sleep. I put a call into the dr, and she said its ok to cut back again on the Effexor - back to the low-dose. I'm starting today, so we'll see how that goes.
X is just not a part of my life. The slight things that I come across (the occasional tool, the time thing with the kids, minor $ things) just get dealt with pretty quickly. And my energies are turning elsewhere. Another therapy session this Fri - I need to see what the next step is. I don't think I am co-dependent anymore, but need to learn more about that, get the focus back on me alone and my goals.
Work was started Tues on my studio - I'll have it done for the summer, and hopefully will have some classes to bolster my income, plus room to get back to my art. I'm excited, know its going to look beautiful!
Hope everyone has a great weekend to kick off summer!
