No, I did not do drugs. No, I was not an alcoholic. No, I did not beat my wife.
I was angry and resentful, and unfortunately, I vented that anger and resentment at my wife. My anger and resentment had nothing to do with her either! It was me; I had some underlying issues and I didn't know how to deal with them constructively and appropriately. It was a lack of compassion on my part...for myself and for others.
It's not 'woe is me' FIB, it's just a reality...a truth...a fact. And I have a lot of regret and remorse and guilt because of it. It's just hard for me to deal with it sometimes. I messed up, and hurt those that I cared about the most.
I didn't have the tools necessary at the time to deal constructively and appropriately with the issues, but I have learned so much and I have grown a lot. I intend to continue doing that no matter what.
She didn't really do much wrong...that's the truth. She loved me. I wish that she hadn't left our home and our marriage, and broken our family apart...I think she was wrong when she did that. But, I understand her belief that she had to do it...and I'm sure it was hard.
She did a lot of forgiving over the years, we talked and discussed the issues a lot too! She worked very hard at our marriage. I never made the changes that I needed to make though...I was an idiot. I started making the changes after she started withdrawing from the marriage. I wish I knew then what I know now.
It would be unrealistic for me to not shoulder my responsibility in all of this. I am a better man now...I just wish that things hadn't gotten to the point that they did before I pulled my head out of my a$$.
I appreciate your input FIB.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
antlers....I admire you..for accepting this and recognizing it. You..and I...and song..and others....are lucky enough for having the ability to look inward and SEE THIS.
Still, life is a lesson. You..and song...did NOT fail. You've learned. I have my regrets as well..about attitudes, actions, etc. We have better tools now. It behooves you..us all...to learn and NOT look back in a defeatist attitude or a feeling of failure. THAT..we must do as men. It is ONLY in doing so that one lays fertile ground IF our WAW's or even divorced S's...decide to come back. In most cases, they do not.
Don't forget antlers...and I repeat. There is a choice to forgive and heal...a choice to stay married and honor a promise...a choice to listen and believe.....
Many have posted to me over and over, and, it's true...it was HER CHOICE.
Stay strong. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Wow, I could have written that it would have been 100% my exact situation. Thanks for writing that, and indeed like others said let's be proud of the fact that we have made that realization and are working and growing.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
